Excuse My Husband Please

Truth is quite often stranger than fiction, and I freely admit that this story is way beyond bizarre. I was originally going to put this in the Humor section, but in retrospect it was something that was funnier to see than to read. You had to be there, but only four (maybe 5) of us were.

I have placed the story in the fetish category, even though I am not in the least convinced that the appreciation of women who do not choose to remove their body hair necessarily qualifies.

The awkward English spoken by the Japanese woman was part of what made the experience so strange, and my attempt to recreate it is not meant to be derogatory in any way.

****

It was a lazy summer afternoon in July, and my wife Debbie and I decided to take a drive around the Catskills in New York. We thought that making a few stops at wineries would be a pleasant enough way to kill a Sunday afternoon, so we went down to the Brotherhood Winery.

It was rather refreshing to take the tour through the cellars, as the temperature was much cooler down there. The tour was a leisurely one, as there was quite a crowd there, and it took quite a long time for the whole group to reassemble at each stop along the way.

At some point in the tour, I noticed that we had somehow become the main attraction for an Asian couple. The man would gesture over to us and speak in excited whispers to the woman he was with. She would answer quietly while looking in our direction. They were speaking in Japanese, so if they were speaking softly because they concerned about us eavesdropping, they were pretty safe.

To make sure I wasn't the object of their conversation, I checked the usual areas of concern. Zipper up, no toilet paper trail in my wake, so I was at a loss. I tried to ignore them and made idle chitchat with my lovely wife.

The tour ended up in a tasting room where we were able to sample the many varieties of wines they produced. In the middle of trying a very pleasant Pinot Noir, my wife leaned over toward me.

"What is it with those two?" Debbie asked, while rolling her eyes in the direction of the Japanese couple. "They've been staring at us ever since we got here."

"They've probably never seen anyone so beautiful before" I told Debbie.

I was only exaggerating slightly, because

Debbie did look sensational that day. She was wearing a tan summer dress with paisley designs on it. It was a sleeveless summer dress with a scoop neck, and although she wasn't wearing a bra, the fabric of the dress was such that it wasn't all that obvious.

Even though Debbie was now forty four years old, she still didn't really need to wear a bra, as her sizeable assets still stood up proudly. If that was what they were staring at, it really didn't bother me as long as they didn't get carried away with the staring. Fact is, it kind of turned me on. I don't think it did all that much for Debbie though.

We bought a couple of bottles and went back to the car after the tasting concluded. We headed up north to hit another winery before going home, and on the way we talked about what had just occurred.

"Did that bother you, they way they were staring at you?" I asked Debbie.

"It was mostly the guy doing the staring" Debbie said. "I think the woman was just conversing with him."

"Probably that dress" I suggested. "It certainly doesn't do much to hide those mammoth mammaries of yours" I kidded.

Debbie had gotten considerably more busty over the past few years, as her body changed with middle age. A little fuller everywhere, but still an incredible looking woman with a solid physique that still got my attention all the time.

"You bought this dress for me, and there's no way to wear a regular bra with it" Debbie said, referring to the spaghetti straps that held it up. "I can't help the fact that my boobs keep getting bigger, I'm just happy that the rest of me isn't too. I'm just not really sure that my tits were what they were looking at."

****

We arrived at the Millbrook Winery, and waited outside for the next tour to begin. The day had cooled a bit, and the light breeze that drifted through the vineyard carried the unmistakable aroma of the fruit on the vine.

"Oh shit, take a look over there" Debbie said, and when I glanced toward the parking lot I saw the Japanese couple emerging from their car. They smiled at us as they went past us and into the building, as they apparently were going to sign up for the next tour as well.

"I think you have a couple of secret admirers" I remarked.

"You sound like you're enjoying this" Debbie said, as a wry smile crossed her face.

"I'd be lying if I said it doesn't turn me on" I admitted without shame. "Look, you're about ten years older than they are, and I'd take it as a compliment if I were you, as long as it doesn't get out of control" I said. There was no way I would let that happen.

