Classifieds

Have you ever had that feeling like you're being pranked?

Not like, your friend poured tabasco into your

coffee while you were in the bathroom, pranked, but an elaborate, TV style of prank, one with a super high budget and multiple cameras.

That's how AJ was feeling, looking at the woman across from him, as she beamed back at him like a classic Hollywood starlet.

'So, will you impregnate me?' She asked hopefully, fluttering her long eyelashes.

Andrew-James, or AJ to his friends, had seen her advert posted on an online classifieds site, one month prior to this surreal encounter. The message had been simple:

WANTED

Young, healthy man to impregnate me.

No strings attached.

Must provide medical records, including: Vaccination history, STD test, genetic screening, family medical history, and proof of a healthy diet and lifestyle.

Contact me through this website if interested.

SERIOUS ENQUIRIES ONLY.

He had sent off the first message out of sheer curiosity:

AJ: Is this legit?

He certainly hadn't expected a reply so quickly:

MommaInTheMaking: Completely. Are you interested?

His questions moved to her motives. Not many women were interested in a no commitment pregnancy, but much to his surprise, and delight, "MommaInTheMaking", or as he came to know her, Lacey, seemed totally normal. No tin foil hats, no wanting to carry the next Messiah, just a sensible, late thirties woman, who wanted a child and was sick of all the fuss.

She'd looked into various alternatives, including adoption, but they all seemed to be wrapped up in more red tape than a Christmas present, and as impenetrable as nun's chastity belt.

Gradually, AJ began to send over his information. She'd requested photos, and he'd got one in return, a blonde bombshell of a woman, age only just starting to touch her features, enriching them, aging like fine wine. She had bright red lips to match her dress, her hair quaffed in a retro style, built like a pin-up model, thick around the hips with a slender waist and heavy bust. He really couldn't believe his luck, and that's why, a month of constant communication later, he had agreed to meet, convinced Ashton Kutcher was going to jump out any second.

'AJ?' She said softly, jogging him out of his very dated references and back into the present moment.

The shop smelled lovely, two hot cups of tea sat between them, his still steaming, untouched, and Lacey's half finished, her dark lipstick of choice marking the white mug. She lifted it and took another sip, the heat fogging the stylish reading glasses she wore perched on her little nose. She was wearing a heavy sweater and jeans, neither of which managed to hide her bombastic figure. Frost kissed the windows outside, and on the inside, they were steamed with condensation. A fresh chill blew over them as someone entered, with a little tingle of the bell above the door.

'Sorry.' He shook his head, smoothing back a lock of curly black hair that had fallen into his face. 'Yes, absolutely. I'd love to.'

She smiled over the top of her cup, eyes sparkling. 'Excellent. You were, by far, the best pick of the litter. Most men who contacted me just wanted to role-play, the moment I started asking how their Grandfather's died they scurried off.' She huffed, and took another sip of her tea.

AJ nodded along, his ankles crossed under the table. She had a manila folder in front of her; he felt like he was at a job interview.

She put her cup down daintily, 'So, I assume you understand there are a few more steps?'

He leaned forward in his chair, finally reaching for his cup. 'Well I didn't think I'd be doing it right here.' He said drily.

She giggled at that, a light, bubbling sound, punctuated with a snort which made her cover her mouth.

'Funny. Good quality to have.' She leaned forward with him, elbows on the round table, eyes glittering with intelligence and excitement. 'There are a few rules to follow. Number one, no more drinking for a month.'

AJ shrugged, 'That's not too bad.'

She flipped open the front page of her folder, 'No masturbation either, or pornography, which includes erotica and erotic audio, your diet and exercise habits are already acceptable, but I'd consider eating some more red meat.'

She closed the folder and met his eyes again, 'No stroking your cock, and eat more steak, think you can handle that?' She made it sound like the deal of the century.

AJ nodded, and held out his hand, and the pair shook, in a very businesslike fashion.

So, one month passed of vigorous exercise, no cold beers after a long day, and fresh, nutritious meals often cooked by Lacey herself, and hand delivered to his house, where she would often stay to check in on his progress.

Lacey had the conception day labelled on her calendar, her most fertile day on her cycle, circled in big black marker. AJ had started to worry that this was going to be less like at torrid night of passion, and more like dropping a cheque off at the bank, but with more grunting.

