Sitting in this uncomfortable office chair, in a room with three women, across the desk of the curly haired blonde in her mid 40s makes me sweaty, my mouth is dry, I actively have to stop me leg from bouncing. I've been dreading this moment for two months. And I don't have a good feeling about it.
"So... How would you describe your time here with us?"
"I... uhm... quite good? I mean... Yeah. I really like it here. And I think I did a good job."
My eyes wander to the woman leaning against the windowsill behind her boss, early 50s, brunette, really good looking for her age. If she wasn't frowning so hard right now. I gulp.
"I mean... More or less. Given how I have little experience in this field of work and have to kinda learn the ropes all over..."
"Mhm. And you think you did well, considering?"
I nod.
"Would it surprise you that your direct superior for the last two months disagrees with that assessment?"
My head sinks and I shake it.
"I mean... sure, I'm still making mistakes, but I Have gotten better. I'm getting used to the requirements and regulations and all..."
"Your superior reports your case work on the files is faulty about 50% of the time, right?"
She looks at the older brunette who nods.
"Which, sure is better than at the start but still..."
"It's just minor mistakes I'm still making, though. And I have been only learning the ropes for two months. Three weeks of which, my superior was on sick leave, so..."
"You're blaming her for not not teaching your properly, then?"
I quickly shake my head again - she's been working here for years, there's really no point in confronting her on that, that's not getting me the job. And even I it did, I would have to work under her, then. Not a good start.
"No. Of course not."
"Your work on the computer is even worse, she reports"
"I didn't even get my own access to the system in the probation period and only worked with this program for about an hour during..."
She interrupts me.
"And when you were confronted with your shortcomings you hardly gave any satisfying feedback. Which I can see now, as well."
"I... I'm introverted, I'm, not really good at... you know... communicating. Which kinda seems to have lead to misunderstandings....."
The boss nods.
"Well. You Do have to communicate with your superiors using big boy words everywhere, right? Not too good conditions work here, if you can't talk to your supervisor. Is it because she's a woman, maybe?"
I shake my head determinately.
"No. Not at all. I love working under women..."
"Hm. That's nice to hear, at least. I like a man who knows his place. Anyone else has anything to say?"
The third woman in the room - some years younger than me, athletic, black - shakes her head. She wears a black leather skirt, a little too short for an office environment, allowing me a good look at her shapely legs - knees and a bit of upper thighs included. If I wasn't so distracted by this talk, I would really enjoy the view.
"He did some errands for me, but mostly down in the archives, so I didn't get to see him much. Can't complain about anything he did for me, though, he seems quite diligent and obedient. Did what I told him to do without any mistakes."
The brunette scoffs.
"Sorting files and searching for records isn't much of a challenge, is it? Seems he's not too bright."
The boss nods.
"And if I had a full time job in which you could to that all day, I'd be happy to employ you. You do seem made for menial tasks like that. I admit you aren't lazy, always were on time, never missed a day. You're diligent, reliable. But unfortunately not too smart. Or attentive when doing more complicated work. Didn't do any overtime either, did you? Just doing what you're told. A worker drone. No offence, but this job requires someone with more -- commitment."
I feel quite offended but shrug my shoulders. Not much I can say, they have clearly made up their mind about me, right or wrong.
"So as it is..."
"What about that other thing?"
The black woman raises her voice.
"I think he'd be good at that. Sounds like exactly the kind of work where his strengths come into play."
The boss frown and sighs.
"Listen -- I can see where you come from, but that's -- way to unconventional. It could get us into some trouble if he chooses to get all sensitive about it and report us. You know how men are - no sense of humour about such things."
I clear my throat.
"You know I really need a job, right? I'm not sensitive at all."
She looks at me dubiously.
"You have been unemployed for quite a while now, hm?"
The black woman chuckles
"One of the reasons I think he's ideal - apart from being quite cute, he's desperate!"
I blink. Did I mishear that? Highly unprofessional. But also... I literally just told them I'm not to sensitive when it comes to my workplace, so let's not make a fuss.
"He sure is. On both accounts."
Even the sceptical frown of my superior dissipates. A little. OK. I feel a little excoriated here -- humiliated, even, but... whatever it takes, right?
"I really like working here. If I get a chance in an other position in which... maybe my... shortcomings..."
I feel the blood flow into my head. I don't think the accusations of my failing at my work are fair, but if I have to Kowtow for this, I will.
".. my shortcomings are less -- relevant. And I can... learn the ropes in a lower ranking position?"
The women share knowing looks.