The Japanese couple emerged from the building along with the tour guide and a small group of other tourists. They were probably in their early thirties, and the woman was very cute. The guy was a trifle nerdish looking and wore typical tourist clothing, complete with a camera around the neck and white socks with sandals. The couple came over next to us and they smiled and nodded toward us as the tour guide spoke.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched the couple stare at Debbie from the side. There was little doubt in my mind that they were staring over at Debbie's breasts, and I was glad that Debbie hadn't noticed, as she was listening to the tour guide explain the different grape varieties grown there.

The man was fiddling with the dangling camera and I thought for a minute he was going to try to take Debbie's picture. The next minute, to my amazement, he reached up and hit the button on top of the camera, and I heard the sound of the resulting click and whirr. Son of a bitch!

I started chuckling as the group followed the guide into the building to continue the tour. Debbie looked at me and snarled good naturedly at me as we went in, with our Japanese friends close by.

"Why doesn't he take a picture?" Debbie said while shaking her head.

"Uh, I think he did" I said, trying and failing to keep a straight face.

"WHAT?" Debbie almost shouted at me, as I held the door open for her.

"Ssssssh" I whispered. "Let's not cause an international incident here. I don't think the women in Japan are usually very big on top, so it's probably a treat for him."

The Japanese woman was quite attractive, but very slender, so I figured that maybe boobs were the attraction.

"That's not what they're looking at" Debbie snapped at me. "Geez Dave, I thought you would have figured it out by now. Especially you of all people!"

I didn't really have any idea, but by now we had fallen behind the others, so we hustled to catch up. Since the Millbrook winery was smaller than Brotherhood, the tour was much briefer. We were at the back of the herd that was heading toward the tasting room at the tour's conclusion, along with Debbie's fan club couple, when Debbie asked me to hold her pocketbook.

Debbie reached her hands up and pulled her hair back off of her shoulders. I heard a scuffing sound from beside me, and looked over quickly to see the Japanese woman stumble and almost fall, the apparent result of her husband stepping on the back of her foot and taking her shoe off. He didn't make a move to help his wife but instead continued staring at Debbie as she finished fluffing up her auburn tresses, his eyes focused intently on...

AH-HA! The light bulb lit up over my head at last as I finally figured out what the attraction was. Debbie took her bag back and shook her head at my pathetic lack of brains, and I followed here into the tasting room.

Behind me I could hear the woman struggling to get her shoe back on, and they were engaged in a very animated conversation. I had a sneaking suspicion that he was getting his ass chewed, and I was sorry that I couldn't understand a word of it.

We beat them into the bar area, and were enjoying a delightful Chardonnay with some bread dipped in olive oil when they finally rejoined the group. The man was certainly not contrite at this point, and he resumed paying a great deal of attention to Debbie from across the room.

We walked over to the balcony area with our glasses of wine to escape, and enjoyed the view of the vineyard stretching as far as we could see.

"You men are all perverts" Debbie cracked at me.

"Hey, I can't believe I didn't catch on before that" I sheepishly admitted. "He's a man after my own heart. The guy has good taste if nothing else."

For some reason, I felt a bit of relief that the guy hadn't been staring at Debbie's boobs after all, but instead was obviously fascinated by the hair under her arms. Hey, I could hardly blame him, and was actually very aroused by the way it affected the man.

I freely admit to sneaking more than a peek at females who let nature take its course so far as body hair goes. I know I'm not as obvious as this guy about it though, or nearly as inept. Just look, for chrissakes, don't leer. It's not a freak show or anything, it's just a little hair. Nobody gawks at a guy with a moustache.

I happened to look up at that point and saw that the couple was heading in our direction.

"If you want to get rid of them, here's your chance" I told Debbie, who looked over and shook her head in disbelief at who was coming over toward us. "Give him another peek at your armpits and they'll probably both go over the edge here" I said, looking down at the ground below us and imagining the possibilities.

"Hello" the woman said smiling, while her husband grinned broadly and nodded at us.

We returned the greeting and stood awkwardly there, not having the slightest idea what was next.

"My name is Kumiko, and this is my husband Naoki" she announced. "His English is not good."

"Oh, Uh... my name is Dave and this is my wife Debbie" I finally managed to get out. They smiled, we smiled, and we all stood there looking like fools.

