To Worship

"Darlin' if you want me to be closer to you, get closer to me," the lyrics flowed from my lips like honey as I looked out the kitchen window. My arms were wrist-deep in disgusting soapy dishwater but my heartfelt alight with pure joy.

"God, I love that song," said a silky sweet masculine voice. It was my husband, and he was standing behind me. He put his arms around me, holding me close as he moved his lips to my neck. His mouth felt electric, with every breath sending shivers down my spine.

I turned to see him, looking into his beautiful eyes. "Are you hungry?" my own voice sounded years younger. (Yeah, this had to be a dream.)

"Nah, babe," Josh said with a smile. "I just wanted to hear you sing." He pressed his lips to my ear. "Darlin' if you want me to be," his voice lowered to a whisper, "closer to you, get closer to me. Darlin' if you want me to love, love only you, then love only me." Josh ended his words with a tender kiss to my neck, gently sucking on my jaw.

I wanted so badly to take him to the bedroom; to make love to my husband's body in his prime. But it was not to be. I awoke alone in my bed, with Pup licking my neck. I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry. The bloodhound placed her head on the bed, whimpering in the most adorable way. It was enough to melt my heart. "You're a good dog, let's get you some breakfast."

As the dog ran ahead, I splashed water on my face before heading out to the living room. I made sure to pour a couple of scoops of dry food in Pup's bowl, along with a coffee cup's worth of sinkwater. The resulting mush always reminded me of breakfast cereal. "I'll try to get you something else later."

Josh was asleep on the sofa, resting his head on Tomas's lap. A very familiar song was playing on the ancient cd player. "...was a time, when I would come running. I'd drop everything for the touch of your hand in mine."

Tomas sighed, leaning his head back. "It's been playing on a loop for the past few hours."

"Oh?" I took a step closer to stroke my husband's sleeping face.

"Something about the calm melody seems to bring him comfort."

"It was our wedding song, our first dance."

Tomas nodded as if he was already aware of that fact. "I can certainly see that."

"I think it was his father's favorite song; one of those old ballads that can either be about loving Jesus or wild sex."

"Are you talking about 'Get Closer' by Seals and Crofts?" Tomas laughed. "I'm not sure that's completely accurate, but we can agree to disagree."

Josh, eyes still closed, parted his lips to speak. "I want to see my pa."

Tomas glance at me with a look of confusion. "Josh's father is buried in Texas, right?"

"Yeah," I replied. "At a place near San Antonio."

Josh's eyes blinked open, his eyelids fluttering. "Yes, that's what I want."

"Um, ok." My husband was in a lot of pain, it would have been cruel to say no. And it seemed Tomas agreed. "It's only about a ten-hour drive."

Tomas picked up his cell phone. "Should be do-able, I just need to set a few things up."

I assumed he meant renting a van and possibly picking up extra nutrition bags for Josh's feeding tube. "Does the rented van have a GPS?"

"No, but my phone does. Judging by what I'm seeing on Google maps, we can safely make it to the San Antonio area by the end of the day. If you'll watch Josh for a few minutes I can pick up enough supplies for the trip and swing by the hotel to pick up Christi."

"Unless she's already on her way," I said, just as I heard a car pull into our driveway.

"So she is," he said with a chuckle. "I'll be sure to fill her in on our plan." Tomas gently moved Josh's head from his lap, making sure my husband was comfortable on a nearby memory foam pillow. True to his word, when Tomas left, I could see him talking to Christina before driving off on what appeared to be a motorcycle of some kind.

My daughter was giddy with excitement as she scampered through the door, squealing with more energy than a woman in her third trimester had any right to have. "We're going to Texas!"

"Do you need to go back to your hotel room to pack anything?" I asked. "Change of clothes, medications?"

"No, I should be good, I keep most of my things in the car," she said as she took Tomas's place on the sofa. "Oh! I love this song!I knew better than to argue with a pregnant woman. "I'm just going to pack up a few snacks for the dog."

The road trip wasn't very long. Tomas drove for the first leg, passing through Louisiana, but once we made it to the San Antonio metro area, I took the wheel. I had a vague idea of where the cemetery was, but admittedly it had been years since Josh and I had made the drive out to see his father's grave.

The desert was vast and mundane; miles and miles of cactus and sand until I saw a wooden sign. "Razor's Edge, Memorial cemetery."

"Isn't this place owned by great-aunt Gracie?" Christina asked from the backseat.

