Obeying nasty Hairy Harry
"Shit...of all times for the damn kitchen sink to get backed up," she shouted out loud. She had to get to work. It was Friday and the end of the month reports had to be turned in, or her ass was grass. She quickly called a few plumbing companies, but none of them could by before the middle of next week. That just wouldn't do, as the garbage in her sink was already starting to reek horribly.
One of the companies was kind enough to give her a phone number for a small independent plumber who might be able to help her out. When the man answered his phone after eight rings, with a harsh, "Yeah." His voice sounded old, was gravelly and panting heavily. Apparently he had been working hard at something and she hoped that he wasn't going to be tied up all day. She quickly explained her dilemma, and told him the general area in which she lived.
He responded gruffly saying, "Well, here's the way it is. I'm in the middle of a big fucking job right now and I ain't going to be though until late this afternoon. Where you live is way the fuck on the other side of town, so I'm going to have to drive through Friday rush hour traffic just to get there. I might make it by four O'clock, but it could as late as seven. If that's OK, say so now, otherwise you can call somebody else."
His harshness and foul language was rather off putting for her, but she knew that she'd never find anyone else now, so she agreed. It didn't really matter if he was crude. He just needed to be a good plumber.
He coughed, cleared his raspy throat and said, "Oh and one more thing bitch, I'll want a cold beer waiting for me when I get there."
Her feminist instincts kicked in immediately, as she shot back, "I beg your pardon; did you just call me a bitch? Furthermore, I have no intention of helping you to get drunk before you work for me. I simply can not believe..."
He cut her off, "Hey what the fuck is it with you bitches. Do you want me to fix your fucking sink or not. Look lady, I'm hot, dirty and still have a lot to do here, before I even think about getting over to your place. I ain't in no mood to take any shit from the likes of you, so quit being a fucking cunt. I might be foul mouthed and a damn chauvinist, but my prices are fair and I'll do a good job. I take pride in my work, even as nasty as the job is. The reason I work alone is because I don't have to take shit from anybody.
"Now if you still want me to help you out before the weekend, there's three things you've gotta say to me. First thing is, 'Please come all the way over to my fucking house and help me out of this bad fucking situation'. Second thing is, 'I'll have a fucking ice cold beer waiting for you'. And the third thing is, 'You can call me a fucking bitch or a fucking cunt, as long as you fix my fucking sink'. If you don't say those three things word for fucking word, I ain't coming."
For a few brief moments she sat there in shock, at hearing the ridiculous demand he had made of her. Her first words to him were, "You've got some nerve. I'm certainly not going to say any such thing. Furthermore, I am going to report you to the Better Business Bureau."
Instead of the apologetic reaction, which she had hoped for, all she heard was his laughter. As his chiding guffaws faded away, he told her, "Listen bitch, you obviously haven't called the BBB, because if you had, you'd know that I have a string of complaints against me for bad temper and bad language. But you won't find one damn complaint about my work. So before I leave you high and dry, to deal with your problem, I'll give you one more fucking chance. Either you say those three little phrases, or I'm hanging up on you, cunt."
Again he had shocked her, with his vile cursing and arrogant attitude. He really didn't care. She struggled with the idea of an appropriate come back, but she was so stymied by his confident air that she was left bereft of anything clever to say. As the seconds quickly ticked away, she knew that he would do as he said and she'd be stuck all weekend, with the wretched smell of the decaying mess in her sink.
Before she could calm herself enough to say anything, he shouted, "Good by you fucking piece of shit!"
In a panic she screamed back, "No, no, no, please don't go. I need this taken care of."
There was silence on the line, and after ten seconds, she thought he had disconnected. Finally, just to assure her self that he was no longer there, she asked, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yeah, I'm still here bitch. I'm patiently fucking waiting for you to say what I told you to fucking say."
She was both relieved and frustrated. He was still there and would come to unclog her sink, but his attitude hadn't changed, so the only way to appease him would be to tell him what he wanted to hear.
In a very hostile tone she repeated roughly what he had requested, including insertion of the word 'Fucking', at the designated locations. She rarely cursed, and never used such filthy terms when she did, but in her anger, it didn't bother her at all.
Again there was silence on the line. Now it was she who waited for a response. Finally, in a slightly more civil voice, he said, "That's better. See, if you'd just been a little quicker about it, we could have avoided this unpleasantness. I'll try to get there by four O'clock. And just because I made nice, doesn't mean I'm not going to call you a cunt to your face, so get used to it.
"Now, how about giving me a fucking clue what your name and address is, so I don't have drive all around your fucking neighborhood screaming for you to come out and make yourself known to me."
"She tried not to laugh at his comment, and did manage to stifle a chuckle. "My name is Cathy, with a 'C', Cummings."
He cut her off with his burst of laughing. "Oh this is just too good to be true. Are you fucking putting me on? Cathy with a 'C', like in cunt, and then Cummings, for Christ sake. Holy shit, wait till I tell the guys about your name."
She could feel the heat of her anger, as her face flushed, or was it embarrassment. She bit her tongue and went on, "I live at 2549 Piney Grove Rd. Do you think you can find it all right?"