So begins the tale of Edward, a 19 year-old young man and the ordeals he endures from having a very small penis. Possible incestuous/Oedipal feelings are discussed but not acted upon in this first installment. To all of the "small" men out there who might have fantasized about their mothers learning about their most secret shame: this is for you. Enjoy!
"Oh my God. Oh my... God." It still took a moment for me to think to close the bathroom door that I had just opened after saying those words out loud. I had no idea that my 19 year-old son had just finished showering and was standing naked inside. Just barging in on him unexpectedly and violating his privacy wasn't the only problem, though. I had stared at his penis for at least three seconds as I stood there. I was still staring at his penis when I involuntarily uttered those words and swiftly closed the door.
I was staring at his penis; his very small, flaccid penis. Well, the glans of his penis anyway.
My first instinct was to turn and walk away as swiftly from the situation as possible. But I didn't. I stood there momentarily, wondering if I should say something more, something in the form of an apology. Then I heard the soft sound of him weeping coming from the other side of the door.
This time I knocked first. "Edward, may I come inside." After receiving no response I slowly opened the door once more. I saw him sitting on the closed seat of the toiled, his towel now wrapped around his waist. His hands were covering his face. I could tell it was of the brightest shade of crimson underneath.
I sat down on the edge of the bathtub, adjacent to the toilet where he sat. Water that remained from his shower immediately soaked through the seat of my Capri pants. I couldn't have cared less. I placed my hand softly on his bare shoulder in an attempt to reassure him.
"Edward, I'm so very sorry. I didn't mean to walk in on you while you are naked. It's OK."
"It's not," he replied, his voice muffled by his hands still held over his face, "It's really not."
"I promise that it's not that big of a deal. I've seen you naked before, you know. It's nothing to be -"
"You saw it. I saw you staring at it. You couldn't take your eyes off of it, and now you know..."
"Know what, Edward? What is it that I know?" I was rubbing his shoulder with my hand trying to comfort him.
"You know, Mom. You know how small my penis is now..." his voice trailed off.
He was right. My state of shock wasn't induced simply by seeing my own son naked. What I beheld with my eyes for that three seconds that seemed like they lasted forever was a very tiny, pink glans that was flush with the surface of his pelvis. I saw no visible shaft in-between. Had I not known he was 19, I would have thought it belonged to a boy half his age. The image was seared into my mind's eye, and I wished I could rid myself of it.
As his mother I did a terrible job protecting his feelings, not only by staring at it but also by making the accompanying exclamation I did. All I could think to do was to continue rubbing his shoulder reassuringly. He finally lowered his hands from his face, then just stared down at the floor before him. Tears ran down his cheeks and dripped from his chin.
"I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be small most of the time, sweetie," I lied. The truth was that I could tell that it was abnormally small for a young man his age. I tried to comfort him nevertheless.
"No, Mom. It's always small like this."
"Even while you're..." I found that I couldn't finish my own sentence out of my own sheer embarrassment.
"Erect?" He completed my sentence for me and then paused making for a very awkward silence, and then whispered, "Yes. I mean, it's a little larger and longer, but not much."
My heart sank; it actually broke for him. I felt even more guilty. If this was some kind of medical condition, perhaps his father and I could get him help. Perhaps we should have gotten help much earlier. But how would I have ever known?
Then, in my attempt to break the next awkward silence between us I spoke before really thinking about what I was saying.
"Do you grow hair down there?" Did I really say that out loud?
"Yes," he responded immediately, "A lot, actually. But I, um, shave it off. That's why it looks that way."
"Why?" Again, why did I ask such a stupid question?
"The hair really gets in the way when I pee, because my penis is not long enough to hold and aim at the toilet. I usually sit down to pee anyway."
"I see," I said without really any idea of what to say next. I looked down at his lap. His towel was still wrapped around his waist as he sat and sufficiently obscuring it from my view.
To tell you the truth I was not using my best judgment at all. My maternal instincts should have overridden any foolish thoughts that I had. I should have walked away from the door after closing it and let him deal with the trauma of having been seen. I should have and then never mentioned it afterward, perhaps pretend that it never occurred.
That's not what happened at all.
As I sat next to him, still staring at his towel-covered lap, my curiosity overwhelmed me. I slowly reached down and touched the edges of the towel where they met. He looked up at me, confused. I tried to give him the most loving expression with my face that I could make as I attempted to part the edges of the towel.
"Let me see, sweetie," I whispered as I began to pull the towel apart to reveal him once again.
"Mom, no. Please..." he responded. His hands moved to stop my own.
"Let me see it. Trust me. It's OK." He didn't move his hands away, but he gave no resistance when I took them into my own, moved them, and then slowly opened up the towel to expose his lap. He closed his eyes in humiliation knowing exactly what I would see when I did.
He had an erection. My eyes involuntarily widened upon seeing it.
It truly was small. His pink glans was slightly larger than it was in its flaccid state but perfectly shaped. Visible to me was perhaps two inches of shaft below it. The entire thing was no thicker than my own feminine thumb.