Confessions of a Mailgirl

SLAVE

Barbara's words swirled through my head as I knelt silently in front of her. Two words in particular kept assailing my thoughts again and again: "my love." Had Barbara just professed her love for me? And if she had what did that mean for our future? When she used the word "partner" did it mean more than just helping her advance her goals?

Those two words sent me spiraling down a rabbit hole of chaos and confusion. I became so lost in thought about the potential implications of those words that it was only later in thinking back to this meeting that I realized that Barbara had said something else to me during the time I was contemplating their meaning. To this day I don't know what it was, but whatever she said to me hadn't registered and I'd remained silent, failing to respond to her. Shortly after that Barbara removed her hand from my cheek, stared at me for a few seconds, then quietly rose to her feet and returned to her desk.

I looked up at her as she removed a small stack of papers from a drawer and placed it on her desk. My new contract, I thought to myself. At that point I still planned on signing it and a nervous excitement surged through my body as I realized I was actually going to surrender to her and live the life she had just described to me, a life of absolute submission. Then I saw her take out a second stack of papers and place it next to the first.

Barbara looked down on me as I knelt naked before her as I had so many times before. I immediately sensed the change in her mood as she began to speak. "Danica, I have two contracts here," she said to me. "Before you leave this office today you're going to sign one of them."

The personal, intimate tone that she'd been using before was gone now and had been replaced by her businesslike "my way or the highway" attitude. My heart sank as I realized that she was no longer trying to persuade me; she was dictating the terms of my surrender.

"Two contracts?" I asked puzzled. "Why two?"

"Because I want to give you the opportunity to sign a fair contract first before we move on to discussing the second one."

I took a deep breath to steady myself. "Okay, so what exactly do you consider fair?" I asked knowing that the words "fair" and "Mailgirls contract" seldom belonged within shouting distance of each other in the same sentence.

"It's the current standard two-year deal. $50,000 bonus up front plus $75,000 per year with another $50,000 completion bonus for a total of $250,000 over the life of the contract. In this case, though, the contract is exclusive to DDE so it couldn't be put up for bid to other companies."

The pay was certainly fair since it was meant to entice beautiful young women into the program, but the devil was always in the details. "And what about the penalties?" I asked.

"Failure to complete the contract means repaying the bonus at 19.9% interest compounded weekly plus an additional $75,000 penalty to help the company defray the costs of having to replace you." At that usurious interest rate the amount required to repay it would add up fast. Combined with the additional $75,000 penalty it would require a huge financial hit to get out of it. I knew DDE also included a clause in their contracts that made it extremely difficult to reduce these penalties even through bankruptcy. If a mailgirl saved and invested her original $50,000 bonus it would help mitigate some of that but few ever did. Almost all mailgirls spent their bonus money paying off bills or buying stuff.

The completion bonus at the end of the contract represented the carrot aspect of the carrot and stick approach used to make it as difficult as possible to leave the program. Each day the interest a mailgirl owed would increase while bringing her one day closer to that completion bonus. As a result, no matter how much a mailgirl might want to quit, hardly anyone ever did. Once signed the only realistic way out of the contract was to reach the end of it.

"God, Barbara, if you think that contract's fair then I'd hate to see the second one," I said to her.

"Yes you would, Danica. And I want you to know that this contract I'm offering you is probably one of the last of its kind. We only offered these high salaried contracts because we thought it would be difficult to find enough qualified women to do this job if we didn't. That's proven to be false."

"So you're going to cut pay in future contracts?" I asked already guessing the answer.

"Of course," she replied. "We have a lot more applicants than job openings so why keep paying exorbitant salaries to unskilled labor just to run around as naked couriers when we don't have to?"

Unskilled labor? The condescension was practically dripping from her words now. "What about all this crap you've been pitching to the media about how much we increase the bottom line and help improve productivity?" I asked.

"That's all true, Danica. That's no reason, though, not to tweak the contracts to try to find the sweet spot of pay and penalties that will maximize profits while still maintaining a sufficient flow of qualified and motivated mailgirls."

