For Emma P.
Deep down, I was silently scared shitless. I admit it!
The fact was, laying caged in the back of Georgina's van on the way in to Monkswood Farm -- naked, filthy and drenched in sweat -- I had been forced to accept that, having utterly failed to foresee any of what was happening to me, I really had no idea what the Farm's management had planned; my only certainty being that they clearly intended to make full use of the right I had given them to use and abuse me as they pleased and that, consequently, I really would be spending the next fortnight living as an animal.
I was on my way to becoming a Monkswood Farm pig and that was that -- just a sow with tits and three pokable holes; entirely dependent on the Farm's staff for even my most basic needs and helplessly at their mercy.
Of course, I knew I was free to quit and leave at any time. But Georgina had been right when she said my pride would never allow me to contemplate such a cowardly surrender. My word is my bond and all that! And, for better or for worse, I had given my word that I would see this through to the end.
So what could I do? I realised then that the only freedom I had left was the freedom to choose either to try to make the most of whatever came my way, or to spend the next two weeks being miserable. Unsurprisingly, I chose not to be miserable.
That was when I promised myself that I would live only in the moment; savouring life breath by breath, heartbeat by heartbeat; facing each new challenge as it arose; no longer trying to predict my future; no longer judging whatever transpired as 'good' or 'bad'; accepting my fate as simply an experience to be milked of every last drop of sensuality that I could possibly wring out of it.
No point in worrying! It wasn't going to change anything.
Che sarΓ sarΓ
! Whatever will be, will be!
"Fear is the enemy, the destroyer of dreams," I chanted silently in my head. "Listen to your body. Dare to be happy. Dare to be yourself."
My tits ached with anticipation. My clit tingled its approval.
Unfortunately, though a stickler for keeping promises made to others, I confess my honour has never been good at keeping promises made to myself. What can I say? I thought I was doing rather well on the whole -- until about a nanosecond after hearing that I was to be examined by the Farm's resident 'veterinarian'.
I just couldn't help myself! The truth is, I have always hated anything medical being done to me -- another of my childhood demons. Moreover, I had seen enough documentaries to know that farm vets were anything but renowned for their gentle bedside manner, and had seen and read enough porn to know that, under the circumstances, if I was lucky, I might get off with nothing worse than having my entire body sexually assaulted. If not, I would most likely be subjected to the most fiendish tortures imaginable. And I am not good with pain!
In short, as Georgina led me across the farmyard, crawling naked on my hands and knees at the end of a rope, the two pints of cider I had consumed earlier having finally worked their way down to my bladder, I was close to wetting myself, trying to imagine and so prepare for the horrendous ordeal I felt sure was to be my fate.
* * *
Despite my trepidation, I was actually relieved to be finally led through the half-rotted, green door with 'VET' scrawled across it in white chalk.
The morning's clear blue sky had clouded over, leaving a chill in the air, and my knees were killing me; my arms and legs literally shaking as moving demanded an ever greater act of will in the battle between my soft extremities and the yard's uneven, unyielding cobblestones. Indeed, had it not been for Georgina's patient encouragement, I doubt that I would have made it as far as I did; the little taps she gave me with a stick being more to steer than to goad me on.
Not that the brick floor of the 'clinic' was any softer than the cobblestones of the yard. But at least it was flat and strewn with enough sawdust and straw to offer my poor bruised knees and scuffed feet some respite.
I say 'clinic' but, in reality, I found myself in one end of the Farm's Victorian stables -- I think originally the tack room, extended and partitioned off from the rest of the solidly built, brick edifice by a floor-to-ceiling palisade of rough wooden slats, spaced in such a way that I couldn't help feeling as though I had been led into another cage. Indeed, illuminated only by a solitary, bare lightbulb and a barred fanlight so dirty it admitted no more than a wintry glow, my immediate impression was not of a clinic but of a dungeon.
"And what have we here, Mrs Farmer?"
Startled, my heart stuttered seeing the tiny, wizened stick of a woman in her early sixties emerge from the shadows; her green wellies strangely at odds with the smart brown woollen skirt and stylish, lilac cardigan she wore beneath a somewhat less than white lab coat.
"Oh hello Jen... I mean doctor. It's our newest pig, Squelch," Georgina fizzed. "I know it's late but hubby... I mean Mr Farmer, asked if you could possibly check her over so we can get her settled in before dinnertime."
"Of course! I've nearly finished unpacking. And thanks for offering to help tomorrow. Not as young as I used to be," Jenny shrugged.
"How is retirement treating you?" Georgina enquired, as though chatting astride a naked woman was the most natural thing in the world.
"Oh I'm not completely retired," Jenny laughed. "Just left the NHS so I could claim my pension. A bit too long in the tooth for all the running around that goes with being a District Nurse, you know?
"I'm with an agency now. Back at the hospital next week as a Midwife, as it happens. They can't get the staff, you see. Hardly surprising since some 'Brain of Britain' thought it clever to cut back on the training programme. Fucking bean counters!