Chapter 1
People often remarked that I was quiet. Behind the quiet, I was someone who was shy, naive, often awkward, and introverted.
And perverted.
Ellen was an Irish American girl from my elementary school. She had straight to wavy reddish brown hair, blue eyes, and was average size in a way that she was the median size for the girls in our class.
After 8th grade when we went on to separate high schools, I would call her once or twice each week, and we would always meet and sit together in church on Sundays. I would usually show up alone, as my mom attended an earlier mass, and my dad never went to church at all. Neither did Ellen's dad, but her mom was usually with her. She was a conservative older lady that I felt awkward and shy around. I only spoke to her when spoken to, which with my shyness, would always hope to be as little as possible.
Ellen had an older sister, Marie, who seemed to be warm and friendly all throughout our days in elementary school. I hardly saw her after she graduated and moved on to high school. She would make a shy me feel comfortable whenever she was around. She always seemed to have a smile for me, and I could tell she really liked the fact that this well-mannered blonde haired boy was fancying her younger sister.
During the early 1980's as we were progressing through high school, we started working jobs. While I was working in a local fast food joint, Ellen got a job working in a local department store. Between all the time we spent working, studying, and other things, it seemed we had little time to get together. Eventually once I started to have a little money and a car, I was able to pick her up and take her to the movies, and other dates as time permitted.
Before I knew it, we were both off to our respective colleges. She was going for a law degree, while I was going for a degree in science.
It seemed we were both busy most of the time, between studying and working part-time jobs. And we did have our own sets of friends too. But I made a point to call her once or twice a week, trying not to come off as overbearing. I knew she needed her space, and I tried to be as patient as I could be.
Breaks during and between semesters became the only times I was able to see her, though it seemed limited at that. Our dates consisted of mainly movies, dinners, the occasional party, and sometimes just being together in a park or somewhere.
Our intimacy seemed to be limited to kissing and holding hands, basically. She was very uptight about getting physically involved before graduating college, as I think she was scared of risking pregnancy. I did my best to respect that (especially being in fear of her parents, had I made one wrong aggressive move). I didn't want to do anything to risk losing her, though I knew practically all of my friends were getting laid, and I had been growing increasingly horny for the past few years.
I was the jealous type, who often worried that guys in her college might be hitting on her, or perhaps guys coming into the store where she worked would be flirting with her too. I felt insecure, as I felt like I didn't have all that much to offer, and that some guy could easily come along, and just steal her away. I wanted to believe we were "going steady", but I never felt secure that that was the case, and I had an inkling she would not have characterized our relationship as that. Which just made me feel more insecure.
These feelings resulted in some really neurotic discussions I'd have with her, mostly over the phone, when I couldn't be around her and was paranoid of what might be happening. Though she tried her best to give me reassurance, it wouldn't be enough to quell my anxiety. And I knew it would wear on her from time to time, so I tried to keep it all in check as best as I could.
Chapter 2
Then one summer, after Ellen had just turned 20, she received a verbal invite that really did a number on my anxiety, having known what I knew.
The nuns from our elementary school had invited her to their pool, on the rooftop of their convent.
They had invited Ellen. Not Ellen and me. Not Ellen and her sister. Not Ellen and her mom.
Just Ellen.