My sister Debbie could talk her way out of just about any predicament.
Cute, precocious, innocent, Debbie had an arsenal of effective weapons. She could smile, bat an eyelash, tuck her skirt a bit higher and flirt with the best of them. She could kill with kindness when she had to, and when all else failed, turn on the syrupy sweet charm that could melt menâs hearts and turn them into putty.
Being a couple years younger than she, I watched her learn her craft through her high school years, then excel at in her collegiate days.
She had my parents wrapped around her fingertips, her teachers too. By the look of her grades at the University, she apparently had her way with the professors, and the fact that she was named Homecoming Queen and student government in her sophomore year let me know that none of her charisma had worn off as she had gotten older.
I had the good fortune of trailing my big sister at the University, and have to admit she steered me to the right teachers and classes. Everyone knew pretty Debbie, and being her little brother helped in non-scholastic ways too --- it got me laid.
But I am ahead of myself.
As popular as Debbie was, I was just the opposite. I was shy throughout my high school years, never even getting the nerve to ask a girl for a date until late in my senior year. That near disaster, prissy Mary Ann Constantino was a match made by our mothers for the senior prom, was made good only when after an unbelievable several hours of misery and pain in the decked out gymnasium we gave up on all pretenses of a romantic evening and changed into our knock around clothes and stealth down to the lake.
There, while other couples were making out, we sat and skipped rocks and spoke of sports, school and the weather all the while suffering through long periods of quiet.
When I dropped her off at home before our extended curfew of 2 a.m., I felt I had wasted an evening. The conversation was merely nice, like talking with your sister about the weather. We never made it into the backseat for any groping, nor did we embrace in the front seat. Heck, at the end of the night I barely got a good night peck on the cheek. What hurt worse was that several of my friends disclosed to me that Mary Ann had been bad-mouthing me to several of her girlfriends, going so far as to say I couldnât even get it up for her that fateful night. The gall of the girl, she had a force field around her that night which kept my hands away from her. I didnât even have a light case of blue balls.
Like I said, it was a disaster. Why she had to make it worse by trashing me I didnât know, but there wasnât much I could do about it after the fact. Needless to say, Mary Ann didnât get a call for a date from me again and I insisted my mother stay out of my dating life.
My sister consoled me, telling me that Mary Ann was merely a mistake, a pothole in the garden of love. Her words soothed me, but it wasnât easy getting over the bards of my friends who rode me mercilessly on my disastrous prom affair. I could swear some girls looked at me as if I was a geek or pervert or something.
Life went on. I changed the style of my hair, bought some new clothes, and even learned a few jokes, complete with punch lines. Nothing seemed to work.
Everyone said there were other fish in the sea, so I plowed on in the love department. The closest I came to sampling a womanâs favors came that summer when I dated a girl with a âreputationâ. Lisa Marie was known around the guys in my class as an E-Z lay. Several guys openly spoke of bedding her, while others intimated they had. Somehow I got the courage to ask her out, and we had several nice movie dates. On the third date I got the nerve to kiss her, and it was fantastic. Her lips were soft, and I held her tight mashing my face against hers. But somewhere between kissing her perfect lips and attempting to go a little further, my hands and plans were derailed.
âIâm not that kind of girl,â said the girl known around the schoolyard as a slut. âStop!â
My hand had barely copped a quick feel of a sweater-covered breast when her words stopped me in my tracks. No meant no, and I pulled back to my side of the front car seat. I begged and pleaded but no fire was kindled. Shot down by the loosest girl in my class.
If you had taken a poll the following Monday, most would have assumed I had scored that night, and I said nothing to dispel the thought, but of course I knew the truth.
Debbie knew it wasnât the case. My sister sympathized with my plight, giving me encouragement, telling me it wasnât about sex but love. The right girl would come along and the sexual escapades would follow. Easy for her to say, she was Ms. Popular and had the pick of the litter of college guys while I couldnât even find leftover girls who couldnât beg for a date.
Still, she would support me when I was down, lifting my spirits.
At State I, at Debbieâs insistence, joined several clubs, as she felt my interacting with girls would lead to something. But if anything, it sent me the other direction as none of the girls who interested me were at all interested in me. Truth be told, I was still a bit geeky, lacked confidence, and just didnât carry a conversation.
I poured myself into classes, and did carry good grades that first semester. Iâd go to a few mixers, a couple frat parties, and I actually did get a little bit better with my interactions with the fairer set. Still, no girly action, just a self-sympathetic reaction.