However, his fears were soon to be put to rest. He arrived at her, rather large, home, dead on time. He wasn't sure what to wear, so had opted for a pair of smart black trousers and a dark blue shirt. He had brought a bottle of champagne, he wasn't sure why, but he couldn't find any flowers near where he lived.

He rang the doorbell and rocked back on his heels. He didn't have to wait for long; Lacey flung open the door like a tornado, her eyes ablaze with excitement. She was made up to the nines, ruby red lipstick, Smokey eyeshadow, eyeliner, blush, and it all blended beautifully together. She looked even more like a movie star than usual. Her outfit was much simpler, but no less enticing. She wore a long, dark red silk robe, tied loosely at her waist.

She did that adorable giggle-snort again as AJ scrambled to pick his jaw up off the floor. 'You look like you're on a first date.' she said, looking him over.

'We're skipping straight to third lover boy.' She took his hand and pulled him inside, the door swinging closed behind them.

Her home was very beautiful, spacious, warm, tastefully decorated, framed art on the walls and a fashionably distressed leather sofa in the middle of it all. She led him into the kitchenette, copper pans hanging from the ceiling and sat him down at the cosy dinner table.

She busied herself around him, and AJ watched quietly, the bottle still in his hands. She plucked it from him, considered it, nodded approvingly, and placed it in the fridge. 'To celebrate afterwards.' She said softly, and curled her fingers through his hair, 'first, we need you relaxed.'

They ate together, and it really did feel like a date. Lacey mentioned nothing about what they both knew was happening that night, instead they talked about work, dreams, and hobbies, all of the usual filler material. It was nice, she had quiet, unchallenging jazz playing from somewhere, and her cooking, sirloin steak, was excellent.

He had almost forgotten what tonight was all about, his mind occupied by the sight of her wide hips, hugged in shining silk as she washed up. He was quickly reminded however, when she looked over to him, eyes half lidded. 'Shall we take this to the bedroom?' Her voice was like warm honey in his ear, and he felt his chest and cheeks flush with excitement.

He followed her in a daze, the subtle scent of her perfume luring him like a siren song.

Her bedroom looked like a movie set. She had a Queen sized bed with red satin sheets, clearly something of a theme in her life, a large vanity mirror and ornate wardrobe. She gently pressed a finger to AJ's chest, going up on her tiptoes to make her lips hover a half inch over his own.

'I'm going to get ready, when I'm out; I want to see all of this.' She gestured to his carefully selected outfit, 'Off.'

She cupped his cheek, kissed it, leaving a bright lipstick stain, and sauntered off into the attached bathroom, hips swaying.

AJ was quick to obey. He stripped out of his clothes, and sat back on the bed, catching sight of his improved physique in the vanity mirror. Who'd have thought conception would give him abs? He had started to beg the butterflies fluttering desperately in his stomach to disperse, when the door swung open, and he felt his breath pulled from his body.

Lacey leaned against the doorframe, and was dressed in lingerie the same attention grabbing shade as her lipstick. She wore a complete set; lace bra, garter belt with sheer stockings and panties. It all looked very expensive and heart-stopping-ly arousing. It all served to frame and draw attention to her wonderful curves. This was the first time he'd seen this much of her figure, from her thick thighs, to how her breasts rose and fell as she breathed, drinking him in with those paralysing eyes. She approached the bed, and crawled over him, more a lioness than a woman in her movements,

'I've waited so long for this.' She sighed, and caught AJ's mouth with her own before he could reply. He felt her force her tongue between his lips and met it with his own, wrapping his arms around her to pull her weight onto him. She hummed approvingly, as he hands roved down her body to grab her ass, feeling his finger sink into the skin. His cock throbbed underneath his boxers, as she started to roll her hips, whimpering into the kiss, their chins wet and shining in the low light.

She drew back, and there was a dull thud behind her of her heels hitting the floor. She hummed and looked down at his bulging cock, pre-cum staining the dark fabric of his boxers.

'Poor thing.' She murmured, 'Let me give it some attention.' She stood off the bed, and turned around, bending over to peel off her underwear in an unbearably slow motion, taking an extra, agonising second to reattach her garter belt to her sheer tights.

The sight of her exposed rear made him growl unconsciously, and she turned, one eyebrow quirked, stepping forward again. 'Well that was an interesting noise.' She murmured approvingly, and began to peel off his boxers. 'Now let's see what we're-' her words were cut off, as his turgid, oozing cock slapped her in the face.

