An Expectant Hippie
Cam is fucking insufferable, full of hippie faux-wisdom, vapid spirituality, and hypocritical judgments. I don't even think my wife, Sarah, would disagree with any of that, but we still have to see her every time we're visiting my in-laws in Pittsburgh. Sarah and Cam were close friends in high school and roommates for a few years in their 20s. They still see each other a few times a year, which, for the past several years, means I also see Cam a few times a year. Usually, I hate it. Honestly, I'll probably hate it this time, too. The one silver lining this visit is that she's 38 weeks into her first pregnancy...and I'm very into pregnancy.
Not even my wife knows about my pregnancy fetish. We've been married for two years and have already started trying for kids ourselves, but I still haven't been able to bring myself to divulge my little secret. All the better for the time being, as visiting her very pregnant friend would definitely have a level of awkwardness added to it if anyone knew about my predilection for preggos. I may have to endure some hippie nonsense for a few hours, but at least I'll be in the presence of someone gravid.
I've played it cool around plenty of pregnant friends and co-workers in the past, and I know it's never a problem for me to be around expectant mothers, even if I secretly fantasize about fucking every single one of them. So, I'll take some small enjoyment in our visit with Cam where I can find it, even if it's secretly and a bit pervertedly.
We get to her apartment around 6:30 for dinner. Her husband is working tonight, which is another little bonus for this visit: I won't have to make small talk about sports, a topic I know nothing about but, as a guy, just cannot seem to avoid. Luckily, tonight it'll just be Cam's mystical auras and magical crystals to deal with. I'm pretty happy when Cam answers the door: she's huge, even considering how close to her due date she is. Her bump could probably pass for a twinner, I'd say. She wears a floral pattern maxi dress, her belly jutting out immediately under her breasts at least 18 inches from the rest of her.
"Sarah! Eric!" She's glad to see us, and Sarah seems pretty pleased, too. Given our attempts to procreate, I figured Sarah would be pretty psyched to talk to her heavily pregnant friend. "Oh my God, you're huge!" my wife exclaims, then quickly apologizes. Cam waves it off with a laugh, admitting that she is, indeed, huge. She clasps her hands together just under her bump, tightening the dress around her belly to reveal the true shape and size of it. Putting aside the conversational bullshit I know is imminent, I am in heaven to be in the presence of such an impressive pregnancy.
We all sit in the living room, Cam and Sarah next to each other on the couch and me in a recliner, our asses barely touching cushions before Sarah asks Cam what it's like to be pregnant. I understand Sarah's curiosity, but am not looking forward to hearing the answer. Cam begins, hands gripping her massiveness on both sides: "Honestly, I just feel so, so connected to the earth, Mother Nature, femininity...I feel so powerful, like a fertility goddess. I'm making life in here! It's magical, Sarah. You're going to love it!" Sarah is rapt, and I'm trying not to roll my eyes. My eyes are pretty fucking glued to the bump, though, so not rolling them becomes pretty easy to pull off.