My wife and I continued to see Doctor Stern in the months that followed. We learned how shifting our power dynamic can help her to cope with the childhood sexual trauma that had colored our sex life since we met. I had not even been aware of our dynamic until we explored it with Dr. Stern. She helped us to create a space where my wife was in control and felt safe enough to begin to truly express herself, her wants and desires.
One of the exercises that we had implemented went like this: My wife would have me kneel in front of her naked. She would bind my wrists behind me and slowly undress in front of me. She would determine if the lights stayed on or were off. If they were on she would determine how much of her I could see. Sometimes I would be blindfolded, other times she would strategically cover herself from my gaze. A few times she blessed me with a fleeting full uncovered view before covering up.
My wife would then have full access to my body. She could do whatever she wanted (within reason.) She would caress me, pinch me, use a flogger or a cat-o-nine tails on me. She would roughly pull by face to her pussy and command that I satisfy her by eating her pussy or by drinking her piss. If I managed an erection and she felt the urge she would command that I fuck her or simply ride me bound for as long as I could keep it up.
If I could not manage an erection she would put on the red Sasha harness we had purchased at enticeme.com and choose from the library of Tantus and Vixskin dildos we had in our play chest. She would then reposition me on the bed and bind me to the frame. Sometimes I would be face down, bent over the edge of the bed. Other times, my knees would be fixed towards my chest bound to the bedpost in a restricted missionary position.
She would stuff her damp panties in my mouth while she lubed up my asshole. First one finger, then two. When three were sliding in and out easily I was ready. The fact that I had a raging hard on at that point did not matter... to either of us.
I was already warmed up so no further consideration was given to me. She plunged in all the way to the base with a single stroke while my cries were muffled by her panties. She pounded me relentlessly while shouting things: "take my cock!", "I'm your daddy", "Open that pussy for me." She would come with a roar that had not been part of our lives months ago. If she did not fall asleep, she would play with my dick till I came. If she fell asleep, that job was left to me. I had learned that I could come without having an erection. It always left me wanting more. Like I was cheating or something.
She got so turned on by being in control that she could come just from fucking me. Her orgasms were more reliable from fucking me than even from me eating her pussy. She said that even when I ate her pussy she did not truly feel in control.
I was ecstatic that my wife had begun the process of healing sexually. I felt a great sense of relief that I could be a part of that. I did realize that I was acting as a proxy for the men that had hurt her but that I was allowing her to take herself back from them.
My whole sexual life (I had only had one sexual partner before I met my wife) was trying to avoid triggering my wife's distress. I had suppressed my own desires and even my physical responses to the point that I had become semi-impotent.
Dr. Stern helped me to see that my own emotional scars and learned physical response ran as deep as my wife's. Now that she was on her way to dealing with her issues I could start to work on mine.