Summary: Maybe Teysa should have read her volunteering contract a bit more thoroughly...though perhaps its a good thing that she just skimmed it!
Author's Note -- I just want to say, thank everyone for the kind emails! If you have any suggestions, critiques, concerns, or comments, I'd absolutely love feedback; I'm very happy to be giving back to this nice site. I'd also like to recognize the two stories that gave me inspiration for this story; "The Best Policy" and "Bunny Tales"; both authors are wonderfully skilled, and you'd be doing yourself a favor reading their stories. Hope you enjoy my little experiment, and thanks for giving me a try!
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"Alright class, settle down, settle down; put your wands away and take your seats! Let's start this semester off on a good note, shall we?"
"There, that's better. I'm Jaya Ballard, and I'll be your professor for Advanced Transmogrification 3401. Since you're all taking this class, I assume that you're all familiar with the basics of the subject. Still, a quick little refresher couldn't hurt, and it'll warm us up for the little surprise I have for today."
"So....transmogrification! What is it exactly? Ah, yes, you, the young lady in the back....? Very good, that's right; the act of modifying an individual's mind and body with magic. Now, it takes a lot of skill and energy to transmogrify someone, and it can be dangerous if you're not trained. Still, if you're all intent on becoming law enforcement officers, and I can see that nearly all of you are, the ability to transmogrify a dangerous opponent can be an extremely vital one. For example, how is a bank robber going to shoot at you if he has paws? Or how is a violent robber going to stab you when she's held to the ground by her massive breasts?"
"At this point I'd like to remind everyone that this is an adult class."
"Now, those situations I described may seem ludicrous, but nonviolent magic is always, always the best way to handle a situation. Transmogrification is painless, reversible, and....well, simply put, it has a much more satisfying effect on a resistant criminal. And remember, your goal as officers of the law is rehabilitation! Which, actually, is a great segue to my next section. Eli, would you mind bringing her in?"
"Get your fucking hands off me, you creepy prick!"
"Thank you, Eli, that will be all. Class, I'd like to introduce miss Teysa Renard. In lieu of jail time for a minor violent incident, she'll be spending the semester assisting us as a volunteer! I'm sure you'll all be very familiar by your final exams, so why don't you give her a warm welco-"
"Hey, wait a minute! What the hell is all this? I didn't think I was signed on for some class for weirdos; why is everyone dressed up like Halloween?!"
"Miss Renard, you did read the fine print on the forms you signed, did you not?"
"I...umm...skimmed them, sorta..."
"I see...well, in any case, just sit quietly and you'll be educated soon enough; vulgar language has no place in my classroom."
"Don't talk to me like that, you stuck up bitch! I'm not one of your students, so you can't do shmmmmmmmppppph!!! MMM?!?"
"I wouldn't be so sure of that, Miss Renard. Now, class, what I did there was a very simple but effective lip binding spell; you can find instructions for it in your textbooks, page 45. All I did was place a small charm over her brain; she's trying to talk, but can't quite remember how to open her mouth!"
"MMMMFFFFFFFF!!!"
"A very handy spell when dealing with rude or vulgar individuals. Still, not particularly interesting besides that; let's try out some more effective spell, shall we?"
"....alright, that should do it. Miss Renard, how do you feel?"
"Well, gosh, sweetie, Teysa feels really...h-huh? What the goodness did you do Teysa?! Why is Teysa talking like this, cutie?!"
"There we go, much better! Class, what I performed there was a classic Bimbofication hex; I just remapped her brain a tad, and you can see that she's getting some mixed signals. A very useful spell, since it allows for easier future mapping in terms of personality altercations. For more info on these, read the article by Professor Wynd on page 96."
"Golly, Professor Ballard, Teysa sure doesn't like that magicy stuff, honey bunch!"
"Well, that's too bad, Teysa; think of it as a little lesson; you'll have to be better behaved in the future, won't you?"
"You big huge cutie pie! Teysa, like, just wants to give you lotsa snuggles!"
"What you can't see, class, is that Teysa is trying her darnedest to swear herself silly at me. Too bad that cute bimbos, like her, can only speak the sweetest little things. Still, maybe it's time to give her some improvements..."
"H-hey, what are you, like, doing sugarcakes? And why do Teysa's lips feew aww...thiwy...?"
"And there you are, students! With a small enchantment, Teysa's lips are now full, luscious pillows. Not only are those huge things a huge burden on her wickedly sweet tongue, they're incredibly sensitive to the touch. Even the slightest little touch can drive her wild...I hope you're not a messy eater, Teysa, because...well, you might make it a bit messier."
"Now, I'm sure some of you might question the value of a spell like this. Well, there are a number of good reasons; to start with, you ha-"
"Th-thut up, you weird pwofethor perthun! You gave Teytha a thupid withp!"