AJ cringed, 'Sorry, I-'

'No, no.' She gently wrapped a hand around his thick shaft, eyes wide with adoration, 'It's beautiful.' She dropped her mouth to his heavy, swollen balls and kissed them softly, leaving a bright lipstick mark right in the middle. She spat on the cock and began to stroke it slowly, taking one of his balls into her mouth and swirling it over with her tongue. She groaned with the pure indecency of the situation, her eyes fluttering closed as hot blood rushed through her, making her heavy chest flush red. She could feel her large, soft lips tingling, and drew back to suckle on the opposite ball.

AJ was already squirming, his cock pulsed and drooled pre-cum, as Lacey's experienced fingers teased and milked his shaft. He looked down at her, this beautiful, classy woman, worshipping his balls, and felt his heart skip a beat. She drew back, gasping for air, grinning contentedly.

Her strokes, mixed with her spit and pre-cum made slick noises as she pumped, slapping his cock against her lips. One of her hands had vanished between her thighs as she serviced him. She planted a big, wet kiss on the cock, leaving another lipstick stain on the shaft. Gazing up at him with those big, beautiful eyes, she opened her mouth wide, and swallowed the first few inches of his cock.

Pre-cum spurted into her mouth as AJ writhed, gripping the sheets under him, the room filling with the muffled moans of Lacey and the smell of her arousal. She lathered his cock with her tongue, drool running down the length and onto his sack. She bobbed her head up and down, coughing whenever the cock pressed the back of her throat, but never letting go. She stroked the shaft that she couldn't fit in her mouth, still playing with herself as she squatted on her expensive, carpeted floor. She dropped her head a little more, and then again, moving her hand away to squeeze his balls, until her nose pressed against his pubes. AJ felt like he was about to pass out, as Lacey opened her eyes, and flashed him a wink. She drew back slowly, long lines of spit joining his cock with her mouth.

'Wow.' She breathed, her lipstick smeared, watering eyes making her makeup run. 'Lost myself for a moment there.' she licked her lips clean, as AJ's cock throbbed desperately.

'Now, now.' She prodded the shaft gently, 'we don't want to get too excited.'

She crawled over him once again, reaching between her legs to hold his cock up. 'First, we need to-Oop!' she squeaked in surprise as she was suddenly thrown onto her back. She bounced on her plush bed, her gartered legs landing open as AJ slipped between them, holding her thighs open.

'Now, darling, you really don't need to-' her words were cut off as they dissolved into a pleased moan. AJ's tongue dragged slowly over her folds, and her red lips pursed as pleasure shot through her. She grabbed one of her breasts over her bra, the other holding the back of the boy's head, 'Oh good boy.' she groaned, hips rising from the bed as he kissed her clit, 'Very good...'

She gave his hair a playful tug, drawing another enticing growl from her breeder. The noise made her bite her bottom lip, and she squeezed the sides of his head with her thick, pale thighs. She whined and writhed under his ministrations, her clit covered in countless wet kisses. AJ felt her wetness run down his chin as her excitement grew.

'AJ, I-'She managed to squeak out, before her ankles locked behind his head, and face as close as it could go. He kept kissing, and soon she felt lightning shoot up her spine and her muscles seized. She held her back like a bow for a moment before collapsing back on the bed, chest heaving with deep breaths, eyes wide and gazing at her far wall, where a framed vintage movie poster hung proudly.

'Wow.' She breathed, running a hand through her hair to try and gather her senses, 'That was... Very impressive.' She propped herself up on her elbows, already looking thoroughly ravished. 'I wonder what else you can do.'

AJ swallowed as he suddenly felt like he was being weighed up. She grinned wickedly, and rolled onto her front. She grabbed his shoulders and threw him down to the bed, pillows softening his fall, her red nails squeezing his muscular shoulders. She pressed her wet pussy down onto his thick shaft, slowly rolling her hips, grinding against him, the sound of her wetness emanating from between their legs. 'It's so big.' She groaned, sitting up to remove her bra in one easy motion. Her heavy breasts spilled out, pale with large areolas and thick, rosy nipples. AJ's mouth gapes, and Lacey rolled her eyes, smothering a smirk. 'Yes.' She said, answering his unspoken question. She took his wrists and pressed them to her soft breasts, 'You can touch them.'

