Amanda Ch 01 5

I am not a normal girl. Well, not normal by what anyone else's standards of normal would be. I have trouble defining myself and finding where I fit because I'm wildly kinky by some people's standards and a very tame vanilla to others. I straddle the line between submissive and dominant, between sexually adventurous and staying within limits. I don't think someone has to be all-in to one category or the other to have a satisfying sex life or relationship. It's taken a long time to get where I am now so I thought I'd write some of my story and share it here because, who knows, maybe you'll enjoy it.

My name is Amanda and I'm 34 years old. I was married for about 5 years but got divorced and now, 5 years later, I'm in a committed relationship with my sexual match, Mark. I've discovered over the years that I like to be submissive in bed. My main pleasure comes from servicing the person I'm with and satisfying their needs. I don't care if I cum and, in fact, I am better controlled if I'm not allowed to cum at all. I'm horny on a daily basis and Mark can take me whenever he wants but I just can't seem to do the whole "master" and "slave" roles. I don't think I have the ability to be a true submissive.

I knew I liked kinky when I wouldn't just masturbate when I was very young. I'd poke safety pins into my nipples and shove markers in my pussy long before I had started having sex. I wanted to be used. In my teens, I had a boyfriend who persuaded me to let one of his friends fuck me on the floor of a walk in closet at a party because he said I belonged to him. So I did and the whole time I thought about how my boyfriend was letting some other guy use me. I had orgasms so huge the guy had to cover my mouth for fear I'd be heard over the loud music outside. I wanted to be used again. I wanted him to go find every friend he had and let them fuck me one after the other.

Unfortunately, it turned out that his friend had always wanted to be with me and my boyfriend didn't really care about me so nothing grew out of it, to my complete frustration. I had a surprisingly difficult time to even get him to fuck me in the ass let alone do anything else I dreamed about. We broke up and I went through boyfriend after boyfriend, silly and sexually inexperienced boys who would claim to worship me because I taught them about sex, but I couldn't seem to spark the flame of kinkyness in them. The whole worship thing was a complete turn off. I wanted a man, not a boy, to take me and own my body and use it to please himself and to get pleasure from doing things to me.

After years of failed experiences, I eventually decided I would never meet my sexual match. I married at 24 and we had vanilla sex 4 - 5 days per week. I was so bored. I couldn't get rid of my desires though so I'd stick anything I could in my pussy - zucchini and other produce, eggs, remote controls, phones, tennis balls, beer bottles - and I'd leave them in there for as long as I could stand it (and had plenty of scares trying to get things out!). I eventually worked up to fucking the wide end of my husband's baseball bat. I needed to be fucked by something. I needed to feel something in my pussy. I finally started sticking two racquetballs up my pussy and leaving them in all day on my days off when he was still at work but I didn't tell him. I started to think I was abnormal.

One day I inserted my racquetballs and decided to go run errands. My pussy was so dripping wet from the excitement of having a secret that I was afraid the balls would try to come out. I wondered if people knew by my walk or maybe the look on my face but no one seemed to notice me at all. I started upping the ante by wearing my balls out and putting mini binder clips on my nipples under my bra. I wasn't brave enough yet to wear my balls to work but I did do the binder clips a few days per week. They were so painful that I'd have to go in the bathroom to adjust them and rub my nipples for relief but then I'd clamp them back on tight and go back to work.

One day my very vanilla husband surprised me by asking if I wanted to go check out the swingers' club that near our house. He'd heard it was interesting and I thought, "Oh please let this wake him up." I told him I heard that people have sex in front of everyone else there and asked if we were going to do that. He said he didn't know but wanted to see the scene first. We waited until about midnight and I put on a short dress, no underwear or bra, and then we headed over.

The place was really busy! We paid our entry fee and walked in. The first thing I saw was a woman giving head to a guy sitting on a couch. Others were sitting around and chatting. It was this super weird combination of lounge and sex club. We explored the various rooms - an empty doctors office, a hot tub room, a bondage room actively being used, and more. There were private booths and exhibition rooms. One couple had quite a large audience and I heard that they had been going at it for 45 minutes at that point. But it was a room with a giant bed and a large glass window that caught my attention. A woman was on her hands and knees on the bed and a man sat off in the corner. A sign on the window said:

FREE SLUT

USE ANY HOLE

CONDOM MANDATORY

I just about creamed myself right there. I wanted to be her. There was an actual line of guys waiting their turn. A line! I had no idea how many she'd taken before I got there or how many she would end up taking that night in total but I was impressed. I turned my husband away from the couple and toward the room.

I asked, "Do you think you could ever let me do that?" I prayed for him to say yes, to say that I should and would do it.

"Would you want to do that?" he asked with a slight wrinkle to his nose.

"Well, I would do it if you wanted me to and I do think it would be an interesting experience. I think I'd like to try it," I said with hopeful eyes.

"Hmmm," he said as he watched the woman take one guy in her ass as another fucked her mouth. The guy in her mouth finished and another guy was ushered in to take his place. Gawd, I wanted to be her.

We ended up having sex standing up in a private booth with a curtain closed. I know, disappointing as hell, right? Here we were with a literal orgy going on around us and we're in a private booth. I asked him to fuck my ass, to fist me, to throat fuck me but he just wanted to fuck and cum. This was the start of the end of our marriage.

Skip to about 4 years later and I've been divorced for awhile, trying regular dating, trying Adult Friend Finder and other online adult services, but every guy talked a bigger game than he could give. It seems that they all thought it was just talking dirty. Then I met Mark at a summer barbecue that a friend was having at a park. My friend introduced us and we chatted a bit then drifted apart to mingle with other people. I could feel his eyes on me though. I'd turn and catch him watching me, not staring but looking at me like he was trying to figure me out. He wouldn't look away when I caught him. He wanted me to know he was watching me.

