Chrimson Night Ch 07

Chapter 7 - Gave up who I am for who you wanted me to be

Liz was more than willing to come to town immediately to help support Sarah and Paige. Immediately supportive of any effort Sarah might make to right some of the wrongs of her life.

Gwen left first thing the following morning without saying much. Paige suspected she knew her presence would just lead to trouble. She regretted not being able to get to know the woman, but agreed it was probably better she not be around.

Sarah makes good on her promises, and checks herself into a 90 day program. Liz and Paige make the drive with her to drop her off. There's a solemn tension in the car as they say their farewells, hopeful that Sarah is able to make it through and come out better for it.

Tamara wanted nothing to do with it. Refusing to see Sarah off. Tam was willing to help Liz and Paige with the clean up of Sarah's home while she was away, but didn't want to see Sarah again. The three of them work away, cleaning up the mess left from that awful night. Their other main task is to do a careful sweep of the house and collect all the liquor bottles stashed and hidden. They collect boxes of bottles of various sizes and degrees of fullness. They end up being stashed everywhere. Cabinets, closets, drawers, in the god damn couch cushions, even in the tank of the toilet. It seemed like they couldn't go more than a few minutes without finding some new stash. Paige is ashamed she didn't see this, didn't recognize the seriousness of it sooner.

"How do you keep someone like Sarah from doing whatever she wants? She has the money, the influence, we cant really stop her if she wants to go out and replace all of this," Paige says. She looks at a dusty bottle she found hidden behind a shelf. Who knows how long that had been back there. She wonders if Sarah even knew it was there, or if she had lost it like a squirrel losing it's winter stash.

"You cant really," Liz says with a sigh. "Not entirely at least. That's why I never tried. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Sarah finally deciding for herself," she continues. She sits down on the couch wiping the sweat from her brow.

"All we can really do is be there for her. Support her. Do what we can to help her want to be better," Liz concludes.

The cleanup eventually leads them to the studio room. The room quiet, almost alien feeling.

"This feels like a museum," Tamara says, running her hand over one of the well worn guitars.

"It's a shame you didn't get to hear them play together," Paige says sadly. Reflecting on the night Sarah and Liz played for her, when Sarah sang for her. It was one of the more foundational moments for the whole relationship. Turning to Liz she asks, "Maybe you could sing for us?"

Liz agrees, and initially begins to sing Ashes of yesterday. The same song she sang for Paige before. Part way through however, she falters. Her voice trails off. After a few moments she resumes singing, but a different song. Liz sings a heart breaking rendition of The Chain, by Fleetwood Mac.

"... damn your love, damn your lies

And if you don't love me now, you will never love me again..."

The hurt and sorrow bring Paige to tears. She hadn't considered that as wild as the last few months had been for her, it was the closing of a chapter for Liz. The three of them sit in silence long after the song is over.

"I think we've cleaned up enough for today. How do you guys feel about heading back to my place, and having a relaxing time in the sauna?" Paige asks. Knowing it likely won't involve much relaxing.

Paige was right. Clothing began to come off as soon as they walked in the door. Quickly she finds herself in the sauna sandwiched between Liz and Tam, dividing her attention between them.

Paige buries her face in Liz's breasts, tenderly teasing and sucking her nipples. She parts her legs when she Tam's hands roaming her thighs. With a moan she turns her attention to Tam, feeling her fingers sliding inside her. She brings her lips to Tam's, shaking and tensing as the combined attention of the two women quickly bring her to orgasm. A desperately needed orgasm after the events of the last few days.

As her climax fades, it takes what was left of her energy with it. Paige leans back, resting her head against the wall. Feeling guilty for being a selfish lover, but not having the energy left to reciprocate.

In an unexpected move however, Tam slides over her. Squirming her way between her and Liz. Paige watches with a naughty thrill as they wrap their arms around each other. Their hands exploring every inch of each others bodies. Tam fingers Liz with one hand, the other gently massaging a breast. Tamara grows bold, removing her finger from Liz's warm, wet slit, and sliding it into her ass instead. The move eliciting a yelp of surprise at first, but quickly turning into a fierce hunger as Liz responds.

By the time they're done in the sauna, Paige isn't surprised that Tamara and Liz go off to bed together. She can hear them continuing their fun into the night. Part of her a bit jealous that she isn't part of it, but most of her just too spent for any more tonight. As sleep settles over her it occurs to her that this is the first time she's seen Tamara smile since that night with Gwen.

When they return to Sarah's house the next day they continue with the cleanup, finding themselves drawn back to the studio for a break after cleaning all morning.

"Do you play any instruments Tam?" Liz asks, seeing her looking around the room.

"Not really. Nothing like this, nothing like you'd play," Tam stammers, her face blushing.

"Oh come on, what does that mean?" Liz presses.

"My parents made me take piano lessons," Tam explains. She keeps her eyes on the ground. Reluctant to elaborate any further.

"Well, I think you have to play for us now," Liz teases, plugging in one of Sarah's keyboards. Paige joins in, adding to the pressure.

After a bit of hesitation, Tam begins to play. Quietly at first, rigid, but quickly gaining in confidence and speed. She plays parts of Chopin's Nocturne, and then Fantaisie-Impromptu. Paige wishes she was anything like as skilled as Tam is.

"That was incredible," Liz says when the performance is done.

"It's not the kind of music you play though. When have you heard someone playing piano in rock music?" Tam asks as she takes her seat again. Liz looks from Tam to Paige, her mouth open in shock.

"She's a baby Paige, a baby!" Liz exlaims, trying hard not to laugh.

