Blowing The Ghost Balloon

A soft whoosh sounded behind her. Aurelia jumped, gritting her teeth against the shout that welled in her throat. In the silence, it felt like the winds of a devil, come to sweep all the world away to some eternal abyss. She whirled around, sword held up, to see a solid wall behind her. There was a curtain of raw rock where an archway had been before. She groped at it, cursing in her mind. Stone, more stone.

Her fingers brushed over the crack where the barrier met the rock. It had slid down into place behind her, or slip up, or just materialized out of Cypher's fucking asshole for all she knew anymore. Damn this cursed dungeon and her rotten luck!

And damn that infernal shitwhisper of a phantom!

Aurelia turned away from the blocked archway, trying to get her breathing under control.

Keep going, just keep going

, she told herself. She'd get out of here one way or another. Just had to keep calm, that was all.

One way or another...alive?

Stop it! Just focus.

She advanced a few steps further down the tunnel. It seemed to widen farther down, and her night vision seemed to be picking up some light. She padded down the tunnel, swords at the ready, elven feet silent against the rock.

A dozen yards on, the tunnel

did

open up. Aurelia found herself standing at the entrance of a cavern. The light was dim, even to elf eyes, but she could see the walls were naked rock. Large pillars of limestone dripped from the ceiling to join their partners thrusting up from the floor. There was none of the masonry she'd been walking through earlier. Cypher had lead her down for hours, and now she was underneath the original dungeon.

So much for not splitting the party,

she thought.

She stepped out into the cavern, alert for new tricks from the ghost who'd lured her down here. The cavern was cool, with a soft draft blowing, As she moved further, she could see a large pool of water--a small lake, really--filled most of the cavern. Its irregular shore rippled against the rock. Stalagmites rose broodingly from its surface, and she could hear soft echoes from water droplets falling from the ceiling. The water gave off a faint light, as though lit from within by some old magic. She could barely make out the far side.

The air was damp. She shivered. She'd lost her tunic an hour ago when Cypher had set fire to it "by accident." She'd had to tear it off to avoid getting burned. Now she had nothing to wear over her torso but her invisible chain mail.

(And just who the fuck comes up with invisible chain mail, anyway?)

She was essentially naked, with nothing but the press of the mail on her

extremely

visible breasts to prove she was wearing anything but boots and swordbelt.

This will be fun to explain when I find the others again.

If

she ever found the others...

The air was clear, but there was a musty--almost

animal

--smell underneath. It set her on edge, and her pointed ears strained for hints she wasn't alone. She'd heard tales of caverns like this. Dark pits where blind orcs or giant centipedes slept for centuries, waiting for some traveler to stumble in. Maybe...

She looked up.

Shit! Shit, shit, holy everlasting Sarmon's shitfire, what is

that

?!

She stared upward, heart pounding.

Fuuucccckk!

Was that really a dragon? She blinked her eyes and stared, cold sweat breaking out on her skin.

Yes, it was definitely a dragon. Above her head, the cavern wall opened onto a large, recessed area lost in shadow, a cave extending back into the wall of the cavern and overlooking the lake. There, draped over the edge, was a huge, pointed head. That angular snout and long neck couldn't belong to anything else. Never mind

why

a dragon would be in a pit like this, there was a motherfucking

dragon

perched up there.

Aurelia fought down panic. There was no way she could slay a dragon by herself. Not in this dark pit. Not even with the bow and enchanted arrows she'd lost earlier. If it saw her...

She froze, heart pounding, and waited.

The dragon didn't move.

Aurelia waited.

The dragon still didn't move.

She looked closer. The head seemed to move slightly. Up, then down, up, down...

It was sleeping.

Aurelia forced herself to start breathing again.

Sleeping. There was a goddam dragon napping up there. Waiting for the end of time, maybe. Or for a snack.

Damn you, Cypher!

Aurelia wished she had the knack for casting curses. That prick of a ghoul would be a million fragments of unholy nothing right about now.

Goddam...

