It's my first time to the gynecologist and I'm scared. I've hooked up a few times so far, but I've never done this. Something about being poked and prodded, treated like a non-human specimen, and being asked completely personal questions by a stranger... it's just not the same as a hookup. I'm 19 and I've been putting this off too long. It took a lot of mental prep to get myself to even make the call for the appointment. But really, I just can't get birth control any other way.
I walk into suite 210 and, after filling out some paperwork, take a seat in the corner. My stomach must be doing somersaults. I pick up a magazine to flip through it but my hands are too shakey and I can't focus. I decide to just try to sit still with my hands in my lap. I'll work on meditating or something.
After what seems like an eternity, but really just turns out to be five minutes, I'm called in by a friendly looking nurse in pink scrubs. She sits me down, takes my blood pressure, measures my height and weight, and asks me several of the questions I thought I already answered in the paperwork. Then she hands me a cup and instructs me to leave a urine sample. She directs me to the bathroom, and I try my best not to make a mess of this. After I come out, she leads me into an empty exam room.
The exam room has a regular exam table with the regular paper on it, but I notice this table is angled in the middle and has stirrups at the end... different from the ones I got used to as a kid in the pediatrician's office. The nurse in pink scrubs instructs me to undress completely and put on the paper gown. "Gown" is an overstatement, really. It's more of a flimsy paper vest and a flimsy paper blanket that's just barely big enough for me to wrap around my waist. As I'm undressing, I notice the labels on the cupboards and drawers. Cotton swabs. Cotton balls. Bandages. Proctoscopes. Gloves. Wait, what? What the hell is a proctoscope?? I think about what it probably is, and as it dawns on me, my anxiety shoots up again.
After what seems like another eternity of sitting on the exam table, practically nude, thinking about proctoscopes and telling myself there's no way in hell that'd be used on me today, the doctor finally comes in. She has dark brown hair, almost black, bright blue eyes, and what I think are some pretty stylish glasses. She's wearing blue scrub pants and a fitted white tee shirt under her lab coat. She doesn't seem older than 30... she must be new here. She's friendly enough but mostly ready to get down to business. She starts off introducing herself (Dr. Lane) and starts asking me some questions. She asks about my previous partners (four?), whether I'm in a monogamous relationship at the moment (no), if I have been experiencing any problems (no), if I have any emotional stressors in my life (college, duh), etc.
"So what brings you in here today, Constance?" she finally asks.
"I'd like to get started on some birth control pills."
She smiles warmly and lets me know that she will have to examine me before writing me a prescription, and instructs me to lay back on the table.
She starts with the breast exam. "Okay, now just relax and bring one arm over your head," she says, as she gently takes my hand by the wrist and leads my arm upward. Oh jeez, it's actually starting now. My heart must be pounding, and I'm sure she can see that. She carefully opens one side of my paper vest and starts feeling my right breast. I'm trying so hard to breathe slowly, but this is all too new. And weird. And it seems like it should be a little bit sexy. Is it? I'm so scared i'm starting to get a little wet, despite how hard i'm willing myself not to.
Dr. Lane takes two fingers and palpates every inch of my breast, paying special attention to my nipple, which is now hard thanks to her touching it. I try to tell myself she sees this all the time, just relax, she's not here to judge. How many breasts must she rub in a day? Dr Lane then covers my right breast again with the paper vest and then comes around to the other side of the table to do the same to the left breast. Again, she gently leads my arm by my wrist over my head and opens my vest. Again, she firmly palpates my entire breast and nipple with her two fingers. Both of my nipples are hard now and I can't believe I'm about to open my legs for her when I've become so accidentally aroused by the breast exam. I'm mortified, but part of me wishes she would have kept going.
She walks to the counter and starts preparing a tray full of tools, and instructs me to scoot my butt to the very edge of the table and put my feet in the stirrups. I do as she says, and she turns around with the tray and places it on a surface next to her, grabs a stool, and rolls right up between my legs. I'm trying to keep the paper blanket blocking my view of herβI don't want to know what any of this scene looks like. So I stare up at the ceiling waiting for whatever is about to happen. I'm cold, I'm humiliatingly wet, and I'm exposing my most private parts to someone I met five minutes ago. I'm not even sure what exactly is going to happen next. Wait, what happens next?
"All right! I'm going to start off with an external examination. Ready?" she asks. I manage to choke out "yup", and she begins. Using her index and middle fingers again, she starts rubbing and massaging my thighs, feeling for my lymph nodes, my mons pubis, my outer labia, and the part of my butt that was visible to her in my position, whatever that's called. I waxed a few days ago, thinking how embarrassing it would be to show a completely unkept vagina to a stranger, but I'm starting to regret that now because there's nothing hiding my lubrication. I'm sure she can see it, but she's so far kind enough not to say anything. I then feel her use two fingers to open my outer labia and start examining what's inside. She massages my inner labia, which almost makes me moan, and then my clitoris, which does make me moan. Was that supposed to happen? Maybe she didn't hear it. The whole time she examines me, she tries to make pleasant small talk, and I try to respond as though my lady bits aren't being pleasantly/awkwardly manipulated.
She massages my clitoris for what must be a solid five seconds, then massages my inner labia again with her thumb and forefinger of each hand, then massages my outer labia again, massaging from top to bottom. I can't be sure since I've never had one of these exams before, but I'm starting to wonder if this is a little excessive. I'm so wet I can feel it on my ass now, and she has managed to massage it all over my hairless labia. Dr Lane then spreads open my ass cheeks and gently rubs my perineum and the exterior of my asshole for another five to ten seconds. I try to stifle another moan. She then stops and reaches over to her tray. I'm a little disappointed the massage has stopped. I can't believe how good that was feeling. Is this supposed to feel good? It probably doesn't help that I find her pretty sexy.
She turns back toward my exposed wet vagina and says, "alright, now for the fun part. I am going to insert this speculum into your vagina and get a swab from your cervix, okay?" Again, I barely manage to choke out an "uh huh". She giggles and jokingly says, "normally I have to lube this thing up, but I think you've already taken care of that for me", and slowly inserts the speculum into my vagina.
It feels really long. She must be going really slowly because it seems to take forever to get all the way in. Finally I feel the handle against my ass crack, and she stops pushing it in. I think I can almost feel it against my cervix it's so deep.