I have this next story mapped out from top to bottom, a tale of a modest actress in an immodest film. I'll do part two and gauge reactions from there, on whether to pursue it to the end. I'm digging the way I'm building the characters, but be warned: it's a slow burn, and may turn some of you off. This first part is entirely softcore.
Comments and criticism always welcome.
***
"The Naked Six-Shooter" is a grindhouse, cult classic, borne during the last throes of the midnight drive-ins. In fact, it was released the same year I was born, too. It mixed T&A, with a competent story. In this case, one of revenge and family justice. And it was helmed by a very competent director, Elmore Jenkins. Although he was almost 40 years old at the time, it was Elmore's first stab at directing his own film, and he vaulted to fame following its release.
For all its over-the-top sequences, The Naked Six-Shooter was fast-paced and fun to watch. Not to mention, the lead actress, Leah Thymes, was easy on the eyes. She went on to have a wildly successful and prosperous career, too. Elmore and Leah are A-listers, no doubt, easily on par with celebrities like Spielberg, and Helen Mirren, comparatively.
Leah Thymes played a huge influence on my career, too. When I got my first repeating role in a sitcom (albeit, a small part), fans noticed I mirrored Leah's mannerisms in many ways. Which is why the contract I was looking at, should have come as little surprise to me. I was being offered the role of Jane Parker in the remake of The Naked Six-Shooter.
Thirty-five years after its initial release, Elmore Jenkins was once again directing the project, announcing it would be his retirement picture. The only difference was, instead of being a bare-bones production like the first film, this was going to be the biggest Western of the decade. I had no choice but to accept the part... or so my agent was telling me.
Even though I vowed I would never do nudity...
But there was another reason that pushed me. Leah Thymes agreed to come on board, too, this time taking the role of Jane Parker's mother, Mary Ellen. In the original, Mary Ellen appears to be the central character of the film, for about the first forty minutes. It's a bit of a bait and switch, so the audience gets emotionally attached to Mary Ellen before her violent death. I'd seen the film at least four times, and thought back on the plot, and some of the key scenes:
***
A thuggish, cowboy gang is bullying Mary Ellen to sell her hand, just days after she has buried her husband, Peter Graves. She was living on the land with Jane's family, and explained to the crew, "My daughter, Jane, and her husband, Buck... they live here, too. We're making a life on this ranch, with or without my husband. Go tell your boss I'm not leaving, and that's that, no matter he offers."
The thing was, the boss wasn't offering half what the land was worth, and Mary Ellen knew it. As the cowboy-bullies left, they kicked down a fence and lit a tree on fire, vowing to return to "talk" some more sense into her. Refusing to back down, Mary Ellen goes to the sheriff for help, only to discover he is allied with the town boss, and that's when the picture turns dark.
During the opening scenes, the sheriff comes off as heroic, and empathetic to Mary Ellen's plight. It appears as if he has a genuine interest in courting Mary Ellen, perhaps after she has time to grieve the loss of her husband. We discover the sheriff's true nature when he assaults and murders Mary Ellen. He then sends his goons to take care of the rest of the family, including Jane.
Jane's newborn son and husband, Buck Parker, are killed in the attack, while Jane is nearly raped, and left for dead. However, Buck managed to kill one of the goons, just before he was shot. Unfortunately, being taken by surprise, outnumbered, and out-powered, Jane is unable to do anything, before she passes out from a blow to the head.
The next scene is the most famous: a surreal trip into Jane's mind, while she is unconscious. Most revenge flicks have something like a training montage, or some scene where the hero meticulously prepares for the final showdown. The Naked Six-Shooter had a far different twist.
Jane Parker has no experience with guns, or fighting, or violence of any kind, but in the dream sequence, she finds herself buried, having to crawl her way out of a gritty, grimy, dark hole. She is frantically digging and scraping, all while naked, bloody and bruised. Her sobs and crying turn to anger and determination, and finally silence. There is a light, and Jane knows she must reach it. She pulls herself out and gets to her knees.
She is still naked. Cold. Alone. As Jane begins to stand, she sees the ground beneath her isn't dirt or stone, but flesh. Piles and piles of bodies. And bullet casings. Jane looks to her hands, and they are holding two guns. She instantly flicks the hammers back, as if skilled with decades of practice. She turns to the light. Standing far away in it, Jane sees her enemy, the man who took her family. She snaps her arms up to take aim... and then wakes up.