Aurelia started backing up, then stopped. No, there was no way out that direction. The ghost had sealed it up behind her. No way back, so obviously the way was...forward? That made sense. Cypher had been stringing her along for hours now, leading her through one puzzle after another. So now, apparently, she had to cross a magical lake, in a dark pit, with a freakin'

dragon

snoring up above her.

She took a deep breath and forced herself to calm down. Panicking would get her killed. Just relax, think things through. The ghost could have killed her a dozen times by now. It obviously wanted something.

She opened her eyes and looked out across the underground lake. It really wasn't that big. She could dimly make out the far wall, maybe a hundred yards away. There were pillars of limestone poking up out of the water. Near the center, light reflected dully off a rock sticking out of the lake. Nothing looked particularly dangerous.

The water lapped right up to the walls on either side of the cavern, though. If she wanted to get across, she was going to have to go through it.

A bit of movement caught her eye. There on the far side, a flicker of pale light she recognized: words being traced through the air. Cypher.

Aurelia gritted her teeth, swallowing the words she wanted to scream at the ghost. Yes, he definitely wanted her to go through the lake.

She padded up to the edge and stared at it. The water was extremely clear. There seemed to be little glowing things floating through it, tiny specks that gave off a dim silver light. Pretty, in a creepy sort of way. Still...

Gingerly, she poked the surface with the tip of her sword.

Nothing happened. Ripples drifted lazily away.

Even more cautiously, she dipped in the toe of her boot.

Still nothing. More ripples. She could feel the cold of the water through the leather. But nothing reached out and grabbed her. No magical enchantments surged to life.

Yet, anyway.

Aurelia took a deep breath. No option for it, then. Steeling herself, she eased her foot into the water.

Still nothing.

She put her other boot in the water and took a step. So far, so good. Gingerly, she began wading into the lake, careful not to splash.

The water was cold, but not unnaturally so. It wasn't deep, either. She was nearing the center of the cavern, but it only came up to mid thigh, not quite past the top of her long boots. The floor underneath was smooth, too, without the loose rocks or other hazards she'd expected. Wading was surprisingly easy. Still, she moved carefully, working her way toward the other side.

Near the center of lake, there was a dark shape coming out of--no floating

above--

the water. She'd thought it was a rock, but apparently not. She couldn't see it well enough to get a sense of what is was, but it looked round and seemed to bend the light. The hairs on the back of her neck pricked up. Whatever it was, it was definitely magic. She steered well away.

The lakebed began to get shallower, and she made it to the other side. A rough ledge ran around the wall, protruding a few feet above the water. She climbed up onto it.

Cypher was waiting for her. He bobbed and weaved around her, a shapeless aura of soft light with bright points swirling around inside.

About time!

The words appeared in thin air, traced in pale, spidery letters by the sparks that swirled around Cypher's essence. He was laughing at her.

Aurelia started to respond with something nasty, but the words caught in her throat. There was a reason she hadn't made a sound since entering the lake. She glared at the dancing specter. If looks could kill...yes indeed.

She raised her hands in a

what now?

Gesture. Cypher spun dizzily in the air before darting to the wall a few feet away. Aurelia followed him. There, illuminated by the phantom's ghostlight, was an outline in the rock. It was similar to the barrier that had appeared behind her, minutes before. And there, carved in the stone, was a keyhole.

Obviously, she inserted a key and the wall opened. Or disappeared. Simple. Just had to get the key, and Cypher would let her out. Or at least, let her

move on

. Probably to the next game.

How long did he expect her to keep going, anyway? She couldn't keep this up much longer. She was getting tired, dammit. Sooner or later, she was going to lose her edge and make a mistake.

Maybe that was the point.

She swallowed.

The key. There had to be a trick here. Where did she get the key?

If I have to steal it from that dragon's bunghole...

She looked at Cypher, pointed at the hole in the rock, made the

what now?

gesture again.

Cypher shook, his sparks flaring as he laughed. He began drifting away from her, still laughing, moving back out over the lake so the water reflected the light he gave off.

Aurelia moved to the edge and squinted her eyes to see what he was doing. He'd moved to the center, near whatever that thing in the middle of the lake was. In his ghostlight, she could see that it was reflective, whatever it was. He began swirling around it, letters flickering into existence and then out again.

