Chapter 3 (of 7) -- Danny sets off for the airport -- to his 'placement'.
Eighteen-year-old Danny Dawson's alarm clock went off at 5 a.m. on Monday -- a full two hours earlier than his customary weekday wake-up time -- and he surfaced sluggishly and reluctantly from the depths off his slumber.
If you could call it that.
For he had been awake for most of the night, tossing and turning, and fretting about his Work Motivation Programme 'placement' ... as an 'Air Purification Technician'.
The placement, that, because Danny had no job or training to go to upon his leaving education, his local Job Centre had assigned him to.
But -- as an 'Air Purification Technician' ... what was that all about? What did it actually mean? wondered Danny. And, wouldn't he have needed some sort of formal qualifications? he puzzled, as he tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes with his knuckles.
All Danny knew, was that it was to do with the government's new Work Motivation Programme, that he'd been informed about in his letter of notification from the Job Centre. Well, it was pointless to keep on speculating ... he'd be finding out, soon enough.
Danny's eyes were baggy and bloodshot, he felt more dead than alive, and anyone seeing the state of him could be forgiven for thinking he'd had a night on the ale, trying to sup his dad under the table.
As he padded sleepily to the bathroom, he lamented upon his failing to take mum's common sense advice: to go to bed two hours earlier than usual.
The Authoritarian Female Party Prime Minister, Caroline Flint, had promised benefits claimants, "Something in the post," and a "Rude awakening." Well, Danny had certainly had something in the post, all right, and now he was getting his rude awakening -- in more ways than one. In fact, Caroline Flint was as good as kicking Danny out of his bed, grabbing him by the scruff of his neck, and throwing him out of his own front door.
Caroline Flint -- Danny blamed her, personally -- wasn't wasting any time about it, either. Hell -- he had only left school, on Friday. And now, just three days later, she was 'putting the boot in'.
It just isn't fair! thought Danny miserably. Danny had been looking forward to following in his dad's footsteps (as a 'career claimant'), and embarking upon a lazy lifetime of leisure and pleasure -- at the taxpayers' expense ... And now this! This ruddy, so-called 'placement'!
When, ten minutes later, Danny had dressed and come downstairs, he was surprised to see mum already up, and sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee. At seeing the lack-of-sleep state of her son, mum exclaimed, "Ruddy hell! You look rough, our Danny. You look like something the cat dragged in."
"Mum, that's exactly how I feel. That was the worst night's sleep of my life," complained Danny miserably. "Anyway, Mum, what are you doing up at this time? Did my alarm wake you?" asked Danny, apologetically.
"No, lad. I was already up," replied mum. "I wanted to make sure you could actually get out of bed, when your alarm clock went off at five o'clock, our Danny. Now that I know you can, I can go back to enjoying my nice, leisurely lie-in as usual ... heh heh heh."
Pointing to a cup of steaming coffee and a plate of toast on the kitchen table, mum said, "And I wanted to make sure you had something in you, before you go to work. There -- get that lot down you," ordered mum.
Thickly spreading margarine and strawberry jam onto a piece of thick-sliced toast like a bricklayer spreading mortar, Danny said peevishly, "I'm not going to 'work', Mum. I'm going to a ruddy so-called 'placement', to earn my unemployment benefit."
A hopeful look came upon Danny's face, as a straw-clutching thought occurred to him. "Hey, Mum! Do you think that this could just be some sort of daft mistake, by some silly clot down at the Job Centre? I mean, you'd think that you'd need qualifications, wouldn't you, to be an Air Purification Technician?"
Mum chewed a piece of toast generously coated with margarine and jam, as she regarded her son from across the kitchen table. Still chewing, mum replied with conviction, "Nah. No chance. It's definitely not a mistake, our Danny. All over the country, the A.F.P. are assigning males like you and your dad onto these so-called placements, as a way of making you do something for your welfare benefits until you get a job. You should know that as well as anyone, Danny -- you've seen enough of the A.F.P.'s party political broadcasts on the telly," admonished mum.
"In fact," mum went on, "truth be told, I've hardly slept a wink of sleep all night myself, from worrying about what's going to happen to your dad. He's reporting to the community service liaison officer -- a Miss Martinette -- at nine o'clock this is morning. It's going to be a lot harder for your dad to adjust to a new way of life, than for you -- he's been idle, for far too long," fretted mum.
"I've been having all sorts of waking nightmares," confided mum, "about your dad's placement. And yours, Danny. I've ... I've been hearing stories, lately ... That Caroline Flint woman -- these ... these so-called placements are all her own idea. There's just no telling, what she's capable of ... Her, and that Harriet Harmman, the Home Secretary. She started off as a community service liaison officer, but it didn't take her long to rise up through the ranks to Cabinet level seniority ... In fact, I'll make a prediction now: Your dad will have found himself a job before the end of the week."
"Ha! Leave it out, Mum. This is Dad, you're talking about!" replied Danny derisively.
"Well, you just wait and see, our Danny. You just wait and see," mum insisted.
Danny then asked, plaintively, "But, Mum, why does the A.F.P. only pick on males, and not say a thing to the likes of our Melanie and our Elaine -- the sponging, lazy fat pair of cows?"