If you want to get more interested in the day to day actions of your penis than you have been since being a teenager, I strongly recommend having your wife's friend lock up your cock like mine did. At first I kept track of how often I was getting hard, filling up the metal tube, and painfully bulging. It was every few hours, but obviously worse when I thought about sex or saw something sexual, or saw something that might have been sexual, etc. After two days I realized I had to just stop thinking about it, and things were more manageable when I threw myself into my projects.
That's why I was at the home improvement store, comfortably soft, thinking hard about why the bedroom light fixture wasn't working out. I'd already returned the old one, and I was wandering over to the lighting aisle when I saw him. Dave was a generic guy in shades and a ballcap, but I immediately put it together: Ofélia's ex, of course.
I'll admit I started to get a little hard thinking about the fact that this man's ex-wife was currently controlling my access to my own dick. I just had time to realize I had never quite figured out if the divorce had been finalized when I realized I had to think deeply about light fixtures urgently. And he did, actually, see me first.
"Hey hey Jim," he said.
"How's it going?" I said, trying not to land too heavily on the words. If he didn't want to talk about it, great.
"Oh jeez," he said. He gestured at his shopping cart. "Setting up my place... haven't done that in a while."
"Are those bolt cutters?"
Dave pushed his shades up on his cap and put his hand on his hip, rubbing the bridge of his nose with the other hand. "Yeah you won't believe this, but my new apartment has a padlock over the... under the sink. Under the sink! You can't even get in there except sideways through the other cabinet."
Curiosity was getting the better of me as I peered into the cart. He also had a cordless mini cutter. I was trying not to think about the obvious. That could not possibly be how this works.
"What about you?" he asked.
"Oh yeah, I'm trying to set up a light. Can't get it to work."
"Tell me about it. By the way don't bother suggesting that I just remove the doors to the cabinet, I already thought of that but they're on the inside."
"Wouldn't dream of it," I chuckled. "It's always some damn thing, right?"
"Yeah," Dave said a little sadly.
I wouldn't say we got along well, but I had to admit we'd had some decent chats at parties. And maybe I felt a little bad about the fact that, again, his current ex was actually playing a role in my (lack of) sex life. Gentle femdom, I reminded myself, feeling the appendage stir in my pants.
"Hey man," I said, "do you want to grab the absolute shittiest hamburger in the universe?"
A few minutes later we were sitting at the counter eating cardboard doused in artificial smoke. The buns were okay but how badly can you mess up a bun.
"I don't even know why they sell food at Home Mart," I mused. "And all they have is candy, jerky, and this is somehow the best stuff."
"It's for guys on the run," said Dave, around a few fries. "Contractors, you know."
"Captive audience," I said.
"So are we gonna talk about the elephant in the room?" said Dave.
My cock jolted again. Fuck, did he somehow know? Was Ofélia that twisted? Imagining exes meeting up to talk things over, her saying "by the way I've already locked a new cock".
"Ofélia?" I said. "And Nora?" "Yeah," Dave put some more shitty fries in his mouth. "We're trying not to divvy up friends or make more drama about it, you know? Trying to work it out between the two of us. How is the ketchup shittier than regular ketchup?"
"Hey I know. It sounds rough as hell. I don't really know any details, Nora doesn't tell me much."
"Not much to say," Dave shrugged. "I work from home, she's never home, we didn't see eye to eye, and finally I did something really stupid. In my defence though, part of that was just boredom."
"I'm going to be honest, I always found Ofélia really, really boring."
"Well yeah!" he chuckled. "I dunno, that job just doesn't leave room for much else."
I didn't know what to say. I did, however, know what not to say, so I just stayed quiet.
"Plus she was always into weird sex stuff," Dave added, taking a bite of barely-edible burger.
"Wh--what?" I said. I could feel a little blush rising.
"Oh yeah," Dave said, waving the burger to signify not giving a damn. "You ever heard of cuckqueaning?"
"Cuckqueaning?" I repeated.
"Yeah, it's spelled like--well anyway, never mind. It's where the guy fucks around and the woman finds it hot. Or maybe that's the stag vixen thing? I dunno, anyway, she liked the idea of me having sex with other women and telling her about it later."
I was fighting to maintain a straight face.
"I know right, boo hoo, that's every man's dream, right? I mean it's a great idea and it always works out really well in porn, but man alive, it's a whole other thing when you're really trying to get it to happen."
"So, uh, what did she like about it?"
Another burger wave. "Ah, she just liked that she was giving permission, you know? I mean she's so busy I think she liked the idea that she was kind of directing it anyway."
"Did she..." I felt a little faint, and I was pushing the edges of the metal chastity tube, "Did she want to find women for you?"
Dave gave me a look. "Look I'm not gossiping here, just blowing off some steam. The point is it was too much for me. Like all her sex ideas were ways to have sex happen without her having to be there."
"Like--"
"Like a vibrating egg in my ass controlled by her phone," said Dave.
I couldn't help but glance around at the food court. There was nobody.
"Jesus," I said.
Dave shrugged. "Now I like having my ass played with, like any right-thinking man, but having a vibe stuffed up there all day? I mean... man, I work from home, at some point that's not all that taboo." He shrugged again.
"Was there other stuff?"
