The male officer (who still did not tell me his name) wrote down a few notes on a folder attached to a clipboard. This seemed odd since I assumed the entire room was rigged for recording. "Take me to the night of the attack."
"You want to know about the night of the attack." I pursed my lips, biting the inside of my mouth. "Where do I start?"
Thankfully, Olivia, the female detective returned to the room, offering her partner a cup of coffee. "Let's start with, why you went back to Warden Hartley." From her purse she removed a bottle of water. "Are you thirsty?"
"I guess," I reached for the water. I'd need it for what was to come. Memories were flooding back, some good and some not. "I guess it was fate."
"Fate?" she asked with a tone of compassion (as opposed to mockery). "How so?"
"I was feeling shitty about what happened between me and Joy."
Olivia nodded. "And the warden offered you a safe space?"
"Yeah, well, turns out he wasn't even staying in his office."
The next day was Sunday and as usual everyone went to church services. The chapel was a nice, air-conditioned space where everyone was welcome. I sat alone in the back while Joy took a seat in the front row with a few of our friends.
Pastor James Rylan was a physically fit former guard who'd also served as a medic in the army for well over a decade. He was always kind, offering extra food and water to anyone who wanted to stay and help him clean up. After handing out the free bottles of water, he pulled me aside. That was when I learned Danny had taken a turn for the worse.
"Warden Hartley has been asking about you."
"It's only been a day," I said with a giggle. "He can't miss me that badly."
The pastor lowered his head, then pursed his lips as he looked towards the cross hanging from the back of the stage. It was clear he was contemplating if he wanted to tell me the full story.
"What's up?"
The pastor looked honestly upset, nearly in tears. "Christi, I've known you for a while now. I think you're a good kid." He leaned forward, taking my hand. "I need you to answer me honestly. You won't be in trouble or anything like that. You'll just head back to your cellblock and go on with your day, I promise."
I had a feeling I knew his next question. "You know I'd never lie to you. I've done a lot of bad shit in my life, but you've always been good to me."
The pastor nodded, accepting my answer. "Do you really care about Warden Hartley? Or was it all just a game to get his pills?"
My heart froze. At that moment I felt genuinely sick. "What happened to Danny?"
"After your visit, he closed off his open-door policy. Instead, he opted to just stay in his office smoking cigarettes. I only know this because I found him passed out on the floor, nearly setting his desk on fire."
After taking a bad fall, Danny had been staying with the pastor in the onsite barracks. This was so he could still collect a paycheck, while also not being alone when he passed. "At this time Danny is struggling with bone pain, and unable to hold down food."
I nodded, blinking tears from my eyes. This was the end. "Can I see him?"
"I'll see what I can do."
Later that night, with the pastor acting as my escort, I met with Danny in a private room. He was sitting watching the moon through an open window. As expected, he was chain smoking.
"Hi, Danny."
He clutched his chest, turning to me with a pain-stricken smile. "Christi?"
"Yeah, it's me." I sat by his side, resting my head on his shoulder.
His words broke my heart. "I need a reason not to throw in the towel."
I could see down his shirt, to his bruised chest. If he still had a means of ending his life, that would probably be a wise decision. "I can't give you a reason, but I can stay by your side."
Danny placed his hand over mine. "Thank you."
After that, I started coming home later and later.
"Home?" the male interviewer asked with a snicker.
"Back to my cellblock," I clarified. "Joy was always asleep when I got back: it was like she was daring me to go see him."
"Um, what??" The male raised his hand in clear disbelief. "I'm sorry, are you saying you were granted the ability to leave your cellblock at will?
"Yeah," I said with a shrug. "Not like I tried to escape or anything."
"So, how did this work. Did you have a direct line to the guard's shift supervisor?"
"Sort of," I was unable to hold back my giggles. The process agreed upon by Pastor Rylan was comical to say the least. "I was to make eye contact with the left-most security camera, and give a piece sign and well, you know." I gave the universal hand sign for eating pussy. "Then a guard would come over, make sure I was wearing my full uniform so I could easily be identified. They'd cuff me and escort me to the emergency exit outside of the kitchen. (It was the only one hidden from direct cameras.) And once the door shut behind me, well, I just started walking."
When it started to rain, I really thought about turning back. It was like God himself was telling me this was a bad idea. By the time I made it to the pastor's building the sky was erupting with lightning and thunder. I was never afraid of thunder as a kid, but there was something about that night. I knew I needed to get indoors.
I just wanted to be someplace safe and warm,
As I approached the front door of Pastor Rylan's living quarters, my heart fluttered in ways I'd never felt. With Joy, it was a sisterhood; we were two best friends who liked to fuck. With Danny I felt different. I felt desired, wanted, loved.
Danny answered the door in an old wheelchair that belonged to the prison infirmary. He laughed at my appearance, comparing me to a wet cat.
To see him smile filled me with happiness. "Can I come in?"
"Of course, help yourself to any dry clothing," he said motioning to a stack of boxes.
"Is that your wife's stuff?" the box contained average Walmart-like pieces intermixed with designer knock-offs from around the world.
"Yes, it was the last of what she left me with."
"Cool, so where's Pastor Rylan?"
"Probably asleep." Danny started to roll away, towards the backdoor. "Go take a shower I'll tell him you got here safe."
