An Awakening 15

I can tell you that the day I discovered my wetting fetish was a Tuesday.

It began with too much water, and it ended with an awakening of something deep within me, a primal urge that left me wet and shaking in the raptures of post-orgasmic pleasure.

Let me rewind.

It was my last year at high school. I'd turned eighteen that March, and it suddenly felt like adulthood was approaching -- or maybe childhood was ending. I'd always been pretty quiet and flown under the radar, but this year, more than a few adults commented that I was really blossoming.

I made the school's top hockey team and was picked as vice-captain; I had already secured a place at university thanks to my English Literature results; and I had stopped worrying about fitting in and seemed to be able to move between different friend groups with ease.

While I still felt like a bit of an introverted outsider on a social level (being the only child of two workaholics will do that to you - especially when you live miles away from your friends), I had developed a quiet confidence. Whether it was being in the final year, or having turned 18 without any kind of major mishaps or dramas, a switch had flipped.

The things I was self-conscious about - being six feet tall, being quiet and reserved, never being part any loud and vibrant cliques - had suddenly become things in my favour. I went from being the weird tall tomboy to the athletic hockey star. From the quiet nerd to the trusted, reliable friend with a sympathetic ear. From the girl called "frigid" or "lesbian" or "virgin" behind her back to the smart young woman with no burnt bridges or pregnancy scares to her name.

In fact, aside from a couple of casual boyfriends and one or two tipsy kisses with Clara, I hadn't been at all adventurous with my sexuality, but that didn't seem to count against me anymore: I was just Lucy, a proper, normal girl with no embarrassing secrets to hide.

But if books taught me anything, it's that a surprise event can throw everything you thought you knew into doubt.

For me, that surprise event happened on a rather ordinary Tuesday afternoon.

I know it was a Tuesday because I had hockey practice at lunch. It must have been the summer, because I remember it being oppressively hot and humid, the sun so bright that the shadows looked crisp and sharp and the air shimmered as we ran through it, pushing ourselves to exhaustion. I finished a whole litre sports bottle of water, plus half of it again before the training was finished.

Our coach pushed us hard and all of us were often late to the first class after lunch. That Tuesday was no exception. Like always, we arrived in our classes sweaty, pink-cheeked or even red-faced, our white blouses blotted grey with wet patches from freshly-showered hair. I still hadn't cooled down, and kept sipping from my water bottle to bring the temperature back down.

If it had been my English class, or maybe Art and Design, maybe nothing would have happened. Maybe that Tuesday would have been ordinary. But that day I had mathematics after lunch, and it was a test. I put my hand up to ask if I could go to the bathroom, and Miss Smith looked at me with a smirk.

"You had your chance at lunch time, Lucy."

I tried to put the growing need to pee out of my mind. I could feel my bladder pushing insistently against the waistband of my skirt, but I am a top grade hockey player, and we had been through classes and trainings about mental strength. I knew how to control my body better than most people. I told myself the need to pee was an electrical signal, something I could ignore.

It worked - and maybe it worked too well. Because it was not until late through the last period of the day that I felt a wave of urgent pressure in my bladder again. I looked at the clock: only another fifteen minutes, and then I could make it to the toilet before heading to catch the school bus. No problem.

Until, that is, one of the boys began coughing. I turned around and could see vape fumes at the back of the room, and the class all at once erupted in pandemonium, the boys all laughing and mocking each other, and the teacher Mr Whatley struggling to regain control. He demanded the vape and nobody would give it up.

Please, I thought: please just hand it over. I had an awful feeling that Mr Whatley would hold the class back after school as punishment, and that I would lose my window of opportunity to make it to the bathroom.

The bell rang and I began packing up my stuff, but Mr Whatley had lost it.

"None of you are going ANYWHERE until the culprit comes forward!" he screamed, his sallow cheeks pulsing purple and red with anger.

I sank into the hard plastic seat, and the impact gave me a jolt of electricity through my pelvis. I began to squeeze my thighs together, fiddling with a pen under the table to keep my mind off my bladder. I tried thinking about something else, anything else to distract me from the rising panic that I might not have time before I had to catch the bus. I began to fret and stress myself out: I lived over an hour away, none of my older friends with cars lived anywhere near. Missing the bus was not an option - Tuesday is when both of my parents worked in the city, a long train journey away. They wouldn't be home until later in the evening. I had to be a big girl and look after myself.

The need to release my bladder suddenly hit me in a wave. I leaned forwards, the pressure was hot and electric inside me. Back to the mental game: I began to talk to myself, using everything I had learnt about sports psychology to bring my urges back under control. Plus, I told myself, you're eighteen, not a child. You're much too old to wet your pants at school.

After what felt like an age, Mr Whatley gave up. I think he realised he would be in trouble if he caused any of us problems getting home. He begrudgingly let us out of the door, and I began to walk quickly down the corridor, leaving so abruptly I forgot to say goodbye to my best friend, Clara.