Come find the key!

Aurelia resisted the urge to scream. She gently lowered herself back into the water. She made her way carefully back to the center of the lake.

She didn't go straight toward it, whatever was sitting out there. Instead, she hugged the wall, circling. As she got nearer, she could see it better. Cypher's illumination gleamed softly on its surface, giving it a soft aura. It was round, and it was definitely floating above the water.

She really,

really

didn't want to do this, but it appeared she had no choice. Swords held up ready, she began to wade towards the thing, eyes and ears straining for any sign of the trap she knew was coming.

But nothing happened. About ten feet from the thing, the water finally came up over her boots, and she cringed as the cold water began trickling down into her footwear. A few steps later, it came up to her pelvis and tickled her nether regions with an unwelcome kiss that raised goosebumps on every part of her body. Her nipples grew hard. She cursed in her head.

Finally, she made it to the strange object. Still, nothing happened. She looked quizzically at Cypher. The ghost laughed and danced around the thing. Aurelia shook her head and moved closer, looking critically at the object.

It was round and shiny in the dim glow from the lake. It looked soft, almost like liquid. The light seemed to go through it rather than just bouncing off, as though it were hollow. Aurelia reached cautiously out with her sword and poked it.

It moved. Jiggled, really. It was incredibly light, offering almost no resistance and bobbing slightly as it moved back to its original position. Aurelia sighed inwardly and leaned close to look at it in Cypher's dim light.

What the fuck? Is this a...balloon?

It

was

a balloon. A party balloon, like the ones the humans used for their celebrations. What did they call that stuff? Rubber? Latex? She couldn't remember. The humans made little pouches of the stuff and blew them up with air, or sometimes with gas--

helium

--which they collected from vents in the swamps. They would tie the pouches shut and use them for decoration.

Aurelia reached out gingerly and touched the balloon with the tip of a slender finger. The material was soft and gave slightly under her finger before bobbing away. It moved back to sit against her finger, rocking gently. The material was thin, with nothing behind it.

And what the devil am I supposed to do with this?

she thought, exasperated.

Then she saw it. There, at the bottom of the sphere--no,

inside

the sphere, illuminated as Cypher passed behind the balloon--was a silhouette that could only be a key.

She closed her eyes for a moment, fighting against her annoyance. So she was supposed to do what? Untie the bottom of the balloon and pull the key out? Not exactly hard...

Aurelia carefully slid her swords into the sheaths on her back. She felt naked--

more

naked--without them, but she remembered that balloons made a loud noise when popped. The last thing she wanted to do was bring a blade near this one.

She groped down under the balloon. Yes, there was a protruding bit of rubber underneath, a big knot tied shut. There was some twine or something tied around it, keeping the balloon from drifting off. It must be full of that helium stuff to be floating like this. She wondered what would happen if it slipped out of her fingers. Would it go floating out of her reach to the top of the cavern? Or worse, hit a sharp bit of rock and explode? She grimaced as she lowered herself down into the water so she could see what she was doing.

The twine was easy to take off, just a big bow. It released easily once she was sure she had a good grip on the balloon. The knot in the balloon's mouth was harder. The decoration was a round ball, nearly two feet across. Once she got it off the string, it tugged surprisingly hard to float free, despite the weight of the key bouncing around inside. She had to squish it hard under her arm while she struggled with the knot in the dim illumination provided by Cypher. Finally she got it undone--

--and nearly had a heart attack at the whoosh of air as the gas inside it began gusting out. She clamped a hand over the balloon's mouth to stop it, then stood still, listening. The sound echoed dully around the cavern. There was a terrifying moment when the dragon seemed to move its head in irritation, but the creature went on sleeping. After a minute, Aurelia's heart began to work its way back out of her throat.

Cypher was laughing again, little specks of light darting this way and that. She glared up at him through the gloom, seething. She turned her attention back to the balloon, wondering what she should do. The mouth looked big enough to slip the key out of. Maybe she could let the gas out just a little at a time, bleed it empty. Then she could slide the key out easily.

She relaxed her grip on the mouth and was rewarded by the sound of gas sighing out. It was audible, but barely. She held her breath, waiting on tenterhooks for the roar, the burst of flame...