"Uh, you were at the other winery, weren't you?" I said, trying to break the awkward silence.

"Yes, the Brotherhood" the woman said in halting English, and I assumed she repeated what I had said to her husband, who nodded and smiled before saying something to his wife.

"Naoki, he say to tell you we not follow you, we just lucky" Kumiko said while looking at us to see if she had made herself clear.

We smiled at that, and resumed standing there like idiots. Kumiko's English wasn't great, but it was miles ahead of our Japanese, which did not exist.

"Good wine here?" she asked, and we nodded back at her and agreed.

The two of them had a little conversation between themselves, and then Kumiko nodded and turned toward us again.

"Excuse my husband Naoki, but he very much likes looking at your... wife?" she asked. I nodded and she continued.

"My husband sees that your wife has hair" she said. "He always thinks that is very... sexual. Very exciting. Not very many American woman have the hair."

Debbie's face was beet red and she was clearly considering her options at this point. She could throw me off the balcony for convincing her to let the hair under her arms grow, throw the couple over the side, or jump herself.

"No, it sort of went out of fashion in the eighties I guess. Uh... er... why don't you just... uh..." I said eloquently, finally motioning to hopefully suggest that Kumiko let nature take its course too, if he liked it so much.

They had another exchange complete with enough gestures and motions to make me dizzy.

"I have not anything like your wife" Kumiko said. "Your wife has very much hair under there. Very exciting! "

I don't know if they thought that was a compliment, and the fact of the matter is that Debbie is certainly not exceptionally endowed in that department, and is significantly less furry than a couple of other women I had known previous to our marriage.

I tried to explain to Kumiko that it wasn't the amount of hair that I found exciting. What excites me is the woman going against the rest of the herd in not adopting a rather silly ritual, and a woman's showing both self-confidence and an independent streak that I found most stimulating. Whether that got through to them I did not know, but Kumiko and Naoki spoke to each other again.

"My husband he... he... he would like to perhaps have picture taken of your lovely wife" Kumiko stammered. "Picture with hair showing."

"Huh? Un-fucking believable!" Debbie suddenly blurted out, and started choking from laughter. "Oh man, I gotta find a bathroom quick! Fuck!" With that, Debbie skipped down the hall laughing her ass off. Leaving me standing there, smiling and bouncing from foot to foot nervously.

"Bathroom" I said meekly, in explanation.

"Oh please! No fucking" Kumiko said very sternly to me. "Sorry if I tell you this wrong. Naoki and I are very very happy just me and him. Naoki he just wanted picture."

I nodded in response and told Kumiko I thought I understood. "My wife Debbie, she's a little embarrassed at all this, I think. Something like this, well... it's never happened before." To anybody, I thought to myself.

"We are sorry if this makes you both feel ashamed" Kumiko said softly as she lowered her eyes a little. "That was not what we meant to be. Not at all. We think your wife lovely."

I agreed with them and I assured them there was no harm done. I was relieved that Debbie had now came back to rescue me. She was still flushed and had clearly enjoyed a good laugh while in the bathroom.

"I see all you cheerful deviates are still here" Debbie said with a laugh, and I was grateful to see that she was not fully understood by our new friends.

"Hello. Yes, we all still here" Kumiko said very cheerfully. "We can take picture now?"

Good grief! Still with the picture! I expected Debbie to take a swing at the two of them, and I cringed when Debbie reached into her pocketbook, half expecting her to pull out her pepper spray and hose down all of us. Instead, she simply took her sunglasses out of her bag and put them on.

"If you ever tell anybody about this David, I'll kick your nuts into your throat, I swear to you" Debbie said kiddingly, I think. "Damn wine! It always makes me act goofy."

Debbie walked around the side of the balcony to get out of sight of the people still sipping wine inside, hoping to keep them blissfully unaware of the weird scene taking place out here.

"How's this?" Debbie laughed, and struck a provocative pose with her arms raised high in the air.

The man was nodding and grinning as he tried to take a picture, looking up at Debbie and then back down at the camera repeatedly. He grew frustrated and finally handed the camera to his wife, who apologized profusely.

