Tanglefoot, Texas, 1876
"Name's Ulysses Parker, folks, what can I do for ya?" U announced as he strode over to the table of four.
"Well for starters, good sir, how 'bout you play a round with us," asked one of the gentlemen, shuffling a deck of old, weather-beaten cards. "We came all the way from Austin. In fact, I think we just beat the storm that's about to blow through."
"You ladies play cards?" U inquired.
"Very well," the other gentleman interjected. "Believe me, they play for keeps."
Closing time had come and gone, but U felt gracious enough to let these out-of-towners stay a while.
The gals, since they were the subject of Ulysses' welcomed glances, introduced themselves first. Both were stunning.
The delightful brunette was Obedience Wooster and the blonde was Gertrude Frank. The heavyset gentlemen was Cleveland, and the well-hatted gentleman, Irving.
"All the way from Austin, really," U asked again, as he poured four shots of Log Cabin No. 1, and one for himself.
********************
They played poker, brag, Faro and a few rounds of three-card monte. They even fancied dice games, trying their luck at grand hazard, high-low and chuck-a-luck.
Obedience provided plenty of spirit for the evening's festivities. She and Gertrude told jokes and sang bits and pieces of happy ballads.
"Now tell me folks," U began . "I know you didn't come all this way for the cards, whiskey, and my stories about local lore."
"You're a wholesaler, aren't you?" he asked Cleveland.
"That I am, good sir," Cleve admitted proudly. "And I'm prepared to make you quite a deal."
"You'd be surprised how many men that came through here, saying the same exact thing," U replied, rolling the dice with fervor.
"Now, hear me out, Mr. Parker," Cleveland persisted, putting down his drink for just a second or two. "I know times are tough around here. I know your habits. You purchase barrels of whiskey, add a few choice ingredients - "
"A special recipe," U interrupted with a grin.
"You add a few choice ingredients to make it last longer," Cleveland went on. "This way you earn quite a profit. But those ingredients, sir, one of which being tobacco juice - "
"I ain't ever use tobacco juice," U interjected again.
"Maybe that's just the other folks," said Cleveland.
"Can you imagine ordering a shot of whiskey and half of it is tobacco spit?" Obedience offered, cringing at the very thought.
"That's enough to turn you green," Gertrude laughed.
"Point is, good sir," Cleveland continued, "I can make you a great deal, 50 percent of what you're paying now. With a whole lot better profit and sustainability in return."
"Sure," U obliged. "But what's in it for you?"
********************
"Let me be frank," Isaac said.
"And I'll be Ulysses," U fired back, his sense of humor never wavering.
"Very funny, Mr. Parker," Gertrude delivered with a grin.
"The four of us," Cleveland explained, "we like to have fun. We like to fool around, ya know? We've been doing it for years. But good sir, you would be a conquest."
"I am just gonna lay it out flat. Isaac and I, we're voyeurs. We like to see our darling female friends here, experiment, have a little fun is all. And I think you could help us out, U."
Cleveland's admission was certainly not the weirdest thing ever muttered at The Rusty Nail.
These two couples knew what they wanted and they weren't ashamed of it.
Besides, one of the many gifts of a secure relationship is that it's a safe place. It is where fantasies can be explored with impunity.
Obviously the two couples had done this kind of thing before, only this time would be a little extra special.
"Can you appreciate that, good sir?"
"I certainly can," U said.
Said Irving: "Watching your gal do something naughty is a wonderfully exhilarating thrill."
"And this ain't sex. No sir. This is just hands - maybe a little, ahem, oral stimulation - and that's all."
The groundwork and parameters were being laid out.
"But why me?" U posed modestly.
Cleveland coughed to break the obvious tension.
It was Gertrude who spoke up.
"Oh, come on, Mr. Parker, don't be coy. The stories about you travel further than the Trinity river."
"Sir, with all due respect," added Irving, "we heard you got a prick that could derail the 3:12 freighter coming in from Belton."
"Oh, gaw-hawd," Obedience muttered, reacting with tickled amusement.
"Colorful way of putting it, Cleve," added Gert.
"So does this proposition interest you at all, good sir?" Irving posed. "We'll fill your bar at a tremendous discount, and believe me, your customers will keep coming back.
"In return, you spend a night with us. Tonight, in fact, if that works for you..."
"I can't say no to that," U reasoned.
********************
Obedience and Gertrude had each sauntered over to the bar to sit. The two were beautifully dressed.
