When myself and Emily need a swift resolution to conflicting desires, we default to a thumb war or 'Rock, Paper, Scissors'...
When we have the time and energy, we wrestle. The first to hold the other down for 10 seconds gets to have the final say in whatever decision needs to be made.
Today's Agenda: Deciding which takeaway to order tonight.
I wasn't in a good position. Emily was on top of me with her hips over my stomach. Her legs stretched around my torso and around the back of my head, propping me up slightly to face her.
"4... 5..."
She counted slowly and fairly, something we always tried to do. We'd never race to get to 10 - It had to be a genuine 10 seconds.
"6... 7..."
I fought against her weight, trying to push her off and free myself. The position of her legs made this difficult - They acted as a lock. As I forced my torso up off the floor slightly, I felt Emily's core tighten as she pushed me back to the ground. I felt a gentle rumble spread across my stomach.
bbbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Emily stopped counting. The vibration continued for a few seconds, the strongest part of the force being at the centre of where Emily's butt pressed against me. It felt warm as it continued to squeeze through the denim of her jeans, beyond the fabric of my top, and onto my skin.
"Oops" - She smiled slightly as she held her stomach.
"Did you just..."
This was my first time hearing Emily fart. She isn't shy or awkward about it - Quite the opposite. She will always tell me when she needs to fart, or just wait until I smell it. But they are
always
silent. Even when she tries to make them loud for a joke, they just come out as a whispering hiss.
She giggled. Trying to speak only made her laughter worse. "I -- It was -- didn't mean to --" The words were lost between her chortling and gasps for air. More small rumbles escaped her backside and spread across my stomach, to the same pattern as her laughter. Each one only making the situation more hilarious, causing more laughter, causing more farts. It was an endless cycle.
I took this opportunity for my own advantage - I got free from under her as she keeled over to the side, falling to the floor.
This finally stopped her laughing. "Hey! Not fair - I was on top for longer than 10 seconds!"
"That's not the full rules," I spoke, climbing on top of her, my ass to her chest whilst I was facing her legs, "we have to actually count the whole time! 1... 2..."
I felt a familiar bubble of gas make its way down. Sure, this was about winning the fight, but it'd be nice to get revenge, too. I slowed my counting down, to allow time for the bubble to be released. All the while, I continued trying to keep Emily below me as she struggled.
"Thhhh...rrrrr....eeee........... Ffff...oouu..rrr........"
I grunted ever-so-slightly, trying to force the fart out. I tried to keep my grunt silent, but Emily heard.
"Oh FUCK no, your ass is right near my face,"
Before she got a chance to say another word, I felt the gas sputtering out of me in waves.
pppp-RrrRRRTtttttt... Brr brrr brr... prrrrrRRRRRaaappppp
That always happens when I try to force out a fart before it's entirely ready - It stops and starts again multiple times, often louder than usual. This particular one lasted about 10 seconds from start to finish, if you count the gaps of silence between.
"THAT REEKS," Emily screamed whilst laughing, "GET THE FUCK OFF!"