Sitting in the cavernous student union, Iâd people watch, and invariably would notice guys and girls sitting together, joking, studying and so forth. Some would hold hands, some kiss, and Iâd gaze on with envy when a guy or girl would pat her partner on the butt or swing into a hug on their way out of the building. One dayâŠ
Student mixers werenât much better, Iâd asked a few girls to dance and actually spazed my way round the dance floor with some, but nothing came of it.
Debbie laughed at my predicament. âAh, come on Jon, itâs not the end of the world.â
âSis, couldnât you fix me up with someone?â I begged.
âWeâll see, weâll see,â sheâd reply, shaking her pretty head, but nothing seemed to come of it.
My sexual activities included reading passed on Hustlers and Penthouse magazine, with an occasional Friday night blue movie at the x-rated theater in Danville, a town about 15 miles away. A couple times I spied young lovers making out down at Loverâs Point, an out of the way spot where kids parked. Several times, from a secluded spot just yards away, I spied a young woman giving head to her beau, and once actually saw a couple having sex in the back seat of a Toyota Camry.
Then came the call.
âHey, sluggo, you heading home for the weekend?â
It was Debbie. Her voice was more syrupy than usual, leading me to believe she was up to something. As she continued, I quickly realized she was.
âIf you are around town Iâd like you to help out in some of the sorority initiation activities. Are you game?â
I asked if it involved me dressing up in a stupid costume, or being made fun of, or other embarrassing task.
âNope,â she said with a laugh. âI guarantee youâll love it. Who knows, it could be a lot of fun and a little exciting too!â
âWhat do you mean?â I quizzed?
âFriday night, 10 p.m., meet me at the back door of the Ti house.â
Why not? Heck, I had nothing better to do. It would give me some time to study and who knows, it just might be fun.
Over the rest of the week I wondered what evil Debbie had thought up for her potential new âsistersâ. Probably putting them in some embarrassing position, one which she couldnât trust just any guy with participating. She knew Iâd keep my mouth quiet to the death.
Just before 10 on Friday night I approached the back of the Ti House, and seconds later Debbie appeared. âYouâre on time! Way to go, Bro.â
I smiled at Debbieâs attempt at poetry. She looked a bit different, wearing pants, a white menâs shirt, and a baseball cap. Heck, she looked more like a guy than a girl.
âPart of the costume, you like?â she asked, twirling in the shadows of the building.
âUh, itâs not you,â I replied, âbut whatever lights your match.â
Debbie waved me into the old Victorian house. We scooted down a hallway, hearing some sort of mood music in the living room, and went down to the barely lit basement. There she un-hatched her diabolical plan. âItâs pretty simple, the potential sisters have all been grilled and quizzed on why they want to join our sorority, and theyâve had every bit of their lives scrutinized by the counsel. Itâs amazing how open they can be when under the gun.
âYour job is to join me down here and do what the girls ask. Each has been given an assignment, like going up to a guy and ask for his underwear, or to yell out stupid statements at town square, or to perform some juvenile prank at the mall. The other sisters will be working with those girls, ensuring they are up to the task, while you and I will be the leaders here for three of the problematic girls. These two are prissy, girls with an attitude, who Iâm not sure deserve to be in our sorority. Each is sitting in a different room upstairs, and each will be given an envelope of an assignment they are to complete as their last facet of the initiation.â
I looked at my sister, thinking this could be fun. âSo what can I do?â
âListen carefully and do exactly as I say! Your job is to stay behind the boxes in the back of the room over there. Each of the girls will come down to the basement. I will lead them down here, I will be wearing a Mardi Gras mask. The girls are to follow the script weâve written for them. Once in the basement they will put on a blindfold, so they will not be able to identify you. But to be on the safe side hereâs a mask for youâŠitâs a former president you might remember. The one who was caught with his fingers in the intern. You just do as they ask, nothing more. If they say jump, you jump. If they want a drink, get them one. Get the picture?â
Confused as to what kind of initiation this would be, I began to ask Debbie what in the world she was talking about. She shushed me and just told me to simply do as the girls said and all would be well.
She twirled and made her way back up the stairs as I move to the back of the room behind the boxes. I moved things around so that I could stay in the shadows yet still see the women come down the stairs. Then, looking to the left, I could spy the desk and chair in the center of the room. A bright ceiling light lit that area of the basement, but all of the surrounding areas were in the shadows.
The wait seemed like an eternity. I could here music upstairs, a little bit of side clatter, but there was no activity in the basement for a half hour. I amused myself by reading through some old Cosmos and Brides magazines, spending more time with the former than the latter.