"I think she owns the land," I replied from behind the wheel as we passed by even more large desert expanses. Grace was Josh's father's sister, a total western cowgirl bad-ass if I'd ever seen one. The first time I met her was when Christina was born. She was funny, sweet, and kind. Almost makes me feel bad that the last time we met was at the funeral for Josh's father when she put her older brother into the ground.

"What's with the name?" Tomas asked, sitting in the passenger seat, with Josh's service dog on his lap. "Razor's Edge? Seems very punk rock."

"That's one way to describe it," I muttered. Razor's Edge was not an ordinary cemetery but rather an art installation watched over by several generations of Josh's nomadic family. "It's not really a place of business, more of a tourist trap. You'll see when we get there."

"I suppose I will," Tomas replied, cracking open a window to let in the warm Texas air.

I glanced up at the setting sun. We probably had about an hour left of daylight. "Do you think we should look for a hotel before it gets dark?"

"I guess," Tomas said with a shrug. "Do you know of any places around here?"

Josh's dog had other plans. The animal was groaning, pawing at the door; she needed to use the bathroom and if I didn't pull over, she'd be willing to go to town on the floor of the rented van.

"Worse comes to worst we can sleep in the van," Christina suggested.

"Fine, just keep the dog occupied until we can make it to the cemetery." I already knew that was a tall order given Pup's advanced age. Following the signs, I pulled in to a parking lot with just six spaces, marked out with wooden placards. No sooner did I turn off the engine when I heard a familiar voice.

"Carolina? Do my eyes deceive me?" An older woman wearing a large sunhat, tank top, and shorts emerged from a nearby dilapidated trailer.

"Grace?" I got out of the van to shake her hand. "Wow, is that really you? It's been too long!"

"Oh, come on, I don't look that much older. Or at least I don't feel older. This place has a way of making time stand still." She lifted her hat to get a better look at Christina as my daughter exited the van. "Little Christi? You're as big as a house!"

"Um, thanks, Auntie Grace," Christi said with a laugh. Looking out at the cemetery, the night had fallen making navigation nearly impossible. "Are there any lights, or maybe a flashlight we could borrow?"

"I was just about to get right on that," Grace said as she casually walked to a nearby wooden pole. It looked like an average light post but when she lifted a large metal bar, the entire acre of land was illuminated like a State Fair. "So, what brings you'll out my way?"

Tomas emerged with Josh in his wheelchair. "Hello, I'm Tomas, Josh's nurse."

Grace's smile fell. she cupped her hands over her mouth, fighting back tears. "Oh my poor baby why didn't you tell me you were sick?"

Josh had no valid answer. "I-I didn't think you cared."

Grace threw her arms around him, unable to control her tears. "I missed you so much. There is not a day that goes by when I don't think of you and your family." She took a step back, allowing him to see the beauty of the lights. "Can I take you to see your Daddy's grave?"

Josh nodded. "I'd like that."

Grace's smile returned. "Well come on then!"

I walked with Tomas while Christina kept up with Josh and his service dog (who thankfully went to the bathroom in the parking lot). All around us were metal sculptures; a butterfly, an eagle, a warrior-like flamingo, and even a dragon. "Grace has certainly added to this place. If I'm not mistaken it all runs off a gas-powered generator." That explained why Grace parked her trailer so close to the entrance, she likely only wanted to turn on the light show when she knew she had visitors.

"This is one of my favorite pieces," Grace explained as she led us to a sculpture in the back. "Only the best for my brother." From a distance, the piece looked like a wolf howling at the moon. The creature stood at least ten feet tall, towering over its visitors.

On closer inspection, I could tell that the animal was not howling at the moon, but rather gazing towards the highway with a stern, closed mouth expression. "Wow, this is impressive work." The figure itself was made of what appeared to be scrap metal. I could see where the parts were welded together using thick but precise lines. During the day, the wolf alone would have been a photo-worthy sight, however, the night brought about a truly magnificent spectacle. The creature was lit from below with a bright blue hue. This gave the illusion of added height as if he was looking out over his land. Wrapped around the body were string lights, placed to mimic the texture and depth of fur.

Josh seemed too sick to walk, but at the sight of the wolf, he suddenly had the strength to stand. Pup rushed to Josh's side, allowing him to put his weight on her as he knelt down.

