*Warning. This story contains violence, pain and urine. If the subject matter is not to your taste then you may prefer not to read further.*
I met my first boyfriend when I was 20 years old. With him I had sex for the first time and I was his first sexual partner too. I remember sex was good. We learned, experimented and were not afraid to make mistakes. More often we had a good laugh rather than a steaming orgasm.
We talked a lot about what we liked in each other, about ourselves and what we considered appealing about others. Looking back we were quite open, masturbated a lot together, often in the strangest places because we both were still living with our parents and we had only very few possibilities to have actual sex.
I was never thin, though back then I weighed at least 60 kilo less than today. The porn my partner looked at was always with very thin girls and his ideal woman was a bit unrealistic. Big boobs, wide thighs but no belly and no skin or stretch marks. Maybe my dreams were equally unreachable but I guess that's what they are dreams for. Yet he started to make remarks, we could go on a diet, maybe, i had a disease that could be treated and if not so maybe I could have liposuction.
After 4 years we had saved enough money and we rented a flat and started decorating it. But not long after we moved in together we split up. For a long time we had to have sex secretly out of the looks of our parents in the car, out in nature or on spare occasions when we were home alone, but suddenly we were able to have sex whenever we wanted, in the comfort of our bed. But there was no sparkling no fire anymore. Tim's comments about my body increased and there were tensions.
My insecurity about my appearance grew and looking back I can not say it was Tim's fault. Maybe it just hit me harder because my body was changing. The firm skin and muscles of my youth were decreasing and gravity hit me. My lack of confidence changed me and I was often depressed and angry. We went separate ways but Tim was and is still a good friend.
Sexually I got out of control. I recognized few men were looking for a big woman to have a relationship with but many wanted to have sex. I subscribed to a sex dating site and due to this I met society in its dirtiest form. A society I was part of, part of the low lifes, perverts and freaks. I had sex with many men and there were some really mentally unstable guy's among them but I didn't care. I didn't care who was between my legs, as long as I got him hard and he wanted to stick his penis inside me everything was fine by me.
This lasted for months and sometimes I had up to 5 bed partners a week. Many men came there just to outlive their fantasy, their fetish or just to have a quick shag. I was treated like a hooker who did not have to be paid and quickly I learned to act like a hooker. To take the lead, give them what they wanted and move on to the next. I never got an orgasm and the best I could hope for was not to be hurt and sometimes have a laugh or some fun. My goal was to find as many men as possible who would see me as fuckable. And to be honest, not all men did. Some walked out on me immediately, some didn't want to be seen with me in public but still wanted to fuck me and some backed off just before things got serious.
I saw and played with all kinds of fetishes. I acted like a corps, treated men like babies, got my feet worshiped and peed over many dicks. I humiliated men, got humiliated, and endured pain up to a certain level. Not as much pain as many men wanted me to endure but certainly more pain than I did to these men. I played mommy, a non, an anime figure and dressed up like an animal. I even did some rape roleplay but one day i was actually the victim of abuse.