After she slipped away to sleep, I removed myself from her side to have a look at her. I wanted to remember her exactly this way. Her long black hair a mess, her slip riding up her ass, her panties hanging off her ankle. Well fucked. The woman I had fallen for. My heart ached thinking about it. I remembered the way I used to see her around campus. Always put together and immaculate. Invincible. But this - here in my bed - this was the real her. An animal. No more invulnerable than any other person.
I rose from the bed and began to get dressed. I didn't have a plan for where to go, but I knew I couldn't stay here. I needed to have a walk, to come back knowing what I wanted from her. If I didn't - she was smart enough. She would decide for me.
It was early afternoon now and it was cold outside, but the sun shone brightly through the bare branches of trees lining the street. I tightened my scarf around my neck, but didn't bother with a hat. Cold was good. Cold helped me think. I began to walk.
One thing was certain - I was leaving that job. I thought of Gracey, and that soft bright face. I wasn't done with her. An image flashed in my mind of fucking her on my boss's desk, her legs spread wide open, her squealing and not caring who could hear her. That's one way to quit a job. But making a scene... was it even worth it? The job meant less than nothing to me. What my boss thought of me meant less than nothing to me. He had never done a thing to harm me. I had done it all to myself by allowing myself to be trapped. I'd leave quietly. In fact, I silently vowed, I'd never step foot in that building again.
But I wanted her. Not forever, but for a while longer. I knew she was not the sort of woman I could ever love. But she would be a welcome distraction during the months to come. Maybe this is the way I would live from now on. Moving from one distraction to the next, never allowing another woman to consume me the way Emily had. But leaving my wife...
I stopped to light a cigarette. So that was the next question I had to answer. Of course, what was best for me was to be far away from her. To start over on my life. But things are never so easy. She was the only woman I had ever committed to. She was the only woman I had ever loved. But had I really? Was it love, or was it fascination? Her beauty, her intellect... her power. Her power fascinated me the most. But, I reminded myself, the fascination had always been one-sided...
And that was the first moment that the reality of her unfaithfulness settled in. This was no longer a feeling. Not paranoia. Not a fantasy - it was real. After everything I gave up for her, after the promise I had made to her, she could not treat me with the same respect. I felt the pain, the betrayal, like a gash across my middle.
As ridiculous as it sounds that was still so hard for me to believe. Was there any way it could not be true? After all, her confession had come in the throws of her ecstasy. She could have been playing a part. She could be have been mistaken into thinking I was playing a game with her. But no, I was fooling myself trying to find some excuse for her. In my heart, I knew it was true.
And what about what I had done? With this girl from the office? This stranger? Wasn't it just the same? Weren't we equally to blame for this failure? No, I refused to feel guilty. I had acted the way any animal would have acted when starved and backed into a corner. I dropped what was left of my cigarette to the ground and put it out with my shoe.
I should go back and have it out with her while my resolve was strong. But the desire to keep going, to disappear and never come back, leaving the whole mess behind me had the better of me. What would we do? Have a discussion? The thought almost made me want to laugh. What was there to say? Would I have to justify my decision to leave to her? Would I have to hear the sordid details of her affairs and repeat mine to her? What was the point of any of it? To sort out a few boring details about bills and the lease and personal possessions. I couldn't care about any of it. And why should I?
I dug my phone from out of my pocket and quickly fired off a text to my dear little concubine: "I need to see you." She began to respond almost instantly, three little dots indicating she was formulating her reply. I could feel my cock start to harden in my pants at just the thought of her answering me. I waited anxiously, imagining where she was, what she was wearing...
But she was taking a long time. Suddenly I had a sinking feeling that she was telling me off for the way I had treated her at the office and that the joy ride was over. But at last, the words I had most hoped for appeared on the screen:
" I've been waiting for you ;) "
But there was more.
"I can't tonight tho... sorry, luv."
Disappointment washed over me, followed sharply by irritation. Was she trying to tease me? Or just blowing me off?
"Why not?" I responded.
"b/c i have plans with someone, sorry :( "
Someone. Definitely another man. Fine. That didn't bother me. But I wouldn't let it deter me either.
"So, what are you doing now?"
A long silence. This one so long, I decided to shove my phone back in my pocket and take another walk around the block and try to forget the whole thing. Figure out something else to distract myself. To keep me from going home. But at last, I felt the buzz and my heart jumped...
And there it was. An address. An apartment number. I could hardly help running to the nearest subway station to head uptown...
***
It was not fair that a girl who did practically nothing should live in a place this nice. She's probably never had to worry for a moment about money, I reflected as I went up the glass elevator. For the last several years, the anxiety of paying rent had ruled my world. But this girl had everything the city had to offer at her fingertips for no other reason than who her father was. She didn't have to work a day for it.
My pulse quickened when she answered the door and I smelled the first whiff of her perfume. "Hi lovey..." she said with a coy little smile, leading me inside by the hand. Her figure looked incredible in a tight, low-cut blue sweater dress that I couldn't wait to peel off of her. I couldn't help but gaze at her big, round tits. No doubt she intended it that way. I couldn't believe I didn't get a chance to see them in all their glory when she was sucking me off the last time! That would definitely have to change tonight.
"I've been thinking a lot about you," I confessed.
"Oh yeah? You mean... what we did?" she whispered wickedly.
"What you did," I said, slipping my hands around her waist and pulling her a little closer to me. "I can't get it out of my head..." She giggled as I ran my hands down over her round ass. "And I think now it's your turn."
She closed her eyes and sighed in my ear. "Are you sure it's a good idea?"
I squeezed her ass tightly as I whispered back, "You worked very hard to seduce me. And now you're going to have me."
She smiled with satisfaction, leaning in for a kiss. I responded hungrily, tasting her soft lips for the first time. I felt them part willingly and then her tongue against mine. I pulled her in against my hips so she could feel how hard I was already. She moaned as I ground into her.
"So..." I said softly into her ear. "Who's coming over later?" She looked up at me, surprised and not sure what to say. "You can tell me," I encouraged. "It's not going to stop what I'm going to do to you."
She held her breath for a moment and searched my eyes, unwilling or unable to speak. I reached under her dress, very gently stroking between her legs. "Tell me..."
"Just some... guy," she breathed.
"A date?"