When the person I was talking to walked off to get another beer, Mark came up and gave me a sly smile. "We need to go on a date," he said very matter-of-factly.

"We do?" I asked.

"Yep, you need me. That sounds creepy. I don't mean it to be creepy. I just have this feeling though that we're going to be good together," he said and that sly smile came back.

It was on our third date when he stated that we needed to have sex. Now obviously I'm no prude but I was surprised that he just flat out stated it like it was a fact. It wasn't said with arrogance or aggressiveness, it was more like he knew what I needed and wanted to give it to me. He told me that Saturday night we'd stay in at his place and that I should bring my toothbrush.

I assumed Saturday would be awkward. The first time usually is clumsy and fumbling but there wasn't any time for that. He kissed me the second I came in the door and pulled my body so close to his it was like the was trying to absorb me. He undressed me where I stood while kissing and caressing me everywhere. He picked me up and carried me to the bedroom then laid me on the bed. He turned me so my legs dangled off the side and got between my legs.

Still fully clothed, he ran his hands over my body, never saying a word. He gently caressed from my shoulders to my knees then went back to my tits. This time he pinched my nipples. I couldn't help but let out a small moan and he pinched them harder making me moan and squirm. His hands then pulled my thighs further apart and I could feel him playing with the folds of my pussy. One finger, two fingers, three fingers and I was squirming on his hand. Four fingers and I was arching up off the bed.

"How far do you want to go?" he asked. "Can you take it all?" My pussy was absolutely drenched and I nodded. "Well, we'll wait for that," he said in a low voice. He got undressed and stood next to the bed. "Get on your knees down here."

I dropped to my knees and he smiled. "Oh, I see I was right. You have a submissive streak. This is good." He tipped my head back and asked if I like giving oral. It's just one of my most favorite things ever but all I could manage was a "yes."

"I want you to keep your eyes on mine," he said as he slid a finger into my mouth and gently pulled it open. He slowly slid his rock hard cock into my mouth and using both of his hands he stretched and positioned my neck so he could slide in as far as I could take him and then try for more. The whole time my eyes were locked on his as his cock slid in and out of my mouth, stretching my jaw and my throat. I was gagging and my eyes were tearing up but I stayed locked on him the best I could.

"You're such a good girl," he whispered and I almost came again. "I'm impressed. Your throat needs more training but you're pretty damn good already." He continued to fuck my throat, making me gag and cry.

He pulled me up and put me back on the bed, pulled me to the edge and rammed his cock into me in one fell swoop. He grabbed my legs, lifted me off the bed and started fucking me harder than I'd been fucked in a very long time. He pounded my pussy until I thought he was ready to cum and I was going to cum with him but he just stopped. He stepped back and smiled at me as he put lube all over his right hand. I knew what was coming next. Me.

He went straight to 4 fingers for a few pumps and then brought in his thumb. He fisted me with the teardrop shape hands make and then slowed to try to push in up to his wrist. I had told him that I wanted it and now I was getting it. He grabbed my shoulder with his left hand then started pushing into my pussy slowly but very firmly. I hadn't been spread like this in a very long time and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to take it but finally it just popped in.

I was covering my own mouth as I screamed. He twisted his fist around inside of me making every part of me spread out further and I continued to scream in pain and ecstasy. He started to pull his fist out and then pushed it back in, a little further every time. He kept adding more lube until I looked like an oil slick down there. I lifted my head and saw his fist in my pussy up to just past his wrist and it was beautiful. I lifted my legs and spread them wide to show him I was fully giving up my pussy to him.

"You like being fisted. I bet you like a lot of things inside you. You like all your holes filled, don't you?" I nodded wildly. He twisted his fist and fucked me a little with it.

"Is your ass trained?" he asked. I shook my head. I didn't do much ass play on my own but I was open to it if it pleased my partner.

"Well, we'll work on that," he promised in total seriousness. It was then that I knew he was probably right about us being good together. He was confident and commanding without being cruel or arrogant. He liked to watch me and make me cum. I felt like I wanted to do what he told me to do.

I noticed he hadn't cum yet and I started to worry that I was slacking off. I asked him if he wanted me to suck him until he came but he told me, "Not yet. I'm going to teach you about having patience and discipline. There's so much more pleasure in drawing it out for as long as you can. Tonight you can cum as much as you want. Tomorrow though..." he trailed off.

He fucked my pussy in every position possible for the next hour. Every muscle in my body was tired but when he told me to go swallow his cum, I was on it immediately. I dropped to my knees and opened my mouth wide. "Look at me," he said gruffly. I opened my eyes and he shoved his cock deep then came down my throat. I can't tell you if it was salty or not because I didn't even get to taste it. A huge load of cum hit the back of my throat and slid down it as his cock pumped everything it could out.

He carried me into the bathroom and started the shower. We both stepped in and then he washed every part of me. It was the most sensual and loving experience I've ever had after sex with anyone. We got into bed and I fell asleep like I hadn't slept in years. This wasn't the kinky sex I was looking for but it was a good start.

I knew it was a great start when I woke up the next morning with him between my legs, fucking me. He woke up with wood and decided to take me. He was claiming me as his and was letting me know it. My pussy belonged to him and he was going to give me everything I ever wanted.

*****

Now that you know most of the backstory I'll start telling you about specific experiences I remember until I get to present day. There's lots more good stuff coming up!