I wanted to be taken by surprise. The ideal scenario would be that I'd be going about my day - just walking through the door after work, tidying the house, or being woken up in the middle of the night. Or maybe I'd be downstairs watching TV or reading, oblivious to her pottering about upstairs. And she'd walk in completely naked, apart from a strap-on, and I'd know what was about to happen.
I'd hoped to have forgotten all about the scenario I'd asked her to enact, and for this to be something that at least had the illusion of being instigated by her.
While she had agreed in the past to do what I liked in bed, to indulge me, I had to ask her directly. I think maybe the half dozen times she'd done me like this was too much, or too often - like "what, again??". But I loved her for agreeing to step outside her comfort zone. Perhaps she hated it, but did it for me anyway because of that love.
What I really wanted was for her to be as into the weird stuff I liked, and for her to instigate it herself with a sense of excitement, experimentation, and lack of embarrassment. I liked to imagine that one day she'd just really feel compelled to do it. It felt completely fair though, there's absolutely no reason a couple should have the exact same ideas about sex. And we had a great sex life, but maybe we wanted different things from it sometimes.
I think for her, sex felt more collaborative, more surface - something to giggle along together about, and fumble though. I think she was rooted in the traditional; the usual roles that men and women play together, one on top of the other. I liked the idea of going into a different zone - that sex was something that would take you out of your head, to be something transcendental almost. Sometimes, maybe selfishly, I wanted a kind of sex that was done to you. The submissive talking.
I'm making assumptions on her behalf here. I'm sure she has desires too. Unfulfilled, unexplored, unutterable. Maybe she'll tell me about them one day.
I don't know what she felt about what I liked - she was too polite to shame me. Perhaps she thought it was weird. I thought it was weird to - who knows why we like what we do? I wonder if she looked down on me, thought less of me. It can't be that thrilling to realise your husband wants anal sex. But desires are desires and what is the point in life if they remain unfulfilled?
At least that is the conclusion I'd finally arrived at.
So I've written down in the form of a short story submission to Literotica, a scenario I am too embarrassed to ask for in person. And here it is.
She'd often head up to bed before me. I'd faff about in the kitchen - I loved a good wander around the house, restoring it back to normal for the next day, and then maybe I'd watch 20 minutes of The Office or something easy like that while she read a book upstairs. We both worked hard and we were often tired in the week, but tonight was a Friday and we had an easy weekend ahead of us.