Let me start by saying that I really don't know why I did it. Why I even stepped outside just at that moment. I mean, I know why I stepped outside, I was aggravated and wanted to cool off instead of picking the same fight like I always do. Because I'm tired of the freaking Ultimate Fight Championship, and I'm tired of High Life Beer, and I'm tired of "Babe, you're blocking the TV!" every time I try to have a normal human interaction with my husband. God knows why I even try anymore, it's not like he's interested in anything that's going on in my life - it's not like there even is anything going on in my life. I mean, I like Dancing with the Stars and all but I'd rather go dancing with him, if he would get his ass off the couch.
So I stepped outside, because I knew if I didn't we'd end up getting into it again, it's the same fight, every week, we are living in sitcom reruns, and it sucks. I'm not the brightest bulb on the tree, but I am smart enough to know that getting married at 19 was way too young, I know it now, 15 years later, but back then I was too in love with being in love to pay attention to the nagging doubts. A word of advice - not that you probably need it - watch out for those nagging doubts, cause they are watching out for you. It seems like the harder you try to ignore them, the more they multiply, and before you know it they've pretty much taken over and turned everything sour.
I didn't used to be like this, I swear to god I was a nice person at one time. Now I can't remember the last conversation I had with some one where I wasn't complaining about Brian, or the weather, or the state of the world, or whatever. Whatever. I get so tired of feeling like that I could scream. Usually, though, I just step outside. I don't smoke, except when I do, but I keep a pack of cigarettes around, just in case I need an excuse.
It was kind of cool that night and I hadn't put on my jacket when I went out on the porch. I was still too pissed to go in and get it. You know the kind of pissed, when you can't help slamming things around and moving really jerky and quick - what Brian calls "havin' a bug up your ass." God I hate it when he says that to me, it's just plain ignorant.
I decided I'd walk around the house, thinking it would warm me up and give me a chance to clear my head. We live kind of out of the way, on the side of a hill, we share a driveway with one other house, but that's it, no streetlights or fences or anything. It's pretty quiet, especially since Kathy moved out of the other house. We were friendly and she would come over sometimes and listen to me bitch, bless her heart, but she got a job in Austin and that was the end of that.
Another woman moved in, but she never did more than nod when she passed by our house, so we didn't take the trouble to get to know her. I was kind of curious about her, probably just because she kept her distance. I have to admit I have this habit of making up stories about people, just in my head, so it's no harm done. I know it's kind of silly and childish, but it passes the time, kind of like soap operas, or those cheap romance novels my grandmother was always reading.
So I had a bunch of stories about the mysterious lady next door floating around in my head - she's a fugitive bank robber, hiding out from the law - she's the ex-girlfriend of some kind of crime-lord in the witness protection program - she's an FBI agent on the trail of a serial killer, like Jodie Foster in Silence of the Lambs - stuff like that.
I was walking around in the dark, distracting myself with my tall tales, and I noticed that there were two cars parked next to her house, when usually it's just the one. Now, I'm not nosey, but I did get interested, probably because I had just been thinking about my neighbor's secret life, and how it was so much more exciting than my own little ho-hum small town life.
It was weird to see another car there, because she rarely has anyone over, and I don't recall ever seeing another car there that late in the evening. Not that it was really late, but it was after dark, and a week night - a time when most people are settling in for the night, wherever they are. Another thing that struck me as odd was that there didn't seem to be any lights on, anywhere in the house, not even the porch light. And if there were two people in there, what were they doing with no lights on?
I know what you're thinking. But, at this point, I can honestly say that sex was about the farthest thing from my mind. It had been so long since I even thought about having sex with Brian, it didn't even occur to me that other people may have been going on about their business and having sex lives in spite of me and my situation. I did like having sex, but that was a long time ago, and even though I do my wife-ly duty - that's about all the further we go with it. Brian's a three minute man on a good day, and we don't see many good days around here, thanks to Miller Brewing Company, if you know what I mean.
I was more concerned about things like - what if the serial killer found out she was on to him, or the crime-lord sent his goons to "take care" of the loose ends. Before I knew it I was standing right up behind the two cars. From there I could see that the blind on her window was halfway up and there did seem to be a dull glow in the room, some sort of light, but not bright like a lamp would have been.
I took a few more steps hoping that I wasn't going to hear any muffled screams or chainsaws gunning. I saw a quick movement, just a shadow, really, on the far wall. And I heard something, but I wasn't quite sure what it was, it could have been something dropped to the floor, like a book or a board, I just couldn't be certain, so I moved forward just a few more steps. I was totally freaked out, I can tell you, something was going on in there and I couldn't believe what I was doing, but I just had to know what it was!
A split second later I heard a man's voice, but I couldn't hear what he said. Then I saw the movement and heard the sound again. It took me a second to realize that the movement was actually a reflection in a big mirror that was leaning up against the far wall. I hadn't see any people yet, just the movement in the mirror. I knew there was definitely someone in there, though. . Then a woman's voice rang out "I..I don't know!"
I was already in front of the two cars by this time, only a few yards from the window and the hair on the back of my neck was standing up. I had to clamp my mouth shut to keep my teeth from chattering, and it wasn't from the cold! That sound again, but this time there were several, close together.