"Your dad was always the lone wolf of the family," Grace said as she patted his back. "That was why it was all the more shocking when he married your mother. She was a prostitute, a one-night stand," Grace paused to wipe tears from her eyes. "Sorry, no offense to you or your family."

"No offense taken," Josh said with a hearty laugh.

"Your papa, he wanted so badly to be the father you deserved. I remember the day he brought you home; you were his miracle, his perfect little boy."

"Excuse me," Tomas said as he awkwardly raised his hand like a student in a classroom. "Are those car parts?"

"Yes, they are," Grace proudly replied. "Took me well over a year to complete this beautiful boy, but all along the way truckers were gifting me little bits and pieces of their rigs."

I was picturing a sea of truckers making their way to Razor's Edge, to pay homage to a fallen comrade. "That's kind of cool."

"Yes, it is," Grace said as she placed her hand on the wolf's arm. "Visitors gave me everything from parts that needed to be replaced or even stuff that they just had laying around. Kind of makes this wolf the patron saint of truckers."

Josh, with the help of his service dog, placed his hand on the statue's chest. "Hi, Pop. I'm sorry it's been so long. I've been trying to do good by you." My husband closed his eyes as if to pray. "I strained to walk the path of righteousness. But the devil haunts my soul."

I looked to Tomas for a reaction. "I'm not crazy, you heard that too, right?"

Tomas walked towards Josh, kneeling beside him. they exchanged words, silent prayers, and finally: a bag of weed. Of course, Tomas had weed. After a few moments, Josh and Christi were saying goodbye to Grace.

I took the time to make my way back to the van, to try and look up a hotel on Tomas's smartphone. It wasn't difficult to find a Truckstop motel with a decent amount of vacancies.

I wanted a first-floor room, in case of any emergency, but that left us with a single queen-sized bed. While everyone unpacked and got settled in, Josh rolled his wheelchair outside to the small gated off patio. I followed him, staying out of sight, just to make sure he was safe. From the open doorway, I watched as he took out a joint and a Bic lighter. He lit the joint, letting it burn for a few seconds. "The night's sure beautiful." Josh then took a long drag, holding the smoke in his lungs as he closed his eyes in pure ecstasy.

"Yeah, it is," I replied softly.

Josh nodded. His mind clearly lost in thought. "The only reason I was allowed to come home was because I was having seizures," he said with a forced laugh.

I could see his hands were trembling. "You don't have to talk about it. Suzanne is gone, she doesn't matter anymore." That was perhaps the stupidest thing I could have said.

Josh gripped his chest, as if his heart was in pain. When he started to cough, I made sure to grab the joint from his hand before he could fling it towards the parking lot.

"Momma convinced Suzanne if I died in their care they'd go to jail. But she always wanted to come back for me."

I wanted to know who he was referring to; his mother or Suzanne? Who was coming back? "Let's go to bed, baby." I slowly reached for his hand, careful to not cause any further emotional trauma. "It'll be alright."

To my surprise, Josh simply nodded. "You're right, 'lina, you're right." He put out his joint on a nearby wall and started to roll himself back in the room before I could ask the obvious question; since when does he shorten my name to 'lina?

The sleeping situation had been settled; Christina would sleep on the recliner while Tomas would sleep on the floor along with Josh's service dog. Their selflessness would allow for Josh and I to take the bed.

"Hey, 'Lina could you give me a hand?"

I turned to see Josh attempting to get undressed while still in his chair. "Sure." I helped him out of his shirt, walking my fingers down his chest. It was then I realized I didn't pack any sleep clothes; not for myself or Josh. I could sleep in my underwear, but my husband's compromised immune system would be an issue. "Hey, Josh, baby, are you going to be warm enough?"

"I'll be fine," he said, as he got under the blankets all on his own. "This is Texas, it's hot as balls out here."

"Ok." I made myself comfortable facing away from my husband so we could both sleep without distraction. I closed my eyes but just as I felt relaxed enough to fall asleep, I felt a pair of hands on my waist, followed by the sensation of my husband's breath on my neck. He was spooning. "Are you alright, Josh? Are you in pain?" There was no reply, only the distinct sound of snoring. "Lovely, just lovely," I sighed. I had to admit it felt nice. I allowed my eyes to close, taking in the soothing warmth of his breath. He was still alive, that was all that mattered.

