My name is Robin. I am twenty-one years old, and I live in Glasgow.
Actually, my name is not Robin, but my native name is not easy to pronounce for English speakers, and thus I go by Robin. That is when I am a human. When I am dog, I am called Cassie.
Once a week, I travel to Milngavie, just north of Glasgow, to meet with my part-time owner, trainer, and unlikely friend, Frank, and become a dog for a few hours.
Before coming to Glasgow, I had no idea what pet play was, nor that one day I might be into it.
This is a story of one of my afternoons at Frank's.
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I get off the bus that is already almost dark. It's only barely past 4pm, but December in Glasgow is brutal. Today, for a change, is not particularly cold, but clouds are low and the streetlights have been on for a while already. The 60A bus from Glasgow took longer than usual to reach Milngavie. I better rush or I'll be late.
Frank is in his thirties and lives in a small house on the west side of town. We met at a munch, or a local event for people who enjoy kink, and bonded over stories about Eastern Europe. He is half-Polish and has spent a lot of time at his grandparents when he was a kid, often travelling to the Baltics in vacation with his family.
Now on a career break -- he is an engineer -- he dreams of living in Spain. He lives alone and I sometimes wonder whether he is staying only because of me. Presumptuous, I know, but his house looks like he's about to move out any day. Boxes everywhere and very little dΓ©cor. Maybe one day I'll knock on his door only to find him gone. The thought makes me shiver with sadness.
It takes me about seven minutes to walk from the bus stop to his house. Later, at night, he will drive me home, so I don't have to worry about travelling alone when it's dark. Well, darker.
We have our set of rules, which we discussed in advance and that we adhere to religiously. One of those rules is that I must knock at his door at a precise time, which we agreed upon in advance. Today, it's five minutes to five.
I am always a few minutes early, and the wait is quite embarrassing. I stand at the door, nervously looking at my mobile waiting for the time when I am allowed to buzz in. I wonder if neighbours noticed me. With time, I got good at timing my arrivals, but the first time I waited outside his door for almost half an hour.
16:54
I raise my hand and hover over the buzzer.
As soon as the last minute ticks by, I buzz. He must have been waiting for me because the door opens almost immediately.
"Hello Robin," he says jovially.
"Hello Frank."
His house smells of damp laundry and lavender spray. It's old, and despite Frank's obsession with scented sprays, the smell of dampness lives unabated. The entrance is small and cramped, divided in two by an awkwardly placed wooden cupboard and cluttered with outdoor shoes, raincoats, and waterproof hats. I move aside so that he can close the entry door behind us, and with it the last noise from the town is shut off.
For a moment, neither of us move. I am always extremely alert in these first instants because I am never quite sure, despite all our rituals, if I am facing Frank, the odd friend who lives in Milngavie, or Frank, my Owner. Sometimes it's difficult to tell the difference, but his silence is generally my clue. I take notice and start by taking off my shoes.
There is a designated pigeonhole in the cupboard for me to place my shoes, with my socks inside. It's a small cupboard, crooked and full of gears from Frank's actual dog, Leila, and I feel grateful for the space dedicated to my shoes. I leave my earrings, necklace, and bracelet in a chipped wooden bowl before removing the rest of my clothes. I am allowed to leave my nose piercing on. Everything else must go.
I take off my coat and hang to my personal hanger, neatly labelled Robin with a lovely yellow tag. Then I undo my belt and peel off my trouser before taking off my top. Lastly, my underwear, which I stuff in one of the pockets of my coat.
Naked, I look up, and he makes a small nod. I am ready.
Well, not quite.
Slowly, almost carefully, he draws open a drawer and picks one of the collars from a batch of ten or more that he has in store for me. They are obviously not the same that Leila uses, but it's a powerful gesture that they are stored in the same space.
He chooses one of my regular collars, made of Cordura and lined with a soft material that is gentle on my neck. I turn around and let me him secure it around my neck. Robin is momentarily on pause. I am Cassie now.
I kneel, as elegantly as I can, and go on my four. From this height I must tilt my neck to look at him. He pets me on my head and ruffles up my short hair before inviting me over to the living room.
"Come Cassie."
I follow.
The floor is carpeted and easy to walk on. I move slowly but eagerly, following him around to the sofa. There is a steamy mug on the coffee table, and even if I can't see the content, I suspect he has prepared himself tea. As usual, he has a small treat for me: a crumb of cheese that he hands me distractedly before sitting on the sofa.
I love cheese.
We have few rules that extend outside the realm of the play. One of these is that I cannot have cheese. Only when I am at his place. It's my treat, and I savour every bit with immense pleasure.
As I chew, Leila makes an appearance. She is old and frail, but still very beautiful. She comes towards me, and we greet, as we do most times, with a gentle sniff. She is only mildly interested in me, preferring to spend time on the sofa near Frank. She jumps up and puts her snout on his legs. I am not allowed on the sofa unless invited -- she earned her sofa spot with years of service, while I am just a new pup -- but I have my bed at his feet. It is not shared with Leila, and I suspect, although I never asked, that Frank must wash it weekly as it always feels fresh and has so far remained immune to the smell of damp.
I cuddle up in it and try to ignore the stinging pang of jealousy towards Leila as she is getting petted while I am ignored. It's a very difficult feeling to handle, being jealous of a dog, but also one that makes me feel a pleasure that I cannot describe.