Sunday. I had just one day left to finish my horrible line writing task. Already the day had gotten off to a foul start. I'd been woken up by a loud knock at the front door. Yet another special delivery. Yet more neighbours, all waiting with cameras. When this was all over, I'd definitely have to move away.
Now Skunk Piggy, my stinky new friend, and I were holding hands, whimpering in our horrible skunk stench and waiting for our Goddess to come on Skype. Finally she emerged, all smiles.
"Morning Line Piggy! Morning Skunky-Wunky! Oh dear, someone didn't get to go home to their wife last night did they?"
"No Goddess Tamara, oink oink," said Skunk Piggy with a respectful curtsey.
"I gave you the choice between going home and sharing a bed with your beautiful wife, or staying with Line Piggy and using their stinky diaper as a pillow. And you chose the latter, didn't you skunky?"
I still couldn't believe that had happened. Skunk Piggy sobbed, confirmed it and oink oinked.
"Don't worry Skunky! I sent your wife a photo of you sound asleep in your pissy piggy pillow. She told me you'll be hearing from her divorce lawyer and will never see her again. Hooray!"
"B-but Goddess, please-"
"Hush! We've got more important things to talk about," said Goddess Tamara, giggling. "How many lines has line piggy managed?"
"Nine thousand nine hundred and thirty Goddess. Oink oink."
I gasped. I was just seventy lines away from freedom. Goddess Tamara applauded. "Oh I'm so proud of you Line Piggy!"
"Thank you Goddess Tamara! Oink oink! May I please start today's writing? Oink oink?"
"Soon Piggy, I promise! But don't you want your gift first?"
I nodded and oinked nervously. With shaking trotters, I opened my gift. It was a ball gag. Writing in my hot stinky conservatory would be even less fun with this on but it could have been a lot worse.
"Turn it over piggy!"
I turned it over and squealed, making Goddess Tamara laugh. There was a pen attached to the ball. I realised what this meant and went pale.
Skunk Piggy strapped it on. Now I had a stupid pen hanging out of my mouth.
"I want all those lines done perfectly piggy - no mistakes! Skunky, you are to rip up any page that isn't done perfectly, understood?"