Doctor Prescribed Regression

"Steven Collins?" The announcement of my name brought me round from my daydream in the surgery waiting room. My wife and I rose and headed for the room where my young Doctor stood at the door waiting to greet us.

"I hope you don't mind that I asked you both to come today. There are decisions to be made which involve you both."

That sounded ominous. I was there following a CT scan on my lower abdomen as I had been having pains in that region. As this appointment was so long after the scan, I thought nothing could be seriously wrong.

"The results of your scan, Steven, confirm that you have diverticular disease. These are small bulges in the large intestine which have become inflamed. If not treated these could lead to diverticulitis and then possibly more serious complications."

"You have three options. The first is to do nothing, which I do not recommend as you could become seriously ill. The second is a major operation to remove part of your large intestine which, if successful, would involve a lengthy stay in hospital and a long period of convalescence. The third is more radical."

My wife and I looked at each other. "What is this radical option?" I asked.

"Well, the large intestine can heal itself over time, but only if it is relieved of all stress and pressure for at least three months. I can see from your notes, Steven, that although you eat healthily, you eat late at night and you admit to eating overly large portions. That is very unhealthy from a digestive point of view and undoubtedly what has caused the problem in the first place."

"The treatment involves a complete change in your routine, both of you."

My wife looked puzzled.

"No more late-night feasts, I'm afraid Steven. What we need to do is to take all pressure off your large intestine for a period of at least 3 months. The way we do this is to draw up a new dietary plan which will consist of nutritious pureed food, much like baby food, rich in all the necessary vitamins and fibre but we can only embark on this treatment if you both agree to strictly monitor not only everything that Steven puts into his body, but everything that comes out."

Both my wife and I looked puzzled.

"We need to ensure that nothing is hanging about in your large intestine. Everything must pass straight through. Steven you will remember the liquid we gave you to take just before your colonoscopy to clear out your bowels, well 10mg of that will be added to all your meals from now on. Patrice, we will need you to be responsible for preparing, monitoring and administering all Steven's meals. That does mean that Steven cannot be left to feed himself. I can see from my notes that you have not had children. Perhaps this is the opportunity Patrice for you to take on the mothering role while Steven undergoes this three month regression treatment. In fact, if this appeals to you Patrice, I could prescribe you with tablets which will make you lactate and you would then be able to breastfeed Steven, perhaps as a reward for good behaviour."

"Another contributory factor will be Steven's bad habit of eating nothing all day and then large quantities late at night. That must stop immediately. I suggest three meals a day, the last no later that 7pm, other than any bedtime nursing Patrice feels has been earned."

My wife and I had 1001 questions.

"You mentioned monitoring everything that comes out" I tried to put delicately. "What do you mean by that?"

"OK, so I will order a large supply of medical-grade adult nappies. You will wear them Steven 24/7 for the next 3 months. You will not be able to go without them as your bowel movements will be extremely loose and sudden. You will not be able to control when you mess. These nappies are designed to hold large quantities of both urine and faecal matter but they are expensive so you will only have enough supply for two changes a day. You must use them Steven for both your wee and poo." The doctor seemed to be adopting a rather matron-like tone. "If you do not keep them on and use them as directed 24/7, we can help Patrice to secure them on you." Now the doctor addressed my wife directly "If you think Steven might remove his nappy when you are not around, I will order a lockable latex nappy cover which will prevent removal and ensure that there are no leaks while you are away. If you need any further deterrents Patrice, we also have fingerless gloves, or mittens if you like, which can be secured on Steven to prevent any attempts to interfere with his new attire."

The doctor took my wife's stunned silence as tacit agreement to ordering these security devices and made notes on the file.

"And you must allow everything to flow out of you when it wants to Steven. If you were to attempt to prevent having a bowel movement you would put pressure on the large intestine and that would defeat the object of this treatment. Just to make sure I will ask the practice nurse to fit you with a tunnel plug which will prevent you from being able to clench your bottom. You remember the practice nurse don't you, Steven? She is the lady you made a complaint about because you thought she had kept you waiting for 10 minutes beyond your last appointment when she was, in fact, dealing with a life or death situation. She has expressed a keen interest in helping to ensure this treatment is effective.

"The tunnel plug will stay in for the full three months but the practice nurse will want to see you every week to remove, clean and reinsert the plug. They come in different sizes and it will be her decision how large the plug needs to be. There is a one in ten chance that you will lose the ability to prevent faecal leakage after the plug is removed which will mean wearing nappies for the rest of your life, Steven. That is the risk you will have to accept. If there is any upside to that scenario it is that should a real man (and I think you will have to accept that wearing and messing nappies 24/7 is not something a real man does) want to penetrate you, you will not be able to offer any resistance no matter how large he is and the sensation will be most pleasurable for him. Eventually, with enough use, I suspect you will find that the only arousal you will be able to experience will be from having a large alpha male penetrate you."

This was all getting a bit much but before I could object, the doctor continued.

"The used nappies must be placed in a nappy pail which will be collected once a week, measured and analysed at a laboratory to make sure that nothing is being retained in the large intestine."

"The other bad habit we must address is Steven's bedtime". The doctor was now addressing my wife directly, as if I were not there. "He needs 8-10 hours of sleep each night and I therefore suggest putting him to bed no later than 8. Now this can be tough on you Patrice and so what I will do is arrange the loan of a large bed/cot which will be installed in a bedroom other than your marital bedroom. After all Patrice, you will not want to sleep next to Steven in his nappy which is going to be messy most of the time. The cot will have a waterproof mattress and bars so that, if necessary, you can secure Steven in the cot in case you want to go out on a date."

I looked at my wife expecting a look as if to say that is an outrageous suggestion, instead of which my wife seemed to be warming to this whole scenario.

"Do you have any questions?" I had plenty but my wife jumped in "No, I think we will be able to put up with this new regime for three months". She turned to me "It is only for three months, sweetie".

"The treatment should be successful provided Steven does everything you tell him to Patrice. Absolutely everything."

My wife made ready to leave and I followed her to the door. "Thank you so much for your advice and recommendations, Doctor. It may be a difficult three months for little Steven but if we implement all your suggestions, I am sure we will make it through and who knows, perhaps some of these changes will have to be permanent. I certainly look forward to one or two benefits I was not expecting." My wife looked a little flushed as if having naughty thoughts.