For my entire life, my self esteem, or lack thereof, has been driven by my being thin. I have rarely considered myself desirable to women due to my lack of musculature. Add to that, my nose is not exactly small either. I rarely tanned because I was embarrassed to go without a shirt in public. I avoided swimming in public.
This perception of myself made me terribly shy with women. It was next to impossible for me to ask a woman out. It was usually the women that had to pursue me. I never even looked for signs that women were interested in me because I didn't think it possible.
However, I did manage to have a few relationships in my teens and twenties. It was the woman that were the ones that went out of their way to initiate the relationship. I honestly felt they were interested in me because we were close to each other through church or some other groups we participated in as youth.
On the positive side, I certainly wasn't ugly to look at. I have always looked much younger than I actually am, and, this has certainly come in handy as I have aged. I guess you may say that I have grown more distinguished in my years. I also happen to have a wicked sense of humor and have always kept women laughing. It was the only thing I felt I actually had going for me. Oh yeah, I do happen to have a nine inch cock. But, that's something that I just don't advertise. There have been some women that knew that I was well endowed, but, it never seemed to draw any women my way. At least, that I knew of.
So ,all in all, my relationships through my thirties were initiated by women. Until...
I started working at a pretty large office that was comprised of 90% young black women. My life began to change 180 degrees. I have documented some of this dramatic change in my "Swirl" story line that you can find here on Literotica. I would encourage you to read those excerpts to see how I changed...for the better.
After a year or two, I started realizing, that for some unbelievable reason, black women were actually attracted to me and went out of their way let me know that they were. And, to be honest, looking back over my time there, I missed out on some incredibly beautiful and nice black women because I just couldn't believe that they would actually be interested in this skinny white boy.
But, something changed, when I fully realized that the attraction was genuine. I was shy no longer. I pursued these beautiful women without any hesitation or fear from my self image.
I was free!
I started a friendship with a beautiful young black woman, Daneisha, that changed my life. My friendship with her turned to unrequited love and then back to friendship. Over the years, our relationship has taken some unexpected turns. I finally confessed to her that I had previously loved her and she confessed to me that she had similar feelings around the same time . Neither one of us had acted upon those feeling.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANOUNCEMENT TIME: DON'T HIDE YOUR FEELINGS AND ATTRACTION FOR OTHERS. FAR TOO MUCH OF MY LIFE HAS BEEN STOLEN FROM ME BY SELF DOUBT!
However, our lives were in much different places at that moment. She was in a relationship with the perfect guy. Perfect except for one thing. Intimacy. It was nonexistent. He had some medical issues that had left him without that important drive in his life. Daneisha was on the other end of the spectrum, she was a beautiful black bisexual women. Sex was very important to her. She tried everything to get him to be more intimate, but, to no avail. He encouraged her have sexual relationships with women. But Daneisha only wanted to do that if he was included. She even craved to watch him please another woman. He wasn't interested. Her frustration grew and grew. Our conversations got more and more intense as time went on. There were numerous conversations about our personal lives. There wasn't a lot about our intimate lives that we didn't know about. She knew that I was well endowed and remarked that she had wanted to try a cock that large. After a lot beating around the bush, I asked Daneisha if she would like me to text her a pic of my cock. She quickly said yes.
I had never done anything like that before. I was nervous as hell. I took a shitty picture of my cock and sent it to her, asking for a return pic of her large breasts and pussy. It was like I was back in high school again, wondering what her reaction would be. What would she would think? Would she play with herself looking at my cock? Would she make herself come imagining that it was my cock fucking her? These thoughts and desires gave me an incredible endorphin rush like I had never experienced before. It was incredibly exciting. Skinny me with a beautiful black women making herself come to an image of my cock. That does more than wonders to your self esteem.
And it got better, she sent me a pick of her pussy, wet and creamy right after she made herself come while fixating on my cock. The old me was officially GONE.
I started sending her pics every once in a while. She did the same for me. We progressed a little further by having phone sex. She didn't take long to come once I started talking about fucking her pussy deeply.
I loved knowing that she masturbated about me. Knowing that was an incredible high.
Around this same time, I had a co-worker, Jessica, that reported to me but worked at an office a few states away. She was my go to person for so many things. We became very good friends. We shared a lot about ourselves. When she left the company we remained friends and talked pretty often. We were close enough that I shared with her my ongoing friendship and relationship with Daneisha.
