Gain From Loss

I sat waiting in the waiting room of the ER terrified of what the doctors might have to do to me. My penis throbbed painfully and the tip was painfully sensitive. Any shifting or movement brought searing pain and the rest of it just kept throbbing. A few days ago I was out skateboarding with some friends. I went to do a trick that I had always landed before and was more than comfortable doing at this stair rail. I made my attempt and ended up getting hung up on a pebble making me stop instantly sending me tumbling down the stairs. Somewhere along the line a part of the support for the rail found its way through my pants between my legs slicing open my penis tip. It bled quite a bit but I was able to stop the bleeding with some super-glue and got cleaned up. Well the wound had gotten infected and the infection had quickly spread throughout the rest of my penis. I dreaded that the doctors would have to amputate it as I sat waiting for my name to be called. I was only 19 years old there was no way I could lose my penis I just couldn't.

"Randy Larson?"

My heart leaped into my throat and my gut dropped as I thought to myself this is it the moment of truth. I got up and followed the nurse walking bow legged trying to cause as little friction as possible between my legs. She led me to a normal doctor's room with the examination bed and asked the usual questions of what happened. Took my vitals as I explained it all and she told me to undress and put the goofy backwards shirt thing on. The doctor would be in soon.

I undressed and gasped at the sharp pain as I slid my underwear off. My whole penis was swollen and I prayed to whatever god was out there that I wouldn't get an erection. It hurt so bad when I got hard. Putting on the backwards shirt I sat on the examination bed and waiting. In minutes and older doctor knocked on the door and came in. Again I was asked the same questions while the doctor took my vitals once again. He said my blood pressure was pretty high and that he didn't blame me. Then he asked me to lift the shirt so he could examine the damage. Humiliation took me but I did as I was told and lifted my shirt. I watched and gasped in agony when he touched my penis and moved it this way and that to see the entire damage and finally told me I could put the shirt down again.

"We're going to need to get you in the operating room quickly. The infection is spreading fast and I'm sorry we're going to have to perform a penectomy. If at all possible we'll save your testicles but the damage is already done to your penis the tissue is decaying and gangrene is spreading."

My stomach dropped and despair took me. I was tough, I didn't want to show I was weak, but my expression gave away my emotion. The doctor tried to explain but the words fell on deaf ears. If it had to be done just get it over with I thought.

"Even if we could stop the infection without amputation Randy, the tissue is already decaying and gangrene is a blood poison. If you let it sit there you die of blood poisoning."

Not that I wanted kids right now, I was sure I would in the future. This would mean I'd never be able to have kids. I wasn't a virgin and once had a pregnancy scare but that didn't mean I wouldn't want kids when I was older and more able to support a family.

"Would I ever be able to have kids?"

The doctor thought for a moment before responding.

"Your testicles should be fine. There shouldn't be any issues with producing sperm. It'll be harder to achieve orgasm and ejaculate but it's possible. Sexual intercourse will be impossible for obvious reasons, but we can easily take your semen and implant into a woman for fertilization."

For some reason my heart lifted slightly. I could still have kids, but never again would I ever feel the warm pleasure of my fiancé's pussy again.

The doctor asked me to get in the wheelchair and before I realized it I was already laying down on the operating bed having my legs propped up by the contraptions that were probably used to hold women's legs apart to give them vaginal exams. A sharp pain in the back of my hand meant an IV was in place. It was chaos as doctors went this way and that preparing equipment. One of the doctors had a shaving razor and flipped open the shirt to find I was already shaven. The doctor looked like he was going to say something smart but decided it was better not to and left with the razor. Soon after blackness consumed me as the anesthesia took effect.

Just a few hours later I woke in a recovery room laying in a very comfortable bed. Having had many visits to the hospital before I knew the buttons on the bed and propped the bed up so I didn't have to sit myself up. My fiancé Sarah sat in a recliner beside my bed watching TV. She turned as she heard the machines in the bed propping me up and quickly got up to hug me.

"Randy! Oh my god you're ok. When I was told you were in the hospital I left work and came right over."

I hugged Sarah back and broke out in tears. Did she know why I was here? Sarah pulled away keeping a hand on my shoulder and the other hand wiped the tears from my face. Her hands were so soft and comforting.

"The doctor told me what happened."

