"HEY MAN?!!" Someone called out to me from the opposite side of the residential street. It was semi-busy the first week of spring break filled with groups of kids milling about. Someone had been yelling at me for a minute as I strolled drinking a cheap soda.
"HUH, WHAT?!!" I looked in the direction of the person yelling finding some tall lanky kid across the street towering over a few of his peers which including a few rough looking girls as well. All of them looked no older than fourteen or fifteen. They were partially obscured by a few parked cars on the opposite side of that street.
"YOU WON!!"
"WON WHAT?!!" I yelled back annoyed shrugging arms open.
"THE WET T-SHIRT CONTEST NIGGA!!" Several water balloons came flying through the air before I even had time to react striking my torso and one of my legs. A single balloon exploded off my temple as their laughter echoed.
"What the fuck?" I smelled my hand realizing some if not all of those balloons were filled with piss as the kids started running off laughing. A few feet away some couple was standing there busting up at my predicament along with a mailman.
I saw red.
"COME HERE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!" I took off running across the street drenched and smelling of urine trying to catch anybody, but the juvenile rogues scattered disappearing between the row houses leaving that lanky kid.
We ended up in an epic chase which ended when the adrenaline fueled punk outdistanced me hitting an immediate right at the end of block. I caught up just in time to see the asshole running into a three story apartment building that had a huge group of gangbangers loitering out front.
That was a wrap. I had no clue what apartment he lived in and the phalanx of ten or more criminal looking guys presented a problem I didn't want in the least. So I was obliged to walk the four or more blocks back to my house after leaving it due to irritation from my siblings.
One of my sister's friends was tying the knot and she had been pegged as a bridesmaid along with a cousin and one of their mutual friends. From the moment they arrived several shopping bags in tow already screaming and fighting, my home had become a no fly zone. I'd gone down to the store for a drink I didn't need and secured a movie from a rare Redbox vending machine in the hood.
I was worried that my odorous state would invite more ridicule from my peers hoping my mother wasn't home from a half day of work yet. This wedding was supposed to be a mini-royal affair because the groom's family was supposedly loaded to the gills. We were invited as part of the brides side of things so because of that, the modest two story duplex I lived in became ground zero.
I wanted to go despite the chaos in my home because I honestly wanted to see how rich people lived. The whole thing was taking place on the far north side of town at some estate. I was already thinking of the pics I would post on my social media.
"I'm home!" I yelled opening the door with the key hung around my neck. No one answered which was a boon to me because I didn't have to explain myself or why I reeked of urine.
I hit the stairs up to the second floor of my house where the kid's rooms were situated. My parents idea for this was that we wouldn't be able to sneak out without them catching us because they would hear us coming down the stairs. Their bedroom was on the first floor and this never stopped my sister from catting out on multiple occasions.
The one time I'd attempted sneaking out to a school function, I'd been busted with my hand on the door handle by my ever vigilant mother. Instead of going out that weekend I was relegated to hard labor which included the painting of my sister's room who was suspicious by her absence, catting out again. Mom played it off.
"What the fuck?" I mumbled finding crap all over the corridor in the form of discarded boxes of various sizes along with some clutter from the closet at the end of the corridor. No one was getting hitched in this house, but the curse of Bridezilla was readily apparent.
Thankfully my room remained undisturbed and clean to a fault. I was particular about my things and worked hard to keep my snooping mother at bay. These days my parents were divorced with my dad working halfway across the world on an oil rig. Mom was always running him down especially after he'd remarried getting hitched with this south Asian he met during a divorce vacation after getting shafted in the courts.
This made me his unintentional proxy in the house which was wholly matriarchal at this point. The guest bedroom was being shared by my cousin and her friend. I got a glimpse inside finding the interior looked like the aftermath of a black Friday shopping spree.
"I'm probably gonna have to clean that shit up." I mumbled under my breath stripping down to my boxers walking to the bathroom with a baggie containing all of my toiletries.
My mother insisted we keep our towels and everything in our rooms leaving the racks inside the bathroom bare due to a donnybrook I had with my older sister after she used up all the available linen. Sometimes I felt like a second class citizen in my own home because mom mostly looked the other way whenever my sister was out of pocket.
"Huh?" There was music lightly wafting from behind the half opened bathroom door, Skeelo's "I Wish" to be exact.
I inched forward taking a peek through the cracked door finding the bathroom occupied presently.
Deana the aforementioned friend of my cousin was standing in front of the bathroom mirror staring at her reflection obviously enjoying the view. The gods above seemed to be answering my prayers because I'd always had sort of a crush on this twenty something since we met at a cookout.
Of course she never gave me the time of day thinking of me as some goofy kid despite our two year age gap.
"Oh my, damn."
Visually speaking imagine a young Nia long a shade or two darker with pretty much the body of this porn star Maserati XXX on the slightly leaner side of the spectrum. Yeah, I was instantly smitten and she liked to have fun making me do whatever she wished when visiting. Along with those looks, I was a willing acolyte because of the melons sitting Majestically on her chest.
Deana was topless wearing a skimpy pair of white sheer lacy panties that left nothing to the imagination.
More importantly like I mentioned before, Deana was topless. I was getting way more than I'd ever hoped for in a life time of dreaming about those boobs since we'd met at that cookout. She'd always had a prominent set of knockers but kept them under wraps for the most part under threat of corporal punishment by the severely strict grandmother she lived with after being bounced out of her parent's house. Now she was half naked in my bathroom.
I found myself thanking the little shits who'd hit me with a barrage of piss filled water balloons.
It had been a few months since we last met but I never forgot that spaghetti strap tank and shorts she wore which garnered more attention from the male contingent of that backyard than myself. It literally looked as if her offerings would snap those thin straps and give everybody a treat but it never happened.
Deana was almost swarmed by men old and young alike until her little clique including my cousin and sister had to cut out for greener pastures. I was snatched away during this and nearly given a concussion by purse from a portly aunt and later got that work put in by my mother for "embarrassing her" out in public for acting "mannish"; I hated that word.
Now here Deana was in my bathroom giving me what I'd karmically earned after that ordeal and another where I was unceremoniously pantsed by a college aged romantic suitor when she was all of seventeen years of age. Never mind the ten minute scuffle that followed with me pummeling that fool who was unaware of my boxing lessons from an early age.