Jane instantly gets to her feet, still naked and dirty. The camera follows her footsteps, pulling back, as we witness how fast, efficient, and focused she is, as if driven by a supernatural force. Jane takes the gun and holster from the dead man, puts them on, and goes outside to find her horse.
In technical terms, the film was way ahead of its time, as it is shown in real time from this point forward. It's a 40-minute murder-spree, as the audience follows Jane exacting her revenge. It is filled with fantastic gun fights, knife fights, and one very naked woman dropping man after man, reloading with their own guns and bullets. The movie had some of the best action sequences of its time.
***
I know I wouldn't be bored working on this project, but I was nervous. Beyond nervous. I stared at the contract in front of me. "I'm not sure I can do this, " I said to my agent, Walter Manning, who was sitting across from me in his office.
"You have to. You are perfect for the role. How long have you been begging to have a chance at stardom? And come on. You share the same first name as the leading lady. It's destiny!"
My name was Jane Porter, and that was purely by coincidence. I don't think my parents once saw The Naked Six-Shooter, being the conservative, overtly religious types they were. I suppose my upbringing influenced my modesty today. I rolled my eyes at Walter. "Yeah, well, you also believe in magic crystals and voodoo. Destiny, schmestiny, Walter. There is so much nudity. This could turn into a Showgirls!"
"With Elmore directing it again? No chance."
I paused. "And I'm the only one naked in the whole film, Walter. It's going to be so embarrassing..."
"Jane, come on. Leah did it, and she won an Oscar last year. It was her first leading picture, too."
"She did it back when they shot the entire film in eight days. This is going to be NINE WEEKS."
"Calm down. They're professionals. Now sign the damn contract."
Again, what choice did I have? They were offering me seven figures, which was the final nail in the coffin on this decision, and my first real payout. No longer would I have to scrape by. If the film was half as successful as the original, I'd go on to even bigger roles, just like Leah had done. Then again, it could be another Showgirls, and that film ended careers.
Without thinking it over any further, I signed the paper. Now the world was going to see Jane Porter, playing the famous role of Jane Parker, naked. Folks were in for a big surprise.
***
There's a teen comedy from the '80s called 'Just One Of The Guys' I believe. The plot goes something like this: the main character has to disguise herself as a man to get a job, or some promotion. Anyway, while doing so, she develops a romantic interest in a new friend, and in a desperate attempt to reveal who she is, she flashes her tits to him. I remember my brother's reaction when he saw that scene for the first time. We'd been watching the film together.
"Holy shit! Those cans are WAY bigger than I expected."
Certainly, the actress had "tied them down" when she was disguised as a male, but the reason I am telling this story, is because every time I get undressed in front of someone, their reaction is very much the same as my brother's was, back when he saw that movie with me.
I'm a C-cup, bordering a D. It's considered on the larger side of things in this industry, though anyone who has worked with me would probably guess I'm a B-cup. I hide it for a reason. See, most mainstream actresses are A and B cups. There are a few in the C range, but once you get into Ds and beyond... well, there just aren't many actresses that make it big (no puns intended) in Hollywood. Not with those proportions. I planned to get a reduction in the future, but in the meantime, I wore tight fitting bras that packed the flesh in such a manner, as to make me appear smaller than I really am.
My breasts, in their natural state, are attractive, I suppose. But you rarely see any like mine in the glamour magazines. Rather than looking like basketballs, or being hard as stone, mine are soft and teardrop in shaped, quite full at the bottom. The nipples are larger and darker than average, and positioned higher on the flesh than most girls. I thought it looked a bit "unnatural" that way, but what could I do?
Like most people, I have features that aren't considered "conventionally" attractive, and also, like most people, I fret over it. I pretend not to, but imperfections suck. My therapist is the only one who knows I have these thoughts about myself. I suppose I should be talking to him at some point. I would need it, in preparation for this role. I reminded myself to set an appointment as soon as possible.
Walter gave me a book he'd prepared with a schedule. "You'll be sent the script on Monday. Also Monday, Frank Zimms will be meeting you at your apartment. He'll be your personal trainer throughout."
