I'm a dirty old man. You don't have to take my word for it, I work in a sex shop. It's not that seedy a place, but they never get, shall we say, the most discerning of patrons. Especially since the advent of the internet.
Talking of the internet, most of our business is done online these days. I get in in the morning and go through the overnight orders (people seem reticent to buy stuff from their work computers, I wonder why?) while I wait to see if anybody's coming in today. I get a few phone calls a day, and there are some regulars who know when the publications they're most interested arrive, but generally it's a quiet life. I like it like that - twenty years ago, you'd have a bunch of weirdos hanging around, leering at the few women who did come in.
Nowadays we'll see more women, usually in couples with their boyfriend or something, or in groups when they're planning for a bachelorette party or something. I like those girls, as they used to buy tacky shit, but now they want good stuff for their parties, and they usually want lots of it.
Anyway, It was a quiet day and this red head chick comes in. She wasn't bad looking, but was dressed down, in sweat pants and a sweat shirt. She wasn't wearing much, if any makeup. I did notice the wedding ring though, so I was thinking she was shopping for a gag gift, as anything personal and I'd have expected her to bring her husband along. Or, you know, him to have brought her.
Anyway, I like to flatter the ladies, plus seem like I'm here to help.
"Can I help you miss?"
"I'm looking for a butt plug," she said.
Matter of fact, just like that. Like she was asking about a new phone or hat or something. I was a little taken aback, but I tried not to show it.
"What size?"
"Um... a beginner size, like small?"
Ah, a newbie, despite the confidence. I smiled at her, in my best, non-creepy, way.
"It's OK sweetie," I said, "we can get you sorted out."
I put down the box I was working on and came around the counter to lead her to a display.
I pointed out something towards the smaller end of the line. I don't see the point in the really small ones. They're not going to stretch you out or anything.
"This would be a good size to start out with. You'll know it's there, but it won't hurt you."
She didn't look totally convinced. I was pretty sure she'd never even thought to Google this stuff before coming in, so maybe this was a spur of the moment thing.
"You put it in with lube," I told her. "Do you have any lube?"
She shook her head, so I opened the cabinet with a key, and picked up the butt plug and handed it to her.
"It's cold," she said.
I closed and locked the cabinet, then walked over to the row of different lubes.
"Do you have a preference?" I asked her.
She shook her head, so I selected a bottle and handed it to her.
"Did you want to try it on?" I asked, grinning.
Of course she'd know I was joking.
