Just so you know, this is completely true. All of it- I shall not exaggerate or embellish. I don't need to, it's my confession and I think a story is rather more compelling if the reader knows that he is eavesdropping on real facts and secrets involving real existent people rather than an imaginary tale or just an exiting fantasy.
It's no less interesting or intriguing than a work of fiction - perhaps more so, but that's for the reader to judge. Indeed it is for the reader to judge whether I'm telling the truth about it all. Actually though -I am.
She's an attractive woman, the sort of woman who attracts on many levels, and she knows it. Well spoken and entertaining is what you'd say - arousing is what you'd think. She knows that and she'd take total control of you with a little subliminal glance. She doesn't need to speak to men to make them do what she wants.
Enough narrative. I'll stick to the facts. When we were first married I thought we were happy. I certainly was but I noticed that men would look at her and I saw those knowing little glances she'd respond with.
She'd often follow up with an altogether different glance at me and a kind of smug smile which I didn't understand but made me feel second rate. She'd In company sometimes this thing of letting her skirt ride up a bit whilst pretending to look at a menu or something then, suddenly turning her head to catch a man staring at her legs. She'd fix her eyes with him and there'd be a palpable excitement in the air for a split second as they exchanged that glance.
She'd flirt with men but not enough to be conclusive and if I mentioned it she'd fly into a rage, making me feel like some kind of jealous obsessive.
During sex she'd say stuff, not exactly insulting, but subtlety demeaning me. For example she'd innocently 'wonder' how big the average penis was or reassure me that I satisfied her sexually even though I didn't ask. When I asked her fantasy she'd say something like 'a really big dick'.
My friends would call round to visit, especially one of them but it never occurred to me that there was anything suspicious there. Somehow though, and I'm SURE she was feeding this, I began to fantasise about the thought of her having affairs and started telling her this while we were having sex. She joined in and that got to be the 'dirty talk' during sex. The clever thing is the way she'd express her disgust about this sort of talk afterwards and say she felt ashamed of herself for humouring my filthy fantasies.
I loved it, but I NEVER thought she'd actually do anything like that, even when I put my fingers inside her sometimes and she seemed somehow enlarged inside, or when I was supposed to be in work one night and my best friend called by at 11pm 'because he was passing'.
I put her on a pedestal I think, a moral and intelligent beauty who would never consider acting out such base urges or had any urges outside our special relationship.
Moving on some years, our mutual fantasies had continued and developed. Kids and real life took its toll on the excitement of the marriage, and we settled into normal life.