"What's this?!"
Harlan said to himself.
"Lorraine's the last person I expected to run into tonight. She's married! At least, she was the last time we talked. And, who's that cute, little redhead sitting next to her?"
Harlan had never cruised the city's cougar dens to pick up women. Life was complicated enough with his job and the girls he was already dating. But Jack, his friend from work, had insisted they visit that particular club on Friday night.
"I wonder what happened?"
Harlan thought.
"The last time I saw Lorraine and her husband, they could barely keep their hands off each other."
A few months before, Lorraine, Jack, and Harlan had all worked in the same office. It was Harlan's first professional job, after college, and Lorraine had been the company's super efficient, no-nonsense office manager. She had befriended Harlan and taught him the paperwork side of the construction business, along with the nuances of negotiating the minefields of office politics. And, whenever the office gang went out for drinks, Lorraine's husband would join them. Then, Lorraine had left for greener pastures, and Harlan had only spoken with her on the phone, a few times, since then. Now, there she was, sitting in a booth in an upscale cougar den, wearing the de rigueur, little black cocktail dress.
His curiosity aroused, Harlan walked up to her and called out, "Hi, Lorraine! How are you doing?"
Lorraine's eyes widened in recognition, and she stared open-mouthed at her young friend.
"Lorraine speechless?"
Harlan thought.
"This is a first!"
"So, how's the new job going? Geez, we haven't bumped into each other since you left the old salt mine," Harlan cheerfully continued.
"Harley! What a nice surprise!" Lorraine replied, after recovering from her initial shock. "What are you doing here? No, never mind, I already know!"
"I'm flying wingman for Jack tonight. He picked this place. The women at our old watering holes already know all of his pickup lines," Harlan answered.
He was telling the truth. Harlan wasn't seriously involved with anyone in particular, or looking for someone new, and he got a kick out of watching Jack trying to act like a player.
"Same old Jack," Lorraine laughed. "So, he's cougar hunting tonight, is he? Did you know he even used those tired old lines out on me, at my going away party?"
"I'm not surprised," Harlan replied. After all, Lorraine was a good looking woman, and Jack would chase anything remotely cute that wore a skirt.
When Harlan unconsciously raised an eyebrow, Lorraine admonished, "And don't look at me like that, Harley! I'm still very happily married. My husband still worships the ground I walk on, as well he should! And don't stand there pretending you won't take one of these horny cougars home with you, if you get the chance. I'm flying wingman tonight too. Or wing woman. Or whatever. Anyway, please sit down and let me introduce you to my friend Phyllis."
"My friend Phyllis,"
Harlan noted. He knew Lorraine wouldn't have introduced the cute redhead that way if she were not really her friend. And, he knew Lorraine chose her friends carefully. As Harlan had already taken notice of the attractive woman, he was more than happy to be formally introduced to her.
"Phyllis, this is my friend Harley. As you've already guessed, we used to work together," Lorraine said.
Turning to Harlan, to complete the introduction ritual, Lorraine finished, "Harley, Phyllis."
Phyllis blushed several shades of crimson. "Thanks for the subtle introduction, Lorraine!" she hissed, in a little girl's high-pitched voice.
"Phyllis has to be a natural redhead,"
Harlan realized.
"Only a fair-skinned, natural redhead could blush like that!"
Phyllis was also wearing a little black cocktail dress, but hers hugged her slender figure like a glove, enhancing every lovely curve. With her stylish, chin-length, curly hairdo, and her wide-set, green eyes, Phyllis was truly exquisite.
"She looks to be somewhere in her mid-twenties to early thirties,"
Harlan thought.
"But, it's so hard to tell with redheads. Most of them look older than they really are."
"It's nice to meet you, Phyllis," Harlan laughed, as he sat down beside Lorraine. "As I'm sure you already know, Lorraine is not noted for her subtlety." He was not usually so forward with beautiful women, but catching Lorraine off-guard and seeing the embarrassment on the redhead's face had bolstered his confidence.
"You're right about that!" Phyllis laughed girlishly. "It's nice to meet you too, Harley."
"And, listen to that voice!"
Harlan thought in delight.
"Is that just the cutest thing, or what?! This little girl could be a real heartbreaker."
"There's nothing to be gained by subtlety in this den of inequity, Phyllis," Lorraine interjected. "Everyone, except for me of course, is here for one reason and one reason only. And everyone knows it."
"Thanks again, Lorraine!" Phyllis wailed and turned several more shades of crimson.
"Oh, drop the coy routine, Phyllis. You're as horny as a three-balled tomcat! You're hunting for a boy toy, and I've just introduced you to a more than suitable candidate. Harley is a nice young man, a good dancer, and he doesn't kiss and tell. I can vouch for all of that. And, I suspect he's quite the stud in the sack," Lorraine said.
Phyllis squirmed and tried to turn invisible. Lorraine looked at Harlan and continued, "Harley, I would consider it a personal favor if you would take Phyllis back to your little love shack and commit some lewd, unspeakable acts with her. Or, just have some nice, conventional, recreational sex. Whatever. It's up to the two of you. You are still unattached aren't you?"
Not waiting for a reply, Lorraine turned back to Phyllis and said, "Do you see the size of Harley's hands? You know what that means, girl! And, I've seen him at the company picnics. He's really quite muscular too. Now, I can't actually vouch for Harley on the 'big-hands-to-big-manhood correlation', but my husband has big hands. I can certainly verify that the old saying is true in his case."
"Lorraine!" Phyllis pleaded.
Even after working with Lorraine for several years, Harlan was shocked by her bluntness, but he recovered and asked, "So, Phyllis, do you have the pleasure of working with Lorraine?"
"Y-yes," Phyllis answered meekly. "W-we work together in our own little salt mine."
"Has Lorraine straightened out the head of your company yet?" Harlan continued, trying to put the woman at ease. "She did her best to straighten out our president, and everyone else who wasn't pulling their weight, when I worked with her."
"Oh yes! And on more than one occasion!" Phyllis laughed.
"Don't change the subject," Lorraine interjected. "Let's see now, Phyllis. You're thirty-five, and Harley is at least twenty-five. So, the 'half-your-age-plus-seven rule' definitely applies here. I think the two of you should go for it."
"We've already changed the subject, Lorraine," Harlan said without looking at her, but silently digesting her brazen remarks.
"So, Phyllis is thirty-five. I would have never guessed she was that old. Hummm ... That would officially make her a 'puma'. Interesting ..."
Harlan thought.
"So, were your parents bikers, or are you a biker?" Phyllis asked, maintaining eye contact with Harlan and very thankful for the change in subject.
"It's short for Harlan," he answered. "Sorry, there are no hard-core bikers in my family."