[Well, Gentle Reader, here I am again, asking for guidance. I did, as the opening line of this story puts it, wake up one morning thinking that I like women's assholes. But I'm not sure if it's something that others share or, more to the point I guess, if it's something you want to read about. So let me know. If you like this story, leave a comment. If you hate this story, leave a comment. If you don't care, well, I have plenty of other stories out there, so try one of them.
Anyway, thanks in advance for your help.]
I woke this morning with this weird thought in my mind - - I like women's assholes.
So, being a professional researcher by trade, I started looking. Google, of course, has made my life much easier, taking away the need to search card catalogs or hang around in dusty stacks in the bowels of the library. I thought, if a word for my particular, well, let's call it an "interest," I don't think it rises to the level of "fetish," existed it would have "-phile," or "-philia" as the suffix. I Google searched for terms like "anusphilia," "analphilia," and even "assholephilia." The only return was from the
Urban Dictionary
was "kolotripidaphilia,"
According to the
Urban Dictionary
, Kolotripidaphilia is:
When a person is sexually aroused by buttholes. Usually by touching, licking, or looking at an anus.
Well, that certainly describes me but I'd like to know the derivation of that weird word. I kind of suspect the root is somewhere in "colon," the large intestine of the human digestive system, you know, that part they explore with the dreaded colonoscopy, with the anus the final exit for used food.
Oh, well, enough of the etymology of the word.
Why do I care?
Because I've always been fascinated by assholes. Well, by women's anuses, you know, not that asshole that stole your parking spot at the WalMart.
My family is very matriarchal. When a boy comes of age he's turned over to a post-menopausal woman to be taught the things he needs to know. According to the family legend, and I believe it to be true, the couple, Ira and Gladys if it matters, who started the Colorado branch of our family moved west when the Oneida Community was falling apart and brought with them the traditions and beliefs of the Oneidas. Most of the religious part of that system had fallen by the wayside but the understanding that sex was important and should be done properly was retained.
In my case, that summer I was turned over to my great-grandmother, a 70-something Matriarch in a small town in eastern Colorado. She got me past that first burst of young, testosterone-driven passion while every human being with a functioning Y chromosome learns the pure pleasure of climax and thinks that's all that matters.
She taught me patience. She taught me, a lesson that three wives have thanked her for, that a man should give a woman at least three orgasms before he considers his own pleasure. She taught me the proper way to nurse at a woman's breast. She taught me how to find a clitoris and a G spot without fail. Mostly, she taught me that men are easy to please, you know, rub the damn thing for a few seconds, squirt, aaaaaaaaaaaaah, but women need patience and work.
Only after I had mastered those basics, a month or so into my summer, did she roll onto her belly to teach me the special places of a woman's back. She taught me to caress her calves and thighs. How to tickle a back and watch the goosebumps rise if it is done properly. To lightly brush the roundness of an ass, making her squirm as the sensation got too intense.
I still remember the first time I saw her asshole. Lunch was done, the dishes up, and I had undressed her in that slow, careful way she taught me, kissing revealed skin and telling her she was beautiful and that I loved her - - "
Remember Davey," she said often, "a woman needs to hear the words."
- - and was taking my time, massaging the backs of her thighs in that way she liked, leaning forward, my weight pressing down and watching the soft flesh pressed ahead of my hands like the bow wave of a boat. At her age, the skin was soft, what I've since learned to call "crepe skin."
I was massaging her legs like that, each long stroke of my hands moving from the backs of her knees up to her
gluteal sulcus
, that line where the roundness of her ass met the tops of her thighs.
I scooted forward, and on the next long stroke of my hands they ended on her ass and as I leaned forward I spread her cheeks and there it was.
And I was hooked.
Her cheeks spread like that I could see the fine line of pubic hair that continued from her pussy across her taint (You know the old joke, right? Q: What's that area between a woman's pussy and asshole called? A: The taint. T'ain't ass and t'ain't pussy.) and framed the smooth circle that surrounded her anus.
I couldn't look away.
It was very darkly stained. There was a very smooth circle surrounding her anus, and the butthole itself was a puckered circle even darker. And four distinct hemorrhoids hung like grapes.