"Naoki, he says his hands are too shaking to take good picture" Kumiko said, and she promptly began snapping away.

Debbie was actually enjoying this! Nothing like the power of the grape to loosen someone's inhibitions a little. Still, I was stunned to watch her acting like a model, prancing around the balcony in a variety of poses designed to showcase her furry armpits for the delight of these tourists. I watched Naoki walk over next to Debbie and try to get into the picture.

Debbie let him stand next to her as she stood there with her hands locked behind her head, puckering her lips and doing all sorts of poses. Suddenly, Naoki reached over and ran the back of his hand under Debbie's arm and said something.

I saw Debbie shudder and I smiled, knowing how sensitive she was around there, and I frankly was amazed that she let the guy do this. This guy was staying far away from any contact with any other parts of her, much to my relief, and just kept softly stroking while saying something to his wife. Debbie looked like she was frozen in place, the shiver that ran down her body the only sign she was alive.

Finally Naoki's wife came over to them and Kumiko briefly stroked the hair under Debbie's arm too. I was going out of my mind watching this crazy scene unfold. Kumiko said something that I didn't quite catch, because my attention was briefly diverted by the sight of a man who was starting to come out to the balcony too. I don't know for sure whether he saw what was going on and decided it was too freaky for him, or just changed his mind, but thankfully he turned around and went back inside.

"Your wife, her underarm hair is so very soft, much like silk" Kumiko told me. "It feel very sexual" she said blushing, while stepping back and clicking off another picture.

Suddenly the show was over, and amidst a bunch of nodding and handshakes, they left us out on the balcony. We laughed nervously, but we were so utterly dazed by the entire experience I don't know what we felt. The entire episode had lasted about five minutes, if that.

"Have an accident Dave?" Debbie asked me, and when I looked down I was embarrassed to see a huge wet spot in the front of my slacks. This mess was compounded by the fact that I had a very visible and raging erection which brought even more attention to the stain my oozing cock had caused.

We tried to slink out the door without being seen by anyone, and I grabbed a local events booklet to hold in front of me as we beat a hasty retreat. There would be no stopping to shop here, not with me in my disheveled condition.

We got out to our car and my hands were shaking when I tried to start the car. My days of sexual adventures were long behind me, and this bizarre event was so wildly out of character for us that it left we speechless.

Suddenly, I almost had a stroke when there was a knock at my window. It was Kumiko again, with her husband right behind her. What now? What can we possibly do for an encore that would top what had just transpired? I hit the button to let the window roll down.

Kumiko handed a bag to me through the window, a bag that contained a couple of bottles of the Chardonnay we had been tasting inside the winery.

"Naoki and I we want to say thank you for your kindness" the woman said before beginning to back away. "We think that you Dave, are a very lucky man and your wife Debbie, she is very beautiful. She make us both very happy because she is so generous to share her beauty."

Not knowing what else to do, I waved and thanked them, handing the bottles to Debbie before pulling out of the lot and down the winding road out of the vineyard. We drove in silence for a minute, and I didn't know what to say.

"Pull down that road David" Debbie said while pointing to a overgrown path that appeared to be an old service road of some kind. Apparently Debbie was going to have to make an unscheduled pit stop.

I dutifully drove a little way down, hearing the weeds brush against the sides of our mini-van as I maneuvered my way through the narrow opening. I was sorry that she hadn't gone to the bathroom while we were back at the winery instead of this.

I stopped the car and in a flash Debbie had climbed into the back of the van. Her panties were off by the time her butt hit the reclined back seat. She threw the panties at me and cackled madly. They were sopping wet and so was her pussy, that I could see even from up front. The dampness made her light brown bush glisten, and she had hiked that dress way up over her hips and had her legs spread and waiting for me.

"You'd better still have that hard on David!" Debbie said in no uncertain terms, and the quiver in her voice told me everything I needed to know about how the previous events had affected her.

I didn't have an erection when she said that, but by the time I put the car in neutral, checked the rear-view mirror and climbed into the back to join Debbie, I surely did. Because I was so excited, our lovemaking didn't last long, but that was alright too, because Debbie came just as soon as I slid inside her.