In my dreams, I was back at the world's most interesting cemetery. It was as mesmerizing as when we left, but something felt different. Looking down, I could see I was wearing a long shimmery silver gown, looking like I just stepped out of a perfume ad. The animals came to life, greeting me with curtsies and bows as I walked by. The whole scene was very Disney, when suddenly everyone froze, looking towards the road.

In the distance, I could hear a motorcycle. I knew, in his prime, Josh had always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson. Life had just gotten in the way. As the figure on the bike approached, I couldn't help but wonder; would I see a vision of my husband in his prime or the road-weary soldier who carried the weight of the world on his shoulders? This was my dream, maybe I could sculpt a vision that was the perfect blend of both; a beautiful rebellious spirit, with mature, seductive masculinity.

The rider approached, pulling up right beside me. He drifted for a moment, making a design in the dirt before coming to a stop. He removed his onyx-black helmet in slow-motion, as the moonlight bathed his face in a sensual glow. Josh was older, post-military, with dark blond hair long enough to run his fingers through, and a sexy unshaven face. Looking into his eyes I could see the soft wrinkles that framed his smile. "Hey 'lina."

"Hey, Babe." I licked my lips as I approached my Hell's Angel.

"You want to go for a ride?"

I took a seat on his lap, facing him. I wanted to wrap my legs around his hips but my dress was a bit too long. "I want a ride," I said, ripping off the entire skirt of my gown. "If you get my drift."

He placed his hands on my bare thighs. "That can be arranged."

I scooted closer as I undid his belt. Unzipping his fly felt like unwrapping a gift. Josh's impressive hard-on was pressed against his stomach, just begging to be touched. The first time we made out I'd given him a hand job, using only spit for lube. The act of combining my saliva with his pre-cum was so fucking sexy. And now, doing it on a bike was even hotter. I worked his shaft, making sure to play with the tip (just to hear him moan.) I knew what I wanted; I was going to bring him to the edge. I wanted my husband to be moments away from blowing his load, just to tell him no. "You can't cum without my permission."

Josh gasped for air as he looked down at his throbbing member. "Whatever you need."

"Take off my panties." I moved his hands to my ass, allowing him to grip me nice and tight. In doing so, I somehow managed to maneuver out of my underwear just enough to let him slip inside me.

Immediately the climax was intense; a powerful energy radiating from my hips, enveloping me in its ethereal embrace. I cupped my husband's face, kissing his tender pouty lips. Although his mouth was chapped and surrounded by facial hair the texture of straw, he tasted so good. I slipped in my tongue and held the kiss as I rode out my orgasm.

Josh pulled away for a moment, to take a gulp of air. "Carolina, you are so fucking sexy. How did I ever get so lucky to have a girl like you?"

"I love you too, Babe."

Josh moved his lips to my ear, giving my lobe a gentle bite. "Can I cum in your ass?"

"Yeah, I'd like that." I got off the bike, fully prepared to lean over with my legs spread.

Josh manhandled me with more force than I'd felt in a while. He then picked up his belt and started to whip me down my naked exposed back, to my ass. "You like that?"

"Yes, oh God yes."

"Yes who?" he asked as he spread my legs, stroking the leather strap along my inner thigh.

"Yes, Daddy," I said with a giggle. I hadn't called him that for well over a decade.

"Damn right." Josh slid his cock into my ass, thrusting a few times to get a rhythm going.

Before I knew it, he was pounding me harder than I'd ever experienced. Had this not been a dream I would have been begging for mercy. Overcome with pleasure, I raised my chin, to look out at the field. I was expecting to see the metal creatures watching or perhaps making love to each other. Instead, I saw Tomas.

He was standing before me, half-naked, wearing just a pair of pants the color of hospital scrubs. The way the light-framed his body, he actually appeared to have wings. Tomas reached out his hand, running his fingers through my hair before giving it a hard yank. "You be a good girl, Carolina. Just take it all in."

I knew he was referring to Josh's cock in my ass but I couldn't help myself. "Can I have your cock?"

Tomas floated closer. "Is that truly what you want?" His erection was clearly visible. It would have been so easy for me to reach for him, to take his massive cock in my mouth. After all, I had already had him inside me once.

"No," I said while biting my lip. "I want you to make him blow his load."

"As you wish, my queen." When Tomas left my line of sight, I couldn't see what he was doing but I could feel it.

Josh climaxed over and over, filling my ass until his cum trickled down my thighs. I could hear my husband moaning, crying, finishing with a deep guttural noise. Was someone choking him?