Each wore a two-piece consisting of a bodice and a skirt. A bodice was a stiff garment, like a fitted jacket, usually supported with - of all things - whalebone or steel.
U could make out that each woman was very well-endowed. He fantasized about their large breasts, hidden underneath dresses of laurel green and periwinkle blue.
Despite the two gals revealing very little skin, what was showing was a tremendous amount of zeal, great energy and enthusiasm in pursuit of tonight's objective.
"Now, good sir, just to lay out some more of the ground rules," Cleveland commenced. "Obedience and Gertrude, they gonna play with ya. So with that in mind, I suggest ya get nekkid. The gals, they keep their clothes on. We are after all, the only ones to see them in such a state of affairs."
"I concur," U wholeheartedly agreed, albeit with a hint of disappointment. "To share these natural beauties with any other man would be a fool."
"Could we see it?" Obedience asked excitedly. "Many have suggested, Mr. Parker, that your thing is worthy of recognition at The World's Fair."
Some chuckles sounded through the saloon. But point well taken.
"An eager one, aren't you. But what are the gentlemen to be doing?"
"We'll just be watching, U," Irving divulged calmly.
"I won't have any of that," U protested. "If I get naked, you two shall as well. It creates more of a feeling of solidarity."
"Take your clothes off, Cleveland," Gertrude demanded of her boyfriend, her insistence making Obedience chuckle with delight. "Let's get this show on the road."
********************
"I've never seen Irving naked," Gertrude declared. "What a treat this will be."
Both men stripped down, removing everything from head to toe. They put their boots back on as to not get splinters.
"I do say you two look so silly, your boots on with your tickle tales showing like that," Obedience expressed in such a giddy fashion.
"You do have a very handsome member, Irving," Gertrude gushed, complimenting her best friend's man.
"And you, good sir, if you will," Cleveland gestured toward U.
"In keeping with the evening's fun spirit of things, perhaps maybe one of the ladies would like to fetch it out for me?" U offered.
Bawdy laughter and snickers ensued, but Obedience took on the challenge.
She walked over to the saloon owner and held out her delicate hand.
"I should just...put my hand down into your trousers?" she laughed.
U nodded. Things were getting awfully cheeky, but picking up momentum with every heated second.
"Okay, here goes," she exclaimed, and reached into his pants.
She felt around for a few moments until a look of amazement relayed that she had found her prize.
"What do we have here, Mr. Parker?" she cooed. "Lemme see..."
That look of amazement transformed to wonderment and even shock.
"Oh...oh my...," she uttered, her hand traveling further and further down his right pant leg.
"You look plum surprised, my darling," Irving shouted from the bar.
Obedience could not believe what she was feeling.
"Is this really your penis? For goodness sake, does it end?!" she could hardly say.
Finally she went to yank it out of U's trousers but her arm had gotten stuck, making for an even more outrageous sight.
"I can't get it out," she laughed.
Austin's former beauty pageant winner fidgeted and struggled until producing the object of everyone's interest. She managed to get her arm out, and with it, U's legendary penis. It flopped out of his trousers with reckless abandon.
********************
Gertrude spit out her whiskey, unable to contain her surprise.
"Well I'll be. I've never seen anything like it," Obedience rightfully declared, while looking down upon U's massive endowment, as long and nearly as thick as a beer bottle even in its flaccid state.
"Lord in Heaven, I've never seen one that big before," marveled Gertrude.
U jutted out his midsection, enjoying the watchful gaze of the two women.
Booming thunder had rolled in, causing everyone to jump. But Obedience's focus never wavered.
"Odd, isn't it? The size of your penis," she said with a smile. "I mean it's downright peculiar."
He rolled his hips, making his long, fat organ swing from side to side, flopping against his baggy trousers.
The exercise created quite the guffaw.
"I could live to be a hundred and not see anything quite like your penis," Obedience laughed.
U stripped down completely and disappeared behind the piano.
He calmly sat down on the bench and played spirited versions of 'Git Along Little Dogies' and 'Home on the Range.'
But then he stood, arms extended towards the heavens. And the playing somehow ensued. A single solitary key being banged on by someone or some...thing.
"Who or what is doing the playing?" Obedience wondered aloud, as the audience of four gave into side-splitting laughter.
"It's either the Lake Ghost of Tanglefoot, or his prick," Cleveland raged on.
U continued with his inspired playing, finishing to a rowdy crescendo of applause.
