Chapter 7 - Visitor
As I descended the stairs, a strange mixture of emotions ebbed and flowed through me. Physically, I was unsteady, wobbly on legs that felt as if they had run a thousand miles. Sexually, I was sated, but the pump was still primed and that gave me a charged feeling nonetheless. My release had been complete, and I felt drained in a good, comfortable way.
Even so, I was still an emotional wreck. I was still embarrassed about what happened in the car. I had a feeling that he knew that I was masturbating in the shower, too, even if he probably wouldn't have thought in his wildest dreams how I was doing it, or why. I felt like I needed to go and apologize - but for what? I mean, not only did I not have a clue what to say, but what would I be apologizing
for
?
Gee dad, so sorry that I got my mouth stuck on your gigantic cock dildo and couldn't answer right away.
As I reached the bottom of the stairs, I heard his voice. He was on the phone, but he didn't seem happy. My self-absorption gave way to the drama unfolding.
"What are you saying, exactly?" I heard him say, tension rising in his voice.
I kept myself very quiet, walking towards the room but trying to stay out of sight. I was barefoot, which helped keep me silent.
"Hold on, hold on," he said, a note of worry creeping in. "What do you mean, you can't find it?"
I peeked around the corner. He was pacing in the kitchen, and he ran his hand through his dark blond hair. He gritted his teeth, and spoke into the phone so quietly, so intensely, that I couldn't hear exactly what he was saying.
"You better... don't want to hear it... if she finds it..."
My heart jumped into my throat. What was he talking about? Was that my Mom? Was this about the video?
"Look, I can't talk about this right now," he said, suddenly loud and clear. "Shannon's here today, and I've got to go." A pause. "Yes, Shannon." Another pause. "I don't want to hear it. I've. Got. To. Go."
Despite being on edge because of his mood, I took a relieved breath. Okay, so it wasn't my mom. She knew I was here already, obviously. So who was it? What got him so riled up? Was it a "work" thing?
He looked at his phone, and sighed. "Look, Tracy is calling. I've got to go. Just
find
it."
He tapped a button on his phone, and answered. "Hey babe," he said.
Babe?
"
Yeah," he continued. "It's all good. I think she's excited to meet you too. How long before you get here?"
Wait,
what
? Who's this Tracy person, and she's on her way? I just got here!
I stepped out from behind the wall into view. He noticed me, his facing breaking out in a grin and did a slight head nod, as if to say
hello
, before refocusing on his conversation. "Great. See you soon. Drive safe."
He hung up, and I went to the fridge to find something to drink. "Who's Tracy?" I asked, with more of an edge to my voice than intended.
He looked at me funny. "I told you. She's someone I've been dating," he said.
I shook my head. "You didn't tell me you were dating anyone," I challenged. I felt a bit of annoyance and anger creeping in.
Where was
this
coming from?
"Shannon," he said, confused. "We
just
talked about this in the car on the way up. I told you that I was seeing a woman named Tracy and that I wanted you to meet her."
I opened my mouth to protest, and then closed it again. The car ride was a blur. I had been in my own world, not really listening to what he had been saying. I remembered saying, "Yeah," and "Uh huh," and "Sure," from time to time, but it's not like he
ever
said anything important, right?
His face became unreadable. "Maybe you were too distracted," he said, his eyes a bit colder.
Ouch
. I swallowed. So he
had
noticed. It didn't seem like a good idea to press my disadvantage at the time. Plus, whatever had happened on that previous call had obviously irritated him, and while he never got overtly angry, he did get moody.
I got some juice from the fridge. "So," I began, trying to move on, forcing my voice to become more upbeat, "when does Tracy get here?"
"About a half hour," he said. "Christ, this place is a wreck."
He began clearing items off the counters and table. My father wasn't a rich man, and couldn't afford help to keep his bachelor pad cleaned by a maid or service. I started to help him clear up. At least it wasn't full of half-empty pizza boxes and empty beer cans. Or bottles. Or whatever.
As we straightened up he told me a bit about Tracy, and I tried my best to fill in the gaps of what he was telling me and what he
thought
I knew from the conversation in the car. I was too ashamed to admit that I hadn't been listening to a single word, so I tried to pay as much attention as possible now. I felt like I was cramming for an exam in the class period before the one with the test.
I learned that Tracy was an old friend that he had come back into contact through work. She was an inspector who happened to be assigned to one of my father's construction jobs, and when they recognized each other they decided to grab a drink and catch up. Soon the after-work drinks were a daily occurrence, and before long they were dating.
"That's one of the reasons why I suggested you come up here this weekend," my father said. "I mean, you don't
have
to come up any more now that you're eighteen, but this seemed like a good excuse to have you here again."
I know he didn't mean to do it, but I suddenly felt extremely sad, and not just a little bit guilty.
My father and I had never really clicked. As I was growing up he wasn't around much, as his construction jobs tended to take him from place to place for months at a time. I didn't really know what he did that made him so unavailable, but to be absolutely truthful, I hadn't really cared. My father was more of a nomad than I could ever be, and over the years I found it difficult to find common ground with him.
It wasn't as if he was an absentee father, either. He was around about as much as any divorced dad would be, I guess, even though my parents had never been married. I didn't really understand the relationship all that well, but it seemed to work for all of us.
I never really thought much about it, if I was completely honest with myself. After all, it wasn't as if I had gone out of my way to build anything stronger. Now, though, I was wondering if perhaps I had played a larger role in the distance between us than I originally thought.
It suddenly dawned on me that I had thought about him more in the past week,
as a father
, than I probably did in the past year.
"So," he continued, wiping down the countertops, "I don't know when you'll come up here again, so I figured it was a really good time to introduce you two."
Despite everything, I felt angry at the intrusion of a stranger, and I felt annoyed with myself for not paying attention in the car. Without consciously realizing it, I had set myself up for some alone-time with my father, and had come to anticipate...
what
? What did I think was going to happen? I was going to get my
own father