As I made a beeline for the bathrooms, I looked through the window and could see the buses queued along the school driveway, snaking around the turning circle.

Fuck.

The first bus in the line began to pull away.

Double fuck.

It was there and then I made a fateful decision: I couldn't risk missing the bus. Hockey bag in one hand, schoolbag over one shoulder, I ran out of the corridor and straight to the bus. I could hear Clara's voice calling out to me, but all I could think about was how each stride jolted my bladder.

With seconds to spare, and with a glare from the driver, I made it on board. I managed to find a seat near the back, which was easy enough because my bus was known as the 'Safari Explorer' - it headed out of town and into the hill forests.

I checked my phone and found a message from Clara:

Jeez whats up with u? No goodbye :(

I felt a flush in my cheeks and my heart leapt. Earlier this year I had developed a crush on Clara, but she had been my friend since kindergarten, and I knew I couldn't act on it. At the same time, I had become very self-conscious about not upsetting her, and I cursed myself for making such a mistake.

I typed back:

Sorry! I was so worried about the bus I dont know what came over me. Love u, will call when I get home x

Seconds later, she replied with an emoji love heart. Grateful for the brief distraction from my need to pee, I plugged my earbuds in and opened Spotify, choosing what I thought would be a relaxing playlist of my favourites.

The music helped, but I could no longer ignore just how badly I needed to go. Each jolt and bump of the bus increased the pressure. I began tapping and jiggling my legs, squeezing my thighs over and over again. I knew I only had three more stops to go, and then I'd be on my driveway, but that wasn't where the problem ended: it was still a five-minute, uphill walk to my house. My mental strength began to fail: I began to think I wouldn't make it.

My stop came, and I got to my feet awkwardly, making my way off the bus via the back door. Each step came with a jolt of pressure. But something was changing. I felt a bit of panic, but there was a kind of excitement, too. Maybe it was adrenaline. I stood and squeezed my legs together again and tried to concentrate on how good it felt, to focus on the squeeze and pulse of my thighs.

I snapped out of it, aware that I might have looked strange to anyone who happened to drive past. The driveway was fairly steep and slippery, but covered in an archway of trees. I tried walking slowly, but then the need to get home overtook me. I ran the rest of the way, fumbling with my key in the door. In through the kitchen, dropping my bags on the ground, but not fast enough as I felt something warm and wet in my underwear, felt the liquid run down the back of my legs, and I stood in the hallway and it began to pour out of me, I was peeing myself and I had frozen in shock. I still now remember how warm it was, almost hot, the feeling of it gathering between my legs and then coursing down in a rush, the feeling of it soaking my socks and into my shoes.

Realising that my school skirt was trapped between my legs and dripping now too, my underwear soaked, the wet fabric against my labia and my bottom cheeks, the warmth cooling as the last rivulets ran down my calves and joined the puddle on the hallway rug.

In a daze, I slipped my feet out of my now pee-filled sneakers. I peeled off my saturated socks, then gingerly walked the rest of the way to the toilet, glancing back at the enormous puddle on the floor, my wet socks and shoes in the middle. In front of the toilet I pulled off my skirt and put it in the bath tub. Then I pulled down my sopping underpants, feeling the warm wetness on my palms.

I'm not sure why, but as I sat on the seat, I lifted the underpants to my nose. I inhaled, and the scent set off something I still cannot describe. Something primal. Holding them to my nose with one hand, my other hand slipped in between my legs. I began to part my lips, feeling droplets on the hair, feeling the slick wet warmth as my fingers went deeper. I slid my middle finger back and forth, inhaling the smell from the underwear, a scent that I had never considered as anything but gross before, and yet now it was unlocking something deep inside me.

As I began to rub my clit, I opened my mouth slightly, then began to put the cotton underwear into my mouth. I felt the rising pulse of an orgasm, something I had only just discovered I could give myself at night under the duvet. I began to suck on the wet fabric. A trickle ran along my tongue, down my throat, and as I slid one finger inside myself the orgasm came, an irresistible wave that forced my eyes shut and a moan from my mouth.

As I opened my eyes, I realised I hadn't even shut the door of the bathroom. It was lucky nobody would be home for hours: I had time to clean up the mess I had made, time to wash my uniform, and time to relive the experience in my mind again and again.

After a quick shower, I slipped back down the hallway, stepping over the puddle to reach my bag and check my phone. On it was a message from Clara:

Hey babe what u up to?

It took me a few moments to gather my thoughts, and then I decided to call her. But, in truth, I don't remember what we talked about. Instead, my mind was back on what had happened in the hallway, what happened in the bathroom, the intensity of the smell and the sensations of warmth and wetness.

As I half-listened to Clara gossip and chat, I could only think about one thing: I needed to feel that way again.