It was so difficult to even sit next to him. I haven't seen him for over a year and a half, but it still bothered me. Our frequent bus rides were more than transportation; they were an intimate experience that I will never forget.
The first time we met, it was on the 67, the bus that went from A to B, destinations don't matter. Waiting at the stop in the warm early September air with a book full of fresh college material was not what I wanted to do at that moment. I wanted to be on the bus, or be somewhere else. The idea of starting college, a whole new school frightened me. I still wasn't confident about my major, I didn't know anyone really because all of my friends were in different universities and we all split up. I remember that day very well. The cool breeze ran over my pale arms and over my bare neck to dance through my hair. That breeze brought a cool smell of fall approaching, as well as him.
He walked up the street and held his back pack on his right shoulder. I remember it was his right because he always pushes back his hair with his left hand and that's what he did as that playful breeze pulled at his dark brown locks. The man had a typical college boy look to him. Jeans, t-shirt, open hooded sweatshirt, backpack, and worn sneakers complete the set. He walked up next to me, stood and waited for the bus like I was.
The red, white and blue bus putted up the street and spewed chemicals in the air as it stopped, breaking with a piercing squeal. The gentleman that he was, he allowed me to get on first, saying in a delicate voice, "Ladies first." His appearance, his voice, everything about him was glorious and I couldn't stop the vibrations going through my body from his presence. The only seat left on the bus was next to a man who wore a suit, carried a stiff briefcase to match his spine. He didn't look like he wanted to take the bus but the way gas prices were these days, he'd take his chances saving his budget. He also didn't look pleased that someone sat next to him. The suit huffed out a breath at my body next to his and turned to look out the window. When I not-so-elegantly made a face to his profile, I saw the face of my gentleman smile. When his amused expression washed over his face, I smiled in return as he walked up to stand close to me on the crowded bus.
The suit cleared his throat in a non-subtle manner and excused himself to get out of the seat. He signaled the driver by pulling the rope and squeezing by, trying to touch as few people as possible. I mean, god only knows where they have all been! The seat was vacant and I scooted my body to the window, sending an open seat invitation in the direction of my gorgeous male admirer. And our knees brushed. With a smirk designed to charm the female species out of war and famine, trust and control, he turned to me to say hello.
Our conversation was nothing that people would call monumental, but I asked questions to keep him talking. As I pressed on, he told me all about him while I, in turn, answered my own questions. He went to school in the city, so did I. In fact, the same school only we were different majors. While I pursued a music performance major in guitar, he was studying computers with a minor in electrical. He figured everything would be run by computers more and more and in order for them to run, someone had to fix them. Brilliant. He was gorgeous and brilliant. I wanted to ask him more, I wanted to ask him his life's goal, his mother's name, his favorite childhood memory, song, food, pastime, anything. But my stop was coming up and too fast for my liking.
I told him my stop was near and to my twisted delight; I saw the disappointment on his face. But what should I do? Ask for his number? His name? I didn't even know his name. But I didn't, and said goodbye before walking off the high steps to the pavement. I blew it. So I walked home alone with my head hanging low.
The next day as I waited at the bus stop, I wondered if my mystery, as I was starting to refer to him as, had class today, if he would show up. He was on my mind all day and I was slightly off by the fact that I missed him. Besides his school and major, and a few other things I really didn't know much about him. Did he have a girlfriend? Was he gay? Was he a homicidal maniac pretending to be a college student to lure willing young women into his dungeon so he could torture and humiliate them? I don't know. All I know was that I wanted to see him again.
When I saw him walk up the street, I knew my wish was granted and tried not seem too pleased at his arrival. I don't want to seem too anxious. My mystery stood next me and said hello with his gorgeous magnetic smile as he asked how my day was. Fine, fine. It was fine. My day is so much better now that I was able to see him. When we walked onto the bus, this time there were only 3 people on the bus. We walked to the back and I sat down with my mystery next to me where his presence continued to mock me. His leg was touching mine again and the shock that ran up my body was enough to bring me back to life if I happen to stop breathing for a moment. When I said something funny, his laugh rippled through my ears and his hand rested on my thigh in an unconscious gesture that made me instantly want his hand to move closer and touch me.
He looked at me and saw my eyes, saw what was going on inside my mind. He smiled and without saying a word, without asking me or mentioning his plan, he brought his lips to mine and kissed me a sweet moment that I froze in time, taking a picture of and locking it away for a rainy day. He tasted so sweet and delectable, like a ripened fruit, waiting to be picked and devoured. When I parted my lips and invited him in, I could almost hear his body sigh in relief to my submission and he kissed me with the passion of a missed lover that had haunted memories of this embrace. I wanted his mouth on me, and his hands touching me. This is what I have been thinking of all day. Our kiss lasted so long that the hour bus ride was over and my stop was next. Breaking from the embrace, I kissed his mouth once more softly and said goodbye. It never occurred to me to ask him his name, his number, anything. I just walked off and waved goodbye to him. And counted the minutes until I got to see him again.
The next day he didn't show. It was a disappointing day and when I looked forward to seeing him all day I was smacked with defeat, it was a harsh downfall. The bus ride home was lonely and took longer that it usually does. Throughout the ride I imagined what would happen if my mystery was sitting next to me. He would kiss me again in that beautiful way he did yesterday. He would hold me close and his breath would hit my neck as he wrapped his arms around me, telling me what he wanted to do to me. How he wanted to take me home and take me to bed. He wanted to devour my body, my soul, my heart. He already had it and I didn't even know his name.
The next day I arrived at the bus stop early to find him waiting there, sitting on the curb like a lost orphan. He looked so sad and lonely and when I sat next to him, he looked up and smiled, and asked how my day went, just like the previous day. I said fine but told him how yesterday I missed him. He seemed to brighten up at that and he told me he doesn't have class on Wednesdays and he missed me too. The silence that grew between us was comfortable. There was so much I wanted to know about him but I didn't even care to ask. His hand took mine and we stayed like that, in a comfortable connection that people need years to achieve. We walked onto the empty bus once more and sat in the back. I've come to think of that as "our spot" because no one really sat in the back and it felt like we had free reign over the bus back there.