The pounding in my temples woke me, but I couldn't muster enough energy to raise my hands to massage them. The harsh light stung my eyes, even through their closed lids. My mouth tasted like a heard of elephants had paraded through it and each had stopped to take a dump. And my stomach . . . well, you get the idea. I had the first hangover of my nineteen-year-old life, and it was a whopper.
Paula, my younger sister by a year and I were staying at the home of Miss Ann Beasley while our parents were off on their second honeymoon. Miss Ann was an elderly, very large black lady who had babysat us when we were younger. Neither of us had complained about staying with her. We loved Miss Ann. She was a great cook, and she would let us do just about whatever we wanted, as long as we were home by bedtime. To top it off, she lived three hundred yards from a beautiful lake tucked back in the East Texas woods. The lake and the forest around it had been our favorite place in the world. It was our own little slice of heaven.
I winced as faint images from the night before began seeping through the fog in my brain. Some of the local kids we'd gotten to know over the years while staying with Miss Ann were throwing a bash on one of the lake's sandy beaches not far from Miss Ann's house. Paula and I had been invited, and Miss Ann had given us permission to stay out a little later than usual. She admonished us "Some them older boys gonna be havin beer and such down there, I reckon. You children mind that you stay clear of that devil's brew."
But as more and more images from the preceding night began coming into focus, it became clear to me that I had not followed her instructions to the letter. My indiscretion had not escaped her notice either. Even worse, Paula had been there to witness the whole thing. I was doomed.
I was fairly certain that I could remember most of what had gone on, at least until a short time after I had lost the beer-guzzling contest. The remainder of the evening was more like a distant slow-motion spinning foggy dream. There were faint memories of me being carried back to Miss Ann's house by two of the other boys. They laid me on the old wooden porch and ran like hell. Paula summoned Miss Ann outside, and the two of them carried me into the house and up the stairs. But believe it or not . . . it gets worse—much worse.
Just as they flopped me down on my bed, the room started spinning. I knew that I was going to throw up, or pee myself, or both, so I struggled to get to my feet. It was a pitiful and fruitless endeavor, so I was forced to tell them what I feared was about to happen.
"Best get the boy off this good carpet before he does the deed." Miss Ann said. So they hoisted me back to my feet, putting one of my arms over each of their shoulders and half carried, half drug me down the hall. The upstairs toilet was broken, but they took me there anyway.
I was aware that the bathtub was in front of me—at least it was when the spinning room past by it. "My, my, what we gots to do for our men folk. You take note, child. Your day's a comin".
I couldn't lift my chin from my chest, so I saw more than felt my pants being unbuckled, unzipped and tugged down a bit. "Best see that he don't mess the floor." I heard Miss Ann's voice say just as her hand came into view and slid under my flaccid dick. She lifted it just enough to point it over the edge of the tub. "Be gettin your business done now boy, else we just gonna leave you in the tub and you can be cleaning your own nasty self up come morning."
She didn't have to tell me twice. I let loose a very long and relieving stream of pee that I knew wasn't going to subside anytime soon. I sighed with relief as I watched it arc up and hit the wall behind the tub. It wasn't until I heard Paula let out a silly giggle that I remembered she was who my other arm was draped over. That reality sent a violent gush of vomit erupting from me. I was vomiting and pissing at the same time, and I couldn't stop either expulsion.
The recollection made me mumble, "Ho . . . ly shit!" over my heavily elephant-shit coated tongue. I prayed for an additional few hours of sleep, hoping against hope that I would wake up again and find that it had all been a terrible, sickening nightmare.
* * *
It was early afternoon when I woke up again. Deciding that I'd have to face both Paula and Miss Ann sooner or later, I got up and made my way down the hall to the bathroom, fully expecting to find that I had a big mess to clean up before I could take a shower. I was very pleasantly surprised to find the bathroom spotless.
I was alone in the house, so I decided to go down to the lake. Once there, and since the bright summer sun was stinging my still sensitive eyes, I found a nice shady spot and lay down in the sand. Soon, I dozed off again.
I don't know how long I slept, but when I finally opened my eyes, Paula was sitting cross-legged on the sand beside me. When she saw that I was waking up, her lips turned up into a shit-eating grin. It was lucky for her that she didn't say anything. If she had, I probably would have knocked that grin right off of her face. After all, I was already in so much trouble that I didn't think hitting her would make it any worse. "I don't want to talk about it." I said sternly, preempting whatever she might have been considering saying.
Paula let out a giddy laugh and then said just as sternly "I don't really give a shit what you want or don't want. You owe me big time, and wow, do I mean biiiiiiig time."
"What do I owe you for? You didn't do anything."
"Like hell I didn't. Oh, I forgot. You were already passed out cold by the time me and Miss Ann started cleaning up your filthy disgusting mess."
I was astonished "You did that—helped her, I mean?" She didn't answer, but just cocked her head and told me with her expression that she had. Then she punctuated it by opening her mouth and pretending to stick her finger down her throat.
There was a long silence and then Paula broke it by letting out a giggle. "What?" I demanded.
She looked like it was all she could do to keep from bursting out laughing "Oh, nothing. I was just conjuring up the image of you in front of the tub, your arms draped over our shoulders, your pants down at your knees, and your dick in Miss Ann's hand, shooting a huge stream of piss into the air. That's all." And then she completely lost it, pounding the sand with her hand as she laughed and snorted.
"Ha Ha" I said sarcastically. "Go ahead, laugh it up. You're going to fuck up one of these days and then I'm going to be the one doing the laughing."
When her laughter subsided, she got up and brushed the sand from her ass and legs. Then she peered down at me and said "Just remember, you owe me big time, and I'm going to be collecting real soon."
"What?" I called after her as she strode away.
She didn't look around "Don't worry, you'll find out when I'm ready." And she started laughing again. I could still hear her laughing all the way back to Miss Ann's house.
* * *
I woke the next morning to someone poking me in the shoulder. "Wake up, sleepy head."
When my mind cleared, Paula peered down at me with a wicked grin on her face "Okay, here's the deal. I want to do what Miss Ann did. I want to hold your dick while you pee into the air. It's either that, or I'm going to tell mom and dad about the other night. So, which will it be?"
"What?" I asked, astonished at what I thought I'd heard.
"You heard me. Now, do we have a deal or not?"
"Why would you want to--"
"It's none of your business why. We either have a deal or we don't . . . so, what's it going to be?"
"I'm not sure I und--"
"Shit, are you dense or something? I told you the deal. I'm not going to repeat it. So what's your answer?"
"I can't believe you want to do something like--"
"Shut up and answer the question."
I thought about it for a few seconds. There was no doubt in my mind that she would tell our parents. That would be just like her. Then it hit me "It's not your call. Miss Ann will tell them anyway. So there."
She slapped my shoulder hard. "No she won't. In fact, she specifically told me not to tell them. She said . . . what was it, oh yeah, "He's a man-boy, child, and for some reason, God just saw fit to make them act a fool now and again . . . some more often than others . . . but seems they all gots ta do it."
"So, choose now. You have fifteen seconds."
