As she waited for Celia sitting at one of the Mylan's tables, Alicia thought of Timmy again. After a few months of relationship, she had to admit that he was really charming, a very nice guy who from the beginning had pressed some of the keys that normally took Alicia to go from the fling-flight phase to the possible-relationship one: Timmy was pleasant in the treatment, affectionate, interesting in the conversation --which used to revolve around topics of mutual interest--, and he was, why not say it, not at all physically bad.
Although then, oh, there had been that little disappointment... let's just say that nature --in these terms she preferred to think of it, admonishing herself about the first expression that had come to mind when she saw it-- had not been too generous with him in the matter, referring to that part of the male anatomy that... well, that part that most obviously defines masculinity.
The days following the little discovery had been a constant inner turmoil for Alicia. It wasn't that she intended to leave him (although she couldn't deny that it was one of the options to consider), after all, a relationship isn't sustained on that alone. The truth is that he made himself loved and it was difficult to give up all that positive side, full of that, so to speak, proclivity to satisfy. But eventuality it was still a problem (for what woman wouldn't it be?) with which one had to deal, on which one had to meditate, which one had to try to assimilate.
The bag buzzed on the table, bringing her out of her thoughts. She took out the device and saw on the screen a message from Celia, announcing that it would take ten minutes to arrive. Alicia replied with a calm, I'll wait for you. She wanted to see Celia. Who better than a friend to share your concerns? At noon Celia had asked her by phone how things were going, and Alicia had answered her with a would you like to meet later and we'll have a coffee?, so Celia must have sensed that Timmy was nearby and accepted the invitation with an oops, oops... of course brimming with anticipation and curiosity.
It's not like she'd been abrupt about it with Timmy, not even entirely explicit at first, though obviously was not easy to hide the hint of frustration she'd felt either. He had sensed it, no doubt, already that first time. The somewhat absent attitude of hers, the uncomfortable and --although one tries to avoid it-- significant silence later, that shy (revealing that he knew) "do you want me to caress you again" and her slightly cold answer --confirming him that yes, that it was a problem--: "no, that's fine, honey", followed by another meditative silence, uncomfortable for both of them but --for more than obvious reasons-- especially uncomfortable for him.
While avoiding abruptness, she also didn't want him to get the impression that everything was perfect, after all it would be fooling him, and it would be fooling herself. And she also knew that in order to find solutions to a problem, it had to be dealt in a more explicit way. So he had begun to nuance her comments a bit. From the:
--Don't worry, honey, it really doesn't matter that much.
to the:
--Let's see, if you really want me to be completely honest, yes, it is true that a woman has certain needs...
and when she, during some intimate moment, in the midst of caresses and tender smiles, would let out a "don't you think it's better to be open about things?" he had already learned to anticipate that she did not have a day to repress her impressions on the matter, and that she was about to bring it to the fore to comment on some aspect of it.
There was a certain solicitousness in Timmy, an obvious tendency to please her in any way he could. Perhaps, as Alicia had heard about other men in the same case, it was a kind of tendency to compensate for that lack. Not that she expected a helpful attitude from him, but of course, especially in the most intimate moments, she had to admit that he being aware of her gestures to learn to decipher what she wanted at each moment (the promptness, for example, of Timmy responding to the slightest loving downward pressure of her hands on his shoulders, the haste with which he lowered his head to her thighs to please her)... Alicia did not dislike that at all, so she decided to go with the flow a bit and let things evolve naturally.
She remembered Timmy's face the first time she showed him the toy. That night she was especially excited (perhaps because she had spent much of the afternoon thinking about the possible options --some of them a bit funny-- to make the introductions between the toy and Timmy). After he finished treating her orally for the second time, they were caressing each other, laughing... she felt especially daring and took advantage of the intimacy and tenderness of the moment to whisper next to Timmy's ear: "Well, now what are you going to do to not leave your girlfriend halfway, Timmy?" It was like flipping a light switch, the bulb being Timmy's face at the moment he heard it.
She reassured him by giving him an almost motherly kiss, and then, still looking at him and smiling, she turned a little and resolutely reached behind her, opening the drawer of the bedside table, and turned to him with the toy in her hand. Timmy's face was a poem, alight more intensely than before. She reassured him again: she underlined the trust involved in sharing something so intimate with him, told him that he should understand it that way, that it was natural to make use of such resources as a couple.
And at the same time (my God, Alicia thought), how could she ignore the increasingly amused aspect that accompanied the excitement that was building like a swell inside her? Seeing Timmy's face, he didn't know what to do with his eyes, trying unsuccessfully not to look at the toy in her hand. His little thing in sight, very close to the toy. Alicia smiling, looking at his face, waiting for his embarrassment to calm down a bit. His gaze finally settling on hers, they both staring at each other for a moment. And then she, with the smile expanding without the slightest hesitation, directing her gaze -- and dragging Timmy's with it -- towards the toy, holding it in her hand, exhibiting it, so close to his little thing... not being able to avoid the impudence --the exciting impudence-- of sharing with him the amusement that the inevitable and obscene comparison caused her...
--Alicia! --Celia was next to her, taking off her elegant coat; she hadn't noticed her arrival, absorbed as she was in her thoughts--.
