How did I get here? Oh the shame of it.....! Years in tech companies meant I had received lots of IT training on how to spot a phishing scam. And yet...... Here I was. I should have been much more embarrassed.
Where I was, was being drugged on a massage table, face down as a lady explained my fate. Out of hours. In a nearly deserted commercial estate, in a quiet part of town. Don't click on links from senders you don't trust, People!.
It started innocently. The email from our company's sports and social club did not really appeal to me. I was a newish employee in a growing start up company, mainly populated by people quite a bit younger than me, lots of cocky recent college graduates and fairly inexperienced younger folk. Whereas, I was the mid 40s engineer with a bit more experience, drafted in to work on a new development project. Long hours and hard work, but exciting, working on a potentially lucrative new product. A fun place to work though, with a nice team.
The email offered a chair massage.
Now, in this part of Europe, these aren't as common as are in the States. Malls or shopping centers here in the UK don't have people getting shoulder rubs in public. Its just not the done thing. So I passed, and forgot all about it. Fast forward a week or two later, as i wandered for a coffee, an incredibly hot girl in her mid twenties, struggling with a bulky wheeled bag asked for help holding a door open. She was taller than average, with her brown hair neatly tied in a ponytail, her scrub top and leggings combo letting it discreetly be known what sort of shape she was in. She had the trim build of an athlete. It was a fantastic shape!
I obliged, obviously. Motivated by chivalry, politeness, and in some part, horniness..... I got a chirpy "Thanks!" and she was on her way. As i sat down in the break room with my coffee, I inquired about the mystery lady.
"Chair massage girl, they had her set up in the small meeting room across the corridor - she has the hands of a Goddess!" was the reply from a sleepy looking co-worker - still blissful from her company subsidized half hour shoulder rub. The regret hit me hard, I won't lie......
Because of this lingering annoyance, when the email arrived in my inbox the next day, with an offer for anyone who had missed out a massage, I suspected nothing, and jumped at the chance. The company had obviously shared their mailing list, right? I was honestly too relieved to question any further whether it was legit or not! I replied, made a half-assed excuse as to why I missed out the first time and waited to see what was on offer. The chance of even a shoulder rub from that girl was enough to warrant some effort after all!
With the email sent, the reply came swiftly. They had a slot available that evening after 7, in a walk in medical clinic in town, if that suited me? And, if I was prepared to let a trainee massage therapist work on me, they could do 90 minutes for the same discounted rate as the sports and social club had offered Too good to turn down, right? Too good to be true more like......
I arrived 5 mins early to the Dean medical center. Located in the middle of a mixed commercial park, between a cafe (closed for the evening), and a furniture shop. Pretty much all the businesses were closed, so I had no problems parking.
Freshly showered, I cautiously made my way through the mirrored glass front door. Medical smells, but weirdly quiet atmosphere. It was darker than I expected it to be. The young girl I had encountered at work was sat nonchalantly on the receptionist's desk, clearly waiting for me. "Hi, John?" she asked, as she hopped to her feet. "I'm Pauline, follow me please," she said cheerfully, walking toward a door marked "Exam room 1" I followed, as she started to explain the setup "We rent the space here to allow us to train people, please don't tell your friends from work, but I'm not fully certified yet!" I assured her that I was there based on the positive feedback from them, and so not to worry. She turned around to face me as she held the door open and winked as I passed her "Are you sure a cheap massage wasn't part of it???"
I laughed, slightly embarrassed, and thoroughly disarmed by how informal the situation was compared to the more common Thai massages available locally. She had a perkiness that was refreshing at the end of a work day, and dammit she was hot, and clearly very fit, she sprang along beside me as we walked into the large exam room. She was lithe and confident. dressed the same as earlier, but clearly more comfortable in her environment here.
Just off the center of the slightly darkened room was a normal looking, towel covered massage table, with dark drapes under the towel that reached down to the floor. The walls were lined with more normal doctors office paraphernalia - kidney bowls, stacks of cardboard boxes of disposable test kits and the like..... Maybe a touch more hospital than regular NHS doctors office. A scent diffuser was masking the antiseptic smell and making it seem more appropriate for a massage. Faint water sounds playing from somewhere completed the attempts to set the tone.
Stood by this table, was a lady, late thirties I guessed, professionally attired in a dark scrub-like outfit. Not as obviously pretty as Pauline, but she had an air of authority about her. Curvier than Pauline, with dark hair cut into a short bob, she looked smart and professional, almost like she was dressing down her appearance slightly. "Hi John, I'm Linda, are you ready to be our guinea-pig for the evening?" she beamed, making very direct eye contact.
"Sure thing, just let me know what you want me to do?"
She patted on the table. "We'll start with you face down here, have you been for a massage before?" I assured her that I had. "Well, you know the advice they always give to drink lots of water after a session? We try and get ahead of that, so that you're as comfortable as possible. If you could take what Pauline has for you there, please?"
I had lost track of Pauline in the gloom, but she approached with what looked like a glass of water. I took it and sniffed at it as I bought it to my face. "Its an electrolyte drink," she explained over her shoulder, as she walked back into the gloom. "It will taste a bit salty, but its supposed to be citrus flavor."
"Sure. I use the same stuff for hangovers," I assured her, trying to seem as confident as possible. They laughed politely. So far, so weird, but the thoughts of a long massage from not one, but two, very attractive ladies was helping me overcome the slight oddness of the situation. I was going to have to try hard not to embarrass myself as they turned me over, I worried......
Linda broke the silence as I tried the drink. "Right, you take your time with that, pop off you clothes, you can leave them on the chair over there." (motioning towards a plastic chair in the corner). "We prefer you fully undressed, but only if you're comfortable with that. If you want to use one of those horrible paper underwear things, there's one on the chair. Slip yourself under the towel and we'll be back in 5 or 6 minutes. OK?" She had the gentle authority of a teacher.