I was pretty sure that Barbara's "sweet spot" for Mailgirl pay was zero if she could find some way to get away with it. "So you're going to put mailgirls through all of this humiliating and degrading bullshit and not even pay them much for it?"

Barbara shrugged. "It's still more money than most of these girls would otherwise be earning, but it's a simple matter of supply and demand. DDE isn't a charity. We have to turn a profit while keeping our shareholders happy. You're an MBA, Danica, you know that."

I did know that, in theory anyway. Yet when this calculus was applied to real people in the real world, especially with a group treated as poorly as mailgirls were, it didn't really seem fair to me.

"So what's in the second contract?" I asked.

"Let's just say it's much worse than this one and leave it at that."

"You're not going to tell me?"

"No Danica, I'm not. Not unless you reject this one, and I strongly recommend that you don't."

"Well if I don't want to sign this one then what the hell makes you think I'll sign a much worse one? You think you have the leverage to make me sign it?" My irritation at her hardball tactics was continuing to grow.

"I know I do, Danica, but I'd rather it not come to that."

"And this supposed leverage has nothing to do with Anna?"

"Nothing."

Whatever spell Barbara had woven over me earlier had completely dissipated now and my defenses were on full alert. Was she trying to bluff me or did she really have some way to force me to sign the second one if I rejected the first? And how much worse would the second contract be if that happened? "How long do I have to decide?" I asked.

Barbara glanced at her watch. "I'll give you ten minutes, Danica. After that the first contract will be permanently withdrawn and the only option will be for you to sign the second one."

I'd witnessed Barbara using these bare knuckled negotiating tactics many times before but my anger began boiling over now seeing her use them on me just minutes after she'd supposedly professed her love. How naive I'd been to believe that I would ever be anything to her other than a little puppet forced to dance on her stage! "I've got a third option for you, Barbara. How about you go fuck yourself!"

A startled look came across her face that she quickly tried to mask. Maybe she realized for the first time that she'd overplayed her hand, but I knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't back down now. I also knew that I couldn't either. For better or worse I'd just gone all in and would have to see all of the cards turned over.

Barbara silently picked up the first contract and dumped it into a wastebasket next to her desk. Then she placed her smartphone on the desk where the contract had been sitting. She punched the face of it several times with her index finger, then sat down in her chair and stared at me with a mixture of sadness and anger. Moments later I heard a recording of my voice coming from the phone. I was momentarily puzzled about what this was until I heard another voice emerge from the speaker. I reeled back in shock as I realized where this was from: it was a recording of one of my secret phone calls with Mariko in that little room in the east wing!

I was rocked by an overwhelming feeling of helplessness and despair as I listened to my voice as I told Mariko about a virtual reality program I'd heard was being secretly developed by DDE. Barbara let the recording run for a couple of minutes before shutting it off. "I have hours of these conversations, Danica. Most of it is worthless gossip but this is the one that will hang you if it gets out."

"W-where..."

"Where did I get this? Where do you think? I got it from Hiromoto."

My shock turned to anger. Hiromoto! That bastard had sold me out! Of course he had, you stupid, stupid girl. How could you have ever have placed your trust in a Japanese gangster? What a foolish, naive little girl you are, Danica!

"A prototype of a virtual reality headset we were developing was stolen not long after that call," Barbara said coldly. "Guess where it ended up? In Japan. Hiromoto secretly sold it to another company that is using it to jumpstart its own VR development program."

"I didn't steal it, Barbara. I swear I didn't. I would never do that!"

"It doesn't matter if you did or didn't, Danica. That call makes you complicit in corporate espionage. Your contract has a confidentiality agreement in it that allows us to sue you to recover damages from disclosing proprietary secrets and in this case that could amount to millions. You could also be subject to criminal prosecution."

I was having trouble breathing now as the enormity of the situation hit me. This was the leverage that Barbara held over me and it went far beyond whatever I'd imagined she might have. She owns me now, I thought to myself in despair. She absolutely owns me!

