The clock ticked quietly in the stuffy silence of Dr. Masha's office. To Tina it seemed loud, out of place. She also thought that the office was humid even though she could feel the cool conditioned air brush past her body. She'd been coming to Dr. Masha for a year but she still felt a tension when coming to his office for a therapy appointment.
Dr. Masha was sitting in his usual chair, mostly behind Tina and the couch she was laying on. Although she couldn't really see him, she knew the doctor was making some notations in his journal as the session began. Her eyes glanced around the office spotting the same things as every other session with Masha: the stuffed monkey, the panoramic photograph of Rio de Janeiro, the plants which never seemed to grow.
Neither spoke for several minutes. Tina finally gave in.
"I had the dream again this week."
Masha was silent, waiting.
"It was the train again, most likely a subway or a train in a tunnel, it wasn't clear..."
"Describe it as if it were happening to you," interrupted Masha, reminding her of his ground rules.
She swallowed. "I board and have nothing with me. I know that I am expected somewhere and that makes me a little anxious." She had to stop her fingers from twisting the hem of her blouse.
"It is only after the train began moving that I realize that not only is it pretty packed with people, I am the only woman."
Dr. Masha made a small sound and Tina paused, straining her ears to see if he was going to say more. After a few moments, she continued.
"I look around and I know these are powerful men, handsome men, rich men. I see cell phones and business suits but some are wearing only board shorts, showing off their muscles." Tina swallowed, very aware of how powerful these images were to her and how much the retelling was affecting her.
In ways, telling someone, anyone, about the vivid dreams she was having felt like drinking water to quench her thirst but that her thirst didn't diminish. She had to let it out. Keeping it locked away was difficult, invading her dreams at night or in the day. Still, she couldn't help feeling ashamed that Dr. Masha was seeing her every insecurity and dirty impulse.
"Go on," he said in his low voice. Tina frowned at the chill his voice gave her at that moment.
"Next I start catching their stares. In moments they are all staring at me."
"How do you feel?"
"I am wet, I mean in my dream I was wet. I felt as aroused as I do when I'm.. well.. wet."
Silence.