When I told her that I had sent a pic of myself to Daneisha, she joked that she felt left out. I laughed and let it go. But as we went on and I had sent a few pics to Daneisha, I confessed to Jessica that it was an incredible rush to me.
"Jessica, I can't explain it. I get this incredible rush in showing myself to Daneisha," I said.
"So, you're an exhibitionist huh?"
"I guess I am. This skinny white boy likes showing off his privates," I laughed.
"Well, when are you going to send me one," she asked quietly.
"You'd really like me to send you a pic," I questioned sheepishly?
"Yes," she said very seriously.
We ended our conversation and I fretted about really sending her a pic. It took me a couple of hours before I threw caution to the wind and sent her a pic. The next few hours were agonizing. She finally texted back.
"OMG!!! I was in the supermarket when I looked at your pic. I went hot and my knees literally went weak. I had to stumble to the refrigerated section to try and cool down. Seriously. I'm soaked. I want it. It's too big for my pussy, but, I want to try and slow ride it! "
"Will you text me a pic of your pussy," I texted back?
"Yes. Anything if you promise to keep sending me pics of your beautiful cock."
"Gladly."
A few days later, Jessica texted me a pic of her pussy, and I understood why she said she didn't think it would fit. Her pussy was tiny. The smallest I have ever seen.
I thanked her and sent her another pic.
"Mmmmm. I'm wet. I want," she texted back.
"Are you playing with your pussy?"
"Yes."
"Look at my cock. Come for me thinking about riding it."
"Yes."
A little while later, Jessica texted back. "I needed that. Your cock has my pussy all wet and tingling."
"Now you've got me hard and I've got play with my cock."
"Yes. Stroke it for me. I wish I was there stroking it for you. I want to suck on that big fat head. I want to taste you."
I got busy and worked myself to a good orgasm knowing that I had made Jessica come. After I finished, I took a pic of my withering cock and come covered torso and sent it to Jessica.
"I wish I was there to lick you clean. I've got to go make myself come again. Damn You!"
"You're Welcome...LOL."
To this day, we have never met. I regularly send her pics of my cock. If I go without sending any, she requests them and tells me about what she thinks about doing to me and my cock.
And as I type this, I am on a work assignment for a few months not too far from where she lives. Maybe it might be time to show her in person and create some new stories to write about here on Literotica.
It was at this time that I stumbled upon CFNM. Even though I was concerned about being completely naked in front of a female and potentially turning her off with my thin body. I craved being able to show a willing woman my large cock. Fuck, the thought of that turned me on. I fantasized heavy on that possibility.
At least a couple times a year, Daneisha would ask me the same question.
"Are you seeing anyone new, or, have you been intimate with anyone lately?"
"Not really. Why?"
"Ahh. Well, you know."
"Tell me," I implored.
"You know, I just want to know if there is ever an opportunity, whether in person, or on video of watching you pleasure another woman."
"So, you really want to watch another woman suck on my cock don't you," I asked.
"Yes," she whispered back.
"You want to watch me eat her pussy and make her come?"
"Oh yes."
"You want to get up real close and watch as my cock goes in and out of her wet pussy?"
"You know I do."
"Are you going to lick her juices off my cock?"
"Yes!"
"Good. Then I will start fucking her again, for you. Fuck her while I watch you play with your pussy."
"Jesus, I'm so wet."
"Are you playing with your pussy right now," I asked?
"Uh huh," she breathed erratically. "I want to watch you fuck her with your big cock. Oh God, I'm going to come. Fuck. Oh Shit!"
"Come for me Daneisha. Come for me while I make her come on my cock."
"Yes. I'm coming. Ahh Fuck!"
We both got quiet for a while. Just the two of us breathing heaving.
"You need to make this happen for me John. I need this. I need to see you fucking someone's wet pussy. It will drive me crazy," she commanded.
"I will Beautiful."
There came a time when I wasn't in a relationship. When I took care of my urges, it was almost always to fantasies of a CFNM encounter. A CFNM encounter with a black woman. It had been a while since I had any intimate contact with a woman and was craving that attention and touch.
Being naturally practical, I game planned an idea to potentially kill two birds with one stone. Care for my CFNM desire and to possibly have that lead to an encounter I could video or include Daneisha in.