"You know, I guessed what Hiromoto's game was fairly early on," Barbara continued. "I knew he couldn't be earning enough money from Mailgirls licensing to turn a profit from it and he's not one to do anything unless it helps enrich him. I couldn't figure it out until I realized that mailgirls are the only employees other than upper management who have access to every area of the DDE complex. After that I had a pretty good idea what he was up to. He was using his Mailgirls program to gain inside information and steal technology from his licensees. It didn't take me long after that to find that little room in the east wing."

God, I was so stupid to have ever thought that I could get away with this without Barbara finding out. And now I was trapped! "How long have you known about this?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

"I figured it out about a month or so after expanding our Mailgirls program from the tower to the rest of the complex."

"Wait a minute, you knew about Hiromoto's spying before I started doing it and you let me do it anyway?"

"I wasn't after you originally when I allowed the spying to continue," Barbara said. "I wanted to nail someone else. But you went to them on your own and got caught up in it. Once you did I had my leverage on you."

"Who were you trying to nail?"

"I'll give you a little hint. Kelly just signed an identical version of this second contract this morning."

Kelly! I knew there had to be someone else spying for Hiromoto besides me. She's the one who must have stolen the VR prototype. I knew she hated Barbara but I couldn't believe she'd go that far. I was willing to pass information on to Hiromoto but I would never have stolen anything.

"Why would you have Kelly sign a new contract?" I asked. "I thought you wanted her gone."

"I changed my mind," Barbara replied with a thin smile. "I decided I'd rather torture her for awhile by making her do the same job for a lot less money, because money is ultimately all Kelly gives a shit about. Eventually I'll sell her to another company, but she's going to remain a mailgirl for a very long time."

Earlier Barbara had been charismatic, persuasive and affectionate, but now she was revealing her ugly, vindictive side. Her mercurial nature had always kept me on edge but her sudden transformation from my lover into my blackmailer in just the space of a few minutes was startling even by her standards. Any desire I had to live out her fantasies was gone now.

"Does anyone else know about these recordings, Barbara?" I asked.

"No one. And they won't if you sign the contract."

"So you'd really allow the company to sue me or throw me in jail if I don't? You know that you'd lose me forever if you did that, Barbara."

"I know, Danica. I don't want to but I will if it comes to that. If you walk out that door I'll turn the recordings over to corporate security and it will be out of my hands after that."

I frantically searched my mind for an escape route from this trap but I couldn't see one. The company had me dead to rights if they wanted to pursue legal action against me.

"How long has Hiromoto known that you knew about his spying?" I asked.

"Since last summer. I confronted him about it after the VR prototype was stolen."

"Last summer? But I've been talking to Mariko all that time since then. Did she know that you were on to what was going on?"

"Of course," Barbara replied. "Mariko's been a part of every conversation I've ever had with Hiromoto. She acts as the interpreter for us."

Another wave of despair washed over me as I realized that Mariko had also betrayed me! She'd allowed me to continue spying for her without warning me that Barbara already knew about it! There's no one I could trust anymore. No one. I realized at last just how far over my head I'd been in these shark infested waters. I never, ever stood a chance.

But then something Barbara had said struck me. Why would Hiromoto need an interpreter? I knew from my one experience with the man - watching him whip Mariko in his office - that he was fluent in English. Is it possible that Barbara didn't know this? Was this something that Hiromoto normally kept hidden? And if so, why did he speak English in front of me? Was it because I was just a naked mailgirl and not worthy enough to bother hiding it from?

I'd have to return to these questions later because I still had the matter at hand to deal with. "So what's in the second contract?" I asked.

$50,000 per year but with no bonuses. There's also no penalty for quitting."

I wasn't quite sure what to make of that. "I don't get it. Other than the crappy pay and no bonuses it sounds like what I've been asking for. I want to keep working as a mailgirl with no strings attached if I ever decide to walk away. So what's the catch?"

"The catch is there's no expiration date on it. The knowledge that I have these recordings should be sufficient motivation to keep you from ever quitting, and you're going to keep making those calls to Mariko so I'll always have fresh evidence against you."

Barbara placed her hands and elbows on her desk and leaned toward me, her eyes locked onto mine. "You're going to remain a mailgirl for as long as I want you to be one, Danica. You're going to be my mailgirl and you're going to live the life I described to you earlier."