"Ian Stanley, Jan Hammer, Herbie Hancock? There's so many incredible people who played keys in really popular music," Liz says with a laugh, no longer able to hold it in. "You ever hear of Ray Manzarek? He started The Doors with Jim Morrison. He was incredible."

"He'd play a Rhodes Bass with his left hand and Vox Continental organ with his right," Liz explains. "They wouldn't have a bass player at all usually when they played live, or when they were writing. Supposedly when they went to record Peace Frog, the bass line was so difficult that the very talented professional they hired struggled with it."

Liz and Tam continue to bond over music during the rest of their time together over the 3 months Sarah is away. Each managing to bring the other more out of their shell. It makes Paige so happy to see them smiling and geeking out over music. Tam getting a grand tour of legendary synth songs. Paige has a hard time getting Crockett's Theme from Miami Vice out of her head by the end of it.

At the end of her program, Sarah returns home as scheduled. When she gets home, she isn't quite the same anymore. She's still the Sarah Paige fell in love with, but she's gentler. She isn't dominant the way she was before. It's a softer, gentler Sarah. The Sarah Paige fell for so hard that first day in the sauna.

One of the first things she does is gather Paige, Tam, and Liz in the living room to talk to them.

"I just needed to tell you all I'm feeling so much better. I can think clearly for the first time in... god I don't even know how long anymore," Sarah says softly. Slowly she looks each of them before continuing, her voice strained.

"It feels like a fog has been lifted. Now it's easy to see all the ways I've hurt each of you. I've been terrible," Sarah continues. She tumbles the ring on her necklace back and forth in her hands. "It's not because of my childhood, or the alcohol, or stress, or anything else. It's not an excuse, it's who I am. Who I was."

Sarah takes a deep breath, her words faltering momentarily as tries to keep down a sob.

"It's still a long road in front of me. I'm back but I'll be going to regular therapy. I don't expect you to be able to forgive the things I've done, I've done awful things. But I wanted you all to know I want to be better," Sarah finishes.

Paige gives her a tender kiss. Taking her hands in hers as she sits down next to her.

But Tamara wants nothing to do with it. She stands up, leaves, and doesn't say a word to Sarah.

"I deserve that," Sarah says with a sigh. "I deserve so much worse."

Tamara stays at Paige's house, her brighter mood from the cleaning sessions gone again. A few days later when Liz heads home, Tamara goes with her. Some relationships just can't be repaired.

"I just... need a fresh start Paige," Tamara says sadly. "Stay in touch though. It's Sarah, not you."

In the following days Sarah is somber, much more restrained. She isn't the wild woman Paige had gotten to know. But the core was still there. The love. So Paige isn't surprised when it happens. One night as they lay in each others arms in the sauna. Minds drifting in a post orgasmic haze, things just click. Paige couldn't ever put her finger on quite what it was that caused it. Something in that moment that lead her to lose any doubts she had about the relationship. She didn't know quite when she would do it, but she knew right then that eventually she would ask Sarah to marry her.

It's been 5 years since Paige decided she would marry Sarah. In a lot of ways Paige feels her life has finally reached the stability she always wanted. She streams regularly again, but like so many things in her life now it's become intertwined with Sarah. Paige still does the game streams, but now Sarah is a regular guest. They do music streams as well now. Sometimes they play, and produce music live. Sometimes Sarah does lessons. Paige still feels this giddy schoolgirl attraction to Sarah when she watches her get really into a lesson on music theory. When you think of rock stars you rarely think of them as nerdy, but it's hard to think of anything else listening to her. The way she eagerly explains counting a 12/8 time signature as alternating bars of 5/8 and 7/8.

More than just the nerdiness, Sarah seems so happy. Which makes Paige so happy. It melts her heart in some way seeing the genuine, lasting joy Sarah is able to find now.

Paige told her parents about Sarah not long after she decided to propose. She left out a lot of the story, but it was still a tough conversation to have. She worried how it would go after hearing Tamara's story. It ended up being nothing. There wasn't any drama, not even many questions. Even the age difference didn't seem to matter much to her parents. They just seemed happy their daughter was happy. Paige couldn't help but feel a little guilty about it, in light of Tamara's experience.

One spring night after a long day at work, Paige grabs the mail on the way in. It's mostly junk, but one envelope catches her eye. It's a card addressed to her and Sarah, from Liz and Tam. Quickly she tears into it, already suspecting what it is. She's right, inside is a wedding invitation.

When Paige goes to tell Sarah she finds her in the bathroom. Paige tells Sarah about the invitation, while slowly sneaking into a position where she can peep through the gap in the door. She watches through the reflection on the mirror as they talk and make tentative plans to attend the wedding. Paige can't help but smile when Sarah meets her eyes in the mirror and blows her a kiss. As much as things change, some things feel more set in stone, meant to be. Sarah knew Paige was there all along after all.

Visions of a beautiful wedding in her head, Paige heads down the hall to the bedroom. She opens the closet and digs around trying to come up with ideas for what to wear. She'd need more than one outfit. One for the wedding for sure, but there would be other associated events as well. As she digs in the closet she uncovers the case Liz gave her. With a heavy heart she opens it, letting her finger trace the name engraved on the bullet. Sarah. But not her Sarah. Not anymore. This was meant for a Sarah that doesn't exist anymore as far as Paige is concerned.

Paige considers getting rid of the gun. She didn't hate the idea of having one in general, but this one had so many bad memories tied up in it. Hearing Sarah's footsteps in the hall she quickly shoves the gun back in the closet. Shoving the awful memories away with it. With a smile she takes Sarah's offered hand, ready to head out on another adventure with her beautiful wife. The red headed rock queen, Lady Crimson herself. Her Sarah, the love of her life.