My heart sunk yet again. My groin hurt a little bit but nothing like it had before I went into the operating room. For a moment all I could think about is what he looked like down there now. Then my mind righted course back to what Sarah was telling me.

"I want you to know that I love you no matter what. I don't care if you have a....." and shamefully whispered penis like it would hurt less if she said it softly. "I love you. We'll find ways to make sex work. For now you need to get better."

I didn't quite know what to say. I thought for a moment that she was going to dump me because I couldn't have sex any more, and here she was promising that we'd find a way. Maybe sex really wasn't everything in a relationship. For the longest time I thought that if a couple didn't have sex the relationship would go bad but maybe it wouldn't after all.

"You don't care that my dick is gone?"

"Well....yeah it'll suck that we can't have sex like we used to. But I love Randy, you, not your...dick."

That was all the assurance I needed. I no longer cared if I was without a penis. It was a couple days later the doctors removed the bandages around my crotch and I got to see what I looked like with balls but no penis.

A catheter protruded from a shriveled opening above my ball sack and the skin around where my penis used to be was red and swollen, stitches kept the wound shut around where my penis used to be. The opening looked like I could fit my thumb in it but that was because they removed that much of my penile shaft and left all of my scrotum. A sharp pain erupted inside my pee-hole as the nurse removed the catheter and I was told to go to the bathroom and that don't try to pee standing I'd just make a mess all over myself and the floor. Great....just what I needed I have to pee like a woman for the rest of my life.

As I sat on the toilet I quickly found out I had to pee pretty bad. It didn't come out in a stream at all instead my urine sprayed all over the place soaking my entire groin. I stopped myself and felt a sharp pain where the stump of my penile shaft remained. I reached down and pulled my ball sack back and tried peeing again this time it came out in a painful stream and I could see where my pee-hole was. Strangely I felt horny watching myself pee. I wiped myself dry and tried to slide a finger into my pee-hole. The skin was so sensitive from the surgery that I just couldn't do it. Then a strange sensation took me. I felt I was having an erection but there was nothing there any more to erect. Pain throbbed at the end my penile stump inside and I could feel I was hard in there. Maybe there was hope after all.

About a month later when my fiancé was at work I sat at home watching porn. My goal for my day off was to orgasm and cum all over myself. I bought a strap-on and had sex with my newly wedded wife quite often and she would fondle my dickless sack but I never orgasmed. I found out on the internet that some guys could orgasm with anal after having a penectomy and I had the strap-on handy in case I couldn't cum.

The porn was hot but seeing all the guys banging the girls with their long hard dicks just made me depressed so I looked up results of other penectomies. For some reason this got me so horny, for the first time I felt wetness trickle down my sack and reached into my pants to feel what it was....it was pre-cum.

I headed off to the bedroom and completely undressed and laid down naked on the bed. I spread my legs like a woman would and fondled my sack at first. I could feel my stump inside harden and when I pressed down on my sack I could feel it throb in my fingers. I wanted to hump something, jerk off, give myself the rosy palm or something but no matter how heavy the urges were it wasn't going to happen. I decided finally to try fingering my pee-hole again. Last time I tried it was at the hospital and I was still raw from the surgery. Now I was fully healed and horny as all hell.

I pressed my finger into the void where my penis used to be and found my pee-hole. It felt so strange as I felt my stump there and it throbbed yearningly to hump Sarah. I started fingering my hole and felt my arousal increase. I started fondling my sack with the other hand in maybe a minute I felt an orgasm build and this time it wasn't going away. The pleasure was so much more intense than when I had my penis I fingered my hole harder and instead of squirting out the cum across my chest like I thought would happed it merely seeped from my hole in little spurts soaking my hand. A couple of the spurts managed to lob out a couple inches but that was it. I felt the orgasm fade and wanted more. Without having to have an erecting to masturbate I could go at this as long as I wanted like women could. Soon I started loving having had a penectomy as in a matter of maybe 5 minutes I had another orgasm and this one I just let my cum seep all over my fingers as I continued fingering my stump inside making my orgasm more intense.

The pleasure faded and I laid there panting from the massive amounts of pleasure. My hand was soaked and sticky from all the cum. There was so much of it too. I couldn't help but try and taste it. Strangely it didn't have much flavor and the texture was kinda strange. Not that I'd go around sucking a guy off but it wasn't bad. Sarah would be thrilled when she gets home to find out I can cum again.