Anger swept through me again and I had to resist the urge to call her bluff, to just get up and walk out the door. I knew I couldn't do that though. Not yet. I had to do what she asked for now and hope that in time an escape path from this trap would reveal itself. I resolved then and there, though, that if the opportunity for payback ever presented itself I would take it. Some way, somehow, I was going to make Barbara pay for this.

I rose to my feet without asking permission and walked to the desk. "Give me a pen," I said angrily. She wordlessly pulled one out of a drawer and slid it across the desk toward me.

Unlike with my original contract I read this one carefully, page by page, making sure there were no hidden surprises. "What does this mean, that I'll be on call 24 hours a day?" I asked after reading a clause in it I'd never seen before.

"It means you'll be contractually obligated to remain in uniform at all times even when off duty."

"I'm already naked all the time now, Barbara."

"Yes, but up until now it's been voluntary. After this it won't be. You'll have to ask my permission to dress, which I don't plan on giving."

I soon found another clause that frightened me. "So you can sell me any time you want to another company?" I asked her.

"That's right."

"Do you plan on it?"

"Not unless you give me reason to," she responded. The implied threat was obvious. If I became too troublesome or disobedient she would sell me off to someone else.

Barbara appeared tense as she watched me read the contract. When I finally reached the end of it I looked up at her. "You know Barbara, you had me. I was willing to sign a new contract and be everything you wanted me to be if you'd just kept your god damn mouth shut."

"Danica, I know you're angry now, but in time..."

"No Barbara, I won't get over this in time!" I spit out angrily. "If you want a slave I'll be your slave but that's it. I won't be your partner and I won't be your lover. If you order me to clean your house or follow you around like a dog I'll do that. If you order me to fuck you, I'll do that, too. And if you want to tie me up and whip me I won't resist. But know this, Barbara, none of that will be consensual. Not any more."

I scrawled my name at the bottom of the contract, then, without permission to leave, I turned and began walking toward the door.

"Danica, wait!" Barbara called out in a desperate tone I'd never heard in her voice before. I stopped and turned back to her.

"No!" I hissed. "I'm not Danica to you anymore. I'm Nine. I'll never be Danica to you ever again. Ma'am."

LOST

I felt the MMU on my arm vibrate indicating that I was back on duty and available as I wandered aimlessly through the ninth floor in a daze, barely able to process what had just happened in Barbara's office. I was required to go kneel on the closest Mailgirls mat until I was called out but at that moment I couldn't bear the thought of having people staring at me so I headed for the stairs instead. It was the only place in the complex where a mailgirl could have any semblance of privacy.

I entered the stairwell and walked down several flights until all of the feelings of hurt, anger, and betrayal churning inside of me flooded to the surface and could no longer be contained. I sat down on a stair in between the sixth and seventh floor and began sobbing uncontrollably.

It wasn't Hiromoto's cynical double-crossing or Barbara's manipulations that hurt the most; they were scorpions, after all, and it was my own damn fault for allowing myself to get in range of their venomous tails. It wasn't even Mariko's apparent betrayal, although that had shocked me. No, it was a deep disappointment in my own actions and decisions that left me feeling so angry and hurt. I'd made so many mistakes over the past two years that I didn't know if I could even trust myself anymore.

I'm the author of my own misfortune, I told myself. I'm the one who signed that terrible contract without really reading or understanding it. I'm the one who allowed Barbara to systematically strip me of my clothes, my identity, my belongings, and my freedom. I'm the one who opened myself up to being sued or arrested by divulging proprietary information to a foreign company. If I was trapped then it was in a prison of my own construction. Barbara had supplied the blueprints and materials but I'd built it myself, brick by brick.

I felt so lost and alone now, untethered from the real world where even something as simple as picking out an outfit to wear or making plans for my free time had become completely foreign to me. The crazy part is that I'd been ready to voluntarily surrender all of my freedom to Barbara until her actions had snapped me out of whatever spell she had me under. There was no longer any doubt in my mind that I really was a submissive, at least to some degree, but there had to be limits to it, didn't there? And now there were none. Barbara owned me. I was going to be her naked slave for as long as she wanted.