It was a late Friday night and I found myself, once again, cleaning up and locking up the rec centre alone. The halls were quiet, the sounds of all the kids and families long gone, and I was left with that familiar silence. Wandering the empty halls of the building led me to my usual pattern of thought: asking myself, how did I get here?
My life had hit a speed bump which turned into a slowdown and was threatening to turn into a full on dead end. I was 24 years old, had barely finished high school, and was stuck in this job as the janitor of the local recreation centre. I don't know how it happened - earlier in life I was part of a group of friends, made connections with people, and life seemed full of possibility. But as my teenage years went on those connections dwindled and I retreated more and more into my shell.
Some of it had to with my stature, or lack thereof. I was the same height as everyone in my grade until about Grade 7 when suddenly all of the other kids started getting taller and I stayed the same height. I waited for my growth spurt in Grade 8, Grade 9, Grade 10 and so on. I waited and waited. It became hard to ask girls out when you barely come up to their chin and try hanging out with a bunch of guys when you feel like a little brother. I couldn't play rough like the other guys or party like them - I was just too small.
When my growth spurt finally came in the summer of Grade 10, well it was more of a growth whimper. I grew a little but not nearly enough to overcome that feeling of being so much smaller than everyone else. I entered Grade 10 at my full height of 5'4 and I have no doubt that this contributed to my feelings of being alone, being smaller, being outside the group. I felt like everyone else was moving on, maturing, and I was stuck. It didn't help, of course, that my skin remained smooth and my features remained soft. There was no escaping it: I looked young.
The rest of my high school years passed by relatively uneventfully. Occasionally I would get invited to parties, and I would go, but I didn't drink like the other guys and girls weren't interested in a guy that was so much smaller than them. I remember in my senior year chatting with one girl who was about my height and thinking things were going well. We were laughing and having a good conversation until she said, "I really like you. I was so scared to come to high school but first year's been OK so far. Do you get scared of the older kids like me? It's nice to know that there's a nice, unthreatening boy in my year." I realized then that this girl was in grade 9, she was 14 years old - I was four years older than her but she thought I was a junior. I felt a vague sense of humiliation and I politely excused myself and eventually left the party.
My physical size contributed to my feeling of being outside of the group, of being left behind and it affected me more than I care to admit. As my friends got jobs and applied to university, I just didn't have the motivation. The world felt too daunting for me and I retreated into video games and books and started living a relatively solitary life. I moved out of my childhood home and found a small, quiet apartment where I could further retreat into my solitude. This didn't help me develop my physique or any outgoing qualities. Instead, I learned to find pleasure in being bookish and solitary. Eventually I got a job at the recreation centre which paid me just enough to survive and I spent most of my day cleaning up after the kids while trying to read fantasy novels in the back room.
I was reflecting on all of this as I mopped up the water next to the pool in the dim lights of rec centre. I wondered if I would ever try to break out of this mold and find some greater purpose in my life, like the characters in my novels? I won't deny that part of the thrill of reading those books is that those characters take on the challenges presented to them in a way that I find frightening and impossible. They were powerful warriors and I dreamed of being in their midst. I would stare at the art in the books, my eyes dwelling on the female warriors with their large breasts, carved abs, and swollen biceps and wonder what it would be like to be with a woman like that. Tasha was the character in my current novel that turned me on the most - she was the leader of a group of warriors and her the story spent a lot of time describing her biceps and strength. I was pleasurably remembering one particular scene involving Tasha, when, lost in my reverie, I slipped at the side of the pool and went tumbling into the deep end.
The water hit me suddenly and with great surprise. As I thrashed around in the water, I wished I had learned to swim. My wallet, my thick jeans, my work boots, my vest, my sweater, were all quickly getting heavy as they absorbed the water. I managed to slip off the vest but struggled to pull my sweater over my head and get free of its weight. As the sweater tangled on my head and I found myself unable to see and sinking quickly in the darkness. I tried to swim in the darkness but couldn't free myself from the sweater. I was panicking, struggling, and my heart was racing. I could feel the water trying to enter my mouth. Was I about to die? Was this the ending in the sad tale of my existence?
Suddenly, I felt a pair of hands grab either side of me and pull me to the top of the water. I was still totally confused, but the hands were firm and strong, and they forcefully dragged me to the top. I was taking in water in gulps but I managed to pull my head above water: I couldn't see anything through the sweater over my head but saw the light of the doorway beyond the pool. I was being dragged to the side. In a matter of moments, I felt someone put their arm under my neck and swim under me, towards the side. I tried to speak but was still in shock. The arm was strong and I could feel the legs of my rescuer kicking in full stride beneath my body. Finally I felt that we had made it to the side of the pool and I grabbed it with my hands still caught in the sweater.
I heard the person get out of the pool and then suddenly I felt the sweater, and me in it, being pulled out of the water. I flopped onto my side and took a second to cough up water and catch my breath. I heard a female voice that I didn't recognize say, "Are you OK? Let me help you out of there" and a pair of hands pulled the sweater from up over my head. I looked up but could only see her outline in the darkness.
"Thank.. Thank you." I said, still spluttering water.
"That's OK. Are you alright?! Wow, you're really lucky I was here to help."
"Thanks" I said, again, too winded to say anything intelligent.
"Let me turn on some lights." said the voice and I heard her walk to the light switch at the side of the pool. Meanwhile, I was lying on the side of the pool, trying to catch my breath.
The lights flicked on and I saw a female lifeguard that I'd seen but never met before. She was tall with a youthful face. Her eyes were dark and wide suggesting that she might be half-Asian. She was in her red lifeguard's uniform and had dark black hair that ran down her back. Her legs were long and strong and her shoulders looked defined but svelte. She had a tall swimmer's body - she was definitely taller than me, but I wasn't sure how much taller. She came up to me with a smile and as she approached.
"Wow, you were lucky that I was still here!"
"Thank you so much. I don't know what I would have done."
I stood up to address her and saw that I only came up to her chin. She likely stood about 5'9 to my 5'4.
"How did you know I fell in?" I stammered.
"I was in the changeroom, and hadn't left yet - we had some late lessons and I always give my students a little bit of extra instruction. I was taking my time getting changed when I heard the splash. At first I thought it was just something falling in but then I heard more splashing and I came running right away."
"Thank you." I said, still breathing heavily and trying to extricate myself from my sogging sweater. "What's your name?"
"Oh, you're welcome. I'm Lydia" she said, with a smile and held out her hand for me to shake. I took and it noticed both the size difference between our hands and the strength of her grip.
"I'm Robert." I said with a smile, still struggling with the sweater.
"Here, let me help you" and she pulled the sweater off my arms. Looking at my sopping clothes, she said, "You're going to need to change out of those."
"Yeah, I guess so." I said and looked up at her. She was quite attractive, with a very pretty face and a toned body. Her breasts were not huge but fit her frame very well and the definition in her arms was notable.
"Thanks again, so much. I think I owe you my life." I said, looking at her with a smile.
"Yeah, I guess you do" she said, shrugging her shoulders. "Here. Let me help you out of those things."
"I'm OK, I can do..." I tried to reply, but without waiting she walked behind me and pulled my shirt over my head. She then reached for my belt.
"Hey, hey. I can get this."
