We Don't Need No Stinin' Curtains!

I have this remarkably good looking woman who lives across the street from me. She really loves her husband. I can tell, because when she talks to him, she always does it with an emphatic amount of volume in a very impassioned way so that even I can hear it from my house with the window closed while down in the basement. I love noisy women. Apparently so does her husband, because he responds the same way each time to her boisterous chattering: a vigorous shaking of his head with steam coming out his ears, while ejaculating loud and urgent bursts to the contrary of anything she says. Oh, and for the dirty-minded individuals who might be reading this, there are two versions of the word ejaculate. I was of course using the other less offensive definition. This isn't base porn or anything we're writing here.

Okay, so I might have lied about that last part.

But even though they both yell constantly at each other with considerable strain and amplitude (a sure sign they've been married for more than five years), they actually do have redeeming qualities. For one, as I mentioned, she is a true hottie. But they also have the incredibly persistent ability to forget to close their bedroom curtains. And by forgetting to close their bedroom curtains, I should really say they never bothered purchasing curtains for their bedroom in the first place! I get to see it all, and constantly. Undressing, folding laundry while topless, blabbing on the phone while topless, doing everything while topless, you name it. I've even watched her fondle her breasts in the mirror when she gets up in the morning. And because despite not having curtains they still decide to leave the lights on when getting intimate, I get to see every possible sex act known to mankind on a nightly basis. As a result I disconnected my broadband, because the porn across the street is free, and it is real, as are the swaying breasts. That saves me $34.95 per month, which of course I use up on lotion and tissues anyways, so it's a wash.

Now, for those who have read my other writings, it is no secret that I am one of the biggest exhibitionists on the planet. I know my trade, and the saying in our trade goes: it takes one to know one. Let me tell you, these folks are first ballot hall of fame exhibitionists. I mean, lights on, and no curtains at all, with huge windows that go down below the waist so you can see every damned thing? I worship their brazen boldness. I once awarded them the 2001 Most Obvious Exhibitionist of The Year award. That is not to say I am complaining in anyway, I would wholly advise that all hotties out there learn from these folks and scrap their curtains.

My neighbors are insatiable animals when it comes to what happens in their bed. And with the lights on I get to see it all. Cunnilingus, fellatio, titty fucking, handjobs, facials, doggy style, penguin style, etc etc etc. I'm not even going to go into the time I saw her with a strapon... They are diverse in their sex acts on a nightly basis, so each evening that I tune in I never know what new show they have in store for me. The one downside of having neighbors this frisky, frequent and blatant, is that it is hard to watch the end of any game. As a northern New Jersey male, you have no idea how difficult it is to decide if I should watch the final two minutes of the tied Giants-Cowboys game, or catch the score on the radio later so I can see her butt up in the air as she gets pounded from behind by her husband with reckless abandon. I haven't watched the end of many games lately. I can live with that.

Fortunately we both live at the end of a dead end street so I am the only one who can look into their window like this. Which is good because it keeps some jealous wife from calling the police on them because she caught her husband with his willie out while looking at Mrs. Hottie across the way. I once thought of calling the police on them myself. My friend is a cop, and I'm sure he'd love to see her in the nude doing all these nasty things. But then the two of us haven't talked in a while. Whenever he calls me, I'm in the middle of watching the neighbors bonking, and can't come to the phone right now. Please leave your name and a short message after the beep, and I might get back to you after I clean all this ejaculate up... unless of course they are beginning round two, in which case I'll talk to you tomorrow.

I've always wondered which would be hotter to watch, a gorgeous blond doing all manner of things with her husband, or a gorgeous blond doing all manner of things to herself when he isn't around. I've recently discovered I don't give a shit what manner of things she is doing to whomever, as long as she is still doing it, because either way she has my undivided attention. A few months ago I realized that an hour or so after they have wild sex, and he's upstairs sleeping, she goes down to the computer room, gets naked and masturbates to erotica on the internet. The web page layout on her laptop monitor looks eerily similar to Literotica.com. If it indeed is Literotica that she is visiting, then she/you could well be reading your own neighbor's story right now. So if she/you are a hot blond with an English accent, live on a dead end street and have a single guy next door with a beard and big binoculars permanently attached to his face, please give me/him a call. He wants to thank you for the show.