Nothing happened. She relaxed a little and continued to let gas out of the balloon.

But now Cypher was moving. She looked up just as the ghost swirled around her, a cascade of white sparks and dim essence. As she watched, he swirled lazily around her and then down her arms, making her shiver and jerk away. Suddenly there was a pressure in her hands, and she opened her mouth in horror as her grip on the balloon's mouth was pushed wider, forced to open--

She squeezed with all her strength, but Cypher held the mouth open. She could feel movement, feel the gas forcing its way out--

No, not out.

In

. There were now white sparkles dancing inside the balloon.

The pressure eased suddenly and she reflexively clamped her hand shut on the balloon's mouth. Cypher was now inside the balloon, along with the key. With his light shining out from the inside, Aurelia could see the balloon was a purple color. Deep purple, like good wine, almost black but not quite. Really pretty, actually, especially with Cypher's speckles and tendrils swirling around inside it. Pretty, but a problem.

Not knowing what else to do, Aurelia relaxed her grip again so more gas could seep out. Cypher could just come out with it.

Nothing happened.

She allowed the mouth to open a little wider, puzzled.

Still nothing. In frustration, she let go of the balloon's mouth, allowing it to open fully.

There was no gust of air, no sound. Instead the faintest bit of dim light swirled around the mouth.

This fuck!

she raged internally.

He's fucking holding the gas inside! Of all the stupid, accursed, irritating little fiends, I'll--I'll--I'll just fucking pop the damn thing and there's nothing he'll be able to do...

Oh.

Pop the thing. So that was it. That was the game all along. To get the key, she had to pop the balloon. Make it go bang. Wake the fucking dragon and then run like hell for the door...

Fuck.

Maybe she should just stop. Just give up. This was damned ridiculous. She could just wade out of this stupid lake, sit down by the wall and...

What? Slit her throat? Starve to death?

Get eaten by a damn dragon, that's what.

Which was exactly what was going to happen if she played this game.

Unless she ran really fast?

Fuck you, Cypher!

She made a rude gesture at him as he swirled around inside the balloon. He pulsed cheekily and the sparks formed a pattern, mirroring her gesture back at her.

Well, fuck, here goes...

she thought.

She drew the long dagger from her belt. On the count of three:

One...

Two...

Three!

She made a quick jabbing motion with her hand, driving the point of the dagger toward the balloon's rubber surface, eyes jammed closed, nerves on fire, waiting for the explosion--

There was a jolt as the dagger bounced off. She nearly dropped it in surprise. She opened her eyes, unable to believe it.

What in the hundred lost gods of Karzimor?!

Cypher was laughing at her. Her mind was foggy with terror and anger and frustrated confusion, but she could see that plain enough. He was almost beside himself with laughter, a starburst swirling madly inside the balloon. Angry, she jabbed the balloon again with the dagger.

Once, twice, three times. Each time, the dagger bounced back. A bit of light and an explosion of white sparks showed inside the balloon where the steel touched the rubber.

Aurelia collapsed, allowing her knees to give way as she sank down into the icy water up to her neck. She clenched the balloon in frustration, clamping her jaw shut to keep herself from screaming in frustration.

It took her a minute to get herself back under control.

Slowly, wearily, she stood back up, shivering as the cold water ran of her body. She made the

what now?

gesture again, finally giving up. She didn't know what else to do. She was playing the phantom's game here. Might as well get the next clue.

Cypher seemed to glow brighter inside the depths of the balloon, sparks and wisps of light exploding in his excitement. There was something downright evil in that swirl of color and energy. As she watched, the center slowed and words began to trace themselves out for her, words she strained to read through the swirl of sparkles and the reflections of the rubber.

blow me

beautiful elf

you want the key

then blow until

you wake the dragon

you want to get free

then blow me

blow me

The words repeated over and over in the swirl of light. She read them, not processing what she was reading.

Blow me.

She'd seen someone blowing up balloons at a festival once. Some woman inflating them and tying them to a streamer between two rooftops. She'd blown one of them too big, and it had popped, exploded with its open end still inside her mouth.