People stare at my belly. I'm not sure they even realize they're doing it, but they do. Constantly. I've had curves since I was 13, so you'd think I'd be used to this sort of objectification. I became acclimated to the sorts of stares women in general get, I think, but pregnancy has turned out to be something else entirely. As soon as I started showing about 4 months in, nearly every individual who happens to see me has their eyes glued to my midsection until I manage to get out of their view. By and large, folks don't seem to see pregnancy as in any way a sexual phenomenon (despite how it tends to begin...); it seems to me that, as a result of this, people who may feel embarrassed gawking at a woman under non-gestational circumstances feel entirely within their rights to look an expectant mother thoroughly up and down. "What an exciting time this is for you!" they appear to be thinking: "Let me celebrate on your behalf by attempting to x-ray the fetus with my bare eyeballs." Not at all creepy: thanks, everyone.
Maybe my situation made me particularly sensitive to all this. I was 40 and unmarried, and this had not at all been planned. When I got a positive pregnancy test a few weeks after a one-night stand and a few weeks before my 40th birthday, though, I quickly came to the realization that this could easily end up being my final opportunity to have a child. Motherhood was something I'd always wanted, and I was doing well enough in all but the romantic sector of my life to be able to comfortably manage being a single parent. Nonetheless, doing it on my own was generally not looked upon all that highly, even in our modern, supposedly enlightened world. So, yeah, I guess I did have my back up about the general public's prying glares. I was feeling self-conscious enough about my suspect situation without the world reminding me about my growing belly every three seconds.
It drove me especially crazy at work, where all my colleagues new damn well that I was not, and had not recently been, in a relationship. Both privately and professionally, I'd always preferred wearing more form-fitting clothing. Once I felt my body start to bloat 9 or 10 weeks into the pregnancy, I shifted into much baggier clothing. After being in my job for over a decade and consistently showing up in tight clothing, this sudden change in behavior drew enough staring and behind-my-back whispering that I quickly opted to revert back to my usual wardrobe. If my coworkers hadn't deciphered my condition when I briefly dressed more loosely, they certainly did once my belly unmissably inflated every piece of clothing that touched it.
So began the questions. "Are you doing this on your own?" "Whose is it?" "Did you mean to do this?" "What are you going to do?" Each more grating and more intrusive than the last. The women I worked with were worse than the men, adding to the universal queries an assumption that they were allowed to touch me whenever they pleased. Whenever they came and gave me their pitying smiles, they added unsolicited belly rubs to their claims that "You're going to be such a great mom, even without a man!" Thanks, ladies. With all this attention at work, it became challenging to get any of my actual job done; even more difficult to keep at bay my festering anxieties about the impending baby. Maternity leave could not come soon enough.
I hated going to work, hated going out in public altogether. Previously, I'd delighted in my time at the gym. Now, that was an especially unpleasant-sounding forum for being gawked at. Late in my second trimester and growing ever heavier this deep into the gestation, though, I started to reconsider this position: there was a pool I could use at my gym, and I was desperate to let the water absorb my weight and buoy me for a few blissful minutes. On the drive to the gym before work one Friday morning, I saw an exit for a local beach and just about swerved into the right lane to get off the highway. It was still a pretty chilly time of year, a temperature in which few would brave an ocean dip. I was large with child, though, and consistently overheated. The beach would doubtless contain fewer prying eyes than the gym: and so, a choice was made.
I used the public restroom to change into the relatively form-hiding one-piece I'd purchased at the start of this second trimester, just barely managing to enclose my swollen boobs, butt, and belly in the thin black garment. There were more people than I'd anticipated on the beach: not many, but enough to spoil my strong desire for privacy. I walked the length of the short stretch of sand, hoping a quick stroll might give the other beachgoers a chance to get lost. After making it all the way to one end and back again, I knew I had no such luck. There was, though, a "Clothing Optional Area: Adults Only" sign on one end. Was there anyone foolhardy enough to both visit a chilly beach AND strip down completely nude while doing so? I figured my chances were pretty decent that there was no such person. I had no intention of getting naked myself, of course, but the peace and quiet would be much appreciated over there.
Much to my delight, I found myself all alone in the "Adults Only" area of the beach. I walked a third of the way down this stretch of sand, dropped my towel and keys a few yards from the edge of the water, and carefully started getting my feet wet. It was bracingly cold, but I soldiered on, managing to get my belly fully submerged within two or three minutes. It hung there in the water, buoyant and feeling not entirely of my body. What a delight! It had been weeks since I hadn't felt like I was carrying most of a bowling ball just above my pelvis. I waded in a bit further, ignoring the chill to let the soft waves lap up to my chin. I jumped up and down, over and over again, feeling the detached weight of my bump hang a few seconds longer than the thin air's usual gravity would allow. Free of the heft for a few glorious moments, I couldn't keep the huge, goofy smile off my face.
One thing nagged at me, though: my overly tight one-piece was a little too constraining, preventing me from a true feeling of physical freedom. I pulled it down past my feet, walked a few steps toward the edge of the water (exposing my breasts to the air, but still no human eyes), and tossed the suit onto the sand. I stepped back toward the open ocean, again in all the way up to my chin, then continued to indulge in my delight. I closed my eyes, enjoying the childish act of hopping for a solid five minutes. I held my belly as it softly rose and fell, both palms rubbing it all over. They drifted, naturally, both up and down, soon caressing both swollen breasts and overgrown pubic mound.
My horniness snuck up on me, but felt undeniable in this excitingly natural state I'd found myself in. Two fingers from my left hand eventually settled on firmly pinching my right nipple; two fingers from my right ended up massaging my clit. I'd never attempted underwater masturbation; I was pretty pleased with how well my first foray went. I got myself off quickly and intensely, not shocking given it had been a solid month since I'd climaxed. Even as I shook with the pleasure of it, I tried to keep the orgasm as much to myself as I could, emitting as minimal of vocalizations as was womanly possible. This was still a public space, after all.