He nodded and happily obliged, squeezing her heavy breasts clumsily. It was endearing, in a way, but she gasped as his roving fingers found her sensitive nipples. She hummed and licked her lips, still happily rocking away, bumping her clit against his swollen shaft, her puffy pussy lips kissing it. While he was preoccupied, she lifted her hips, angled his cock, and sat back on it. Her tight pussy squeezed and hugged his thick, long shaft, and it hilted inside her, AJ watched her face melt into a look of perfect contentment. She had a big, dopey smile on her face. 'I love this bit.' She breathed, shuddering, causing very pleasant waves to roll up his cock and between his legs.

She watched him gasp, and felt his cock throb inside her. She giggled, 'I could just milk you like this, couldn't I?' She started to rock her hips back and forth, and gave them a teasing shake, feeling his cock twitch desperately, 'Shoot your load into me, get what I want.'

She leaned down, and AJ's nose was suddenly assaulted by the smell of her perfume. She kissed his forehead tenderly, before sitting back up, 'But I won't.' She nodded down to his hands, still teasing and tugging at her nipples. 'Better hold on.'

Bracing her feet on the bed, Lacey began to bounce on AJ's eager cock, her flat stomach clearly wasn't just for show, because she made the movement look effortless.

'Look.' She gasped, blush rising to her face again, her words spilling out between gasps and moans, 'It's so deep.' She plunged herself back down onto his shaft and groaned in delight, eyes closed. AJ lifted his hips impatiently, and she giggled, stroking his chest in apology, and resumed her measured, steady pace.

AJ began to lift his hips in time to meet her own, driving his cock harder into her on each bounce. The room echoed with the sound of their skin slapping together, her wetness amplifying the noise. The sound made Lacey's heart beat faster. 'Take me.' She breathed to her lover, 'I'm a big girl. I can take it. Just make sure to cum inside me, I don't want to spill a single drop.'

Lacey felt the balance suddenly shift as she was pushed backwards onto the bed. Her hair splayed out underneath her like a halo, and she looked between her legs to see her thighs had been pushed right back. Her weekly yoga class had paid off, as her ankles were nearly behind her head. She stared in adoration at AJ's cock, buried deep inside her.

'Fuck me.' She begged, 'Cum inside me. Please.' She draped her arms around AJ's neck, and he started to move. There was no romance in his motions, this was pure, unadulterated lust. He pounded into her, his eyes dark, driven, predatorial. His hands pinned her shoulders down to the bed as she took his cock deep inside her, squealing and moaning, 'Yes, yes, yes!' She gasped out, the sounds of sex were even louder now, 'Harder! Fuck me harder!'

She pulled him close, into a deep, sloppy kiss, forcing her tongue inside his mouth as she felt him start to groan and quake inside her. She broke the kiss and pressed her smeared lips to his ear.

'It's okay.' She purred. 'Cum inside me. Mark me. Breed me.'

She whimpered out his name, his heavy balls, desperate for release, slapping against her full ass.

'Do it, knock me up!'

She didn't have to ask again.

AJ's aching, engorged cock throbbed, and pulsed violently inside her, as hot, fertile cum, poured out in thick ropes. She felt it twitching, and it made her eyes roll back. She pushed her legs forward to latch her ankles around AJ's ass, keeping him deep inside her as he came. She moaned as AJ gasped for breath, stars flashing in front of his eyes as he climaxed.

Eventually his climax passed, and he collapsed down on top of Lacey, who cooed gently and stroked his back. 'Good boy.' She said, keeping him trapped inside of her, 'Just stay like this a little while, hm? You rest. You've done a wonderful job.' She pet his head softly, as the bliss of orgasm, washed over him.

Not much else was said that night. They had sex again, just before bed, then showered together. AJ woke to find her cooking for him, a large breakfast. There was no awkwardness in her baring, she practically skipped around him, and looked well rested and content. Before he left, she presented him with a present "for all the trouble", a brand new, and very high end watch. He left, and with a kiss on the cheek, and a kind thank you, the door closed, leaving only his new timepiece, and the smell of her perfume to remember her by.

He had no idea if it had worked. He often checked the classfieds to see if she had posted again, looking for another try, but nothing ever came up. The memory of that night often appeared in his fantasies, but soon, even the edges of his most passionate sexual experience began to fade.

The memories were brought back roughly a year later, when he received a text, a photo message from an unknown number. He opened it up, and saw a photo of Lacey. She was sat on her sofa, and in her arms, a baby swaddled in blankets, it's little pink face smiling up at her. She looked older, in need of a long night's sleep, and very, very happy.