There was a chemistry between us from the moment we first met. I had just been hired. I was a junior project manager fresh out of college; he was one of the field supervisors, eight or ten years older than me, quiet and almost shy-seeming but possessed of a dry and understated sense of humor that seemed to come out of nowhere and often had me cracking up out of the blue.
The moment we were introduced there was a jolt of sexual energy that passed between us. I know I felt it anyway; I suspect that he did too, but I've never been any good at telling. In any case, it was pretty much a moot point; he was (as far as I could tell) happily married, and at the time I was living with my boyfriend.
We didn't cross paths at work very often, but when we did there was always that spark that sent shivers down my spine and made me feel flushed and self conscious. And occasionally made me run to the bathroom and guiltily masturbate.
As a general rule, I'm not the kind of girl that guys get crushes on. First of all, I'm not skinny. I'm not fat either, and I've lost a ton of weight since high school, but I'll never be a skinny girl. Second of all I wear glasses. And I'm the kind of social misfit who would rather go home and play SimCity (or browse internet porn) than go out dancing. I'm basically a nerd.
One time after work, a bunch of us went out for drinks, and I got dragged along. He was there and ended up sitting next to me. His thigh pressed up against mine. It felt good. I didn't move my leg. He didn't move away either. We stayed pressed up against each other in the booth through three drinks. By the time I got home, I was so drunk and horny that my head was spinning.
But that was all: periodic bouts of (kinky, possibly perverted) masturbatory fantasy on my part, occasional (totally imaginary?) flirtation on his part. Meanwhile, my boyfriend came and went, and I started (in my own introverted and socially awkward way) chasing after girls.
And then we got sent to Cincinnati. There was some machinery out there that wasn't working right. He had to go up a big ladder to troubleshoot it. I was essentially sent along as a ladder-holder.
It turned out to be a long day's work, with a lot of swearing and fussing on his part, and a lot of ladder-holding and handing up of tools on mine. It took ten hours, but we finally got the thing working.
It had been a really long day already, and we were both pretty whipped; him from a long day up on a ladder, and me from a long day of standing at the bottom of his ladder. We got checked into our hotel, and agreed to meet up in an hour for dinner. After a hot shower and a change of clothes, I felt much better. And hornier.
We had dinner together at some chain restaurant. I don't remember which one; they're all pretty much the same thing anyway. The food was ok. We killed off a bottle of wine between the two of us. And I'm a serious lightweight. Our flirtation (if that is in fact what it was- I'm so bad at telling!) was more overt than it had ever been. At least mine definitely was.
Then we went back to the hotel. We had an early flight home. And that was when I made my move, my head reeling with red wine. We were standing in front of the door to his room- he was on the first floor and my room was up on the second- and it seemed like he was hesitating to say goodnight.
I worked up my courage (assisted by the alcohol being pumped through my veins by my pounding, horny heart), opened up my mouth and said "Do you feel like hanging out for a while?"
"Sure" he said, leaving the end of the word hanging out there like a fall leaf dancing on a twig.
We stepped into his hotel room and the door swung closed behind us. Our hands met, our fingers intertwined. He leaned forward to kiss me. I closed my eyes. I could feel his hot breath on my lips. I couldn't wait to get his pants down, to find out just what was causing that delicious looking bulge in the front of his jeans.
"I can't do this" he said "I'm sorry."
Fuck.
"I'm sorry" he repeated "I'm incredibly turned on and I'm really attracted to you, but I just can't."
"I understand" I said, my heart sinking "how about just a blowjob then β between friends?"
God, I couldn't believe I'd just said that.