This is my first venture into the Exhibitionist & Voyeur category - I hope you enjoy this small offering.
****
The main bar of the Fletcher's Arms pub at 6 six o'clock on a Friday evening is no place for the faint-hearted. Hundreds of London's office workers, desperate for that first well-deserved drink of the weekend, jostle for the best position to attract the attention of the over-stretched bar staff. Some guy with a fucking ponytail keeps raising his arm in front of my face to wave a fifty around whenever the barmaid closest to us finishes serving a customer, and I'm starting to toy with the idea of giving him an elbow to the ribs when the barmaid looks past him and catches my eye.
'Pint of Estrella and a large Sauvignon Blanc, please.'
She nods and is away to fetch them. Ponytail-guy looks at me and I give him my best "if you've got it, you've got it" kind of look. Twat.
I pay for my drinks and elbow my way back through the crowd to my little group of workmates. Most of them somehow managed to get away a little earlier than I did, and Lucy and I are a little late to the party.
'I was about to send out a search party for you, Tom,' Lucy says as I hand her the glass of wine.
'And I was starting to wish you had. But only if they still use those St Bernard dogs with a little barrel of brandy tied to their collar. I could really have used one of those.'
I have a slightly peculiar relationship with Lucy. From the day I started at the company, we've been good mates. I'd briefly hoped for more; she's funny, and clever, and we get all of each other's pop culture references, which is one of my absolute deal-breakers in a girlfriend. Oh yeah, and she's absolutely fucking gorgeous. She's got the whole blonde hair, blue eyes, perfect skin, fantastic body thing going for her. But she's married. Of course she fucking is. I've met the guy, and annoyingly, he's great too. I'd really been wishing he would turn out to be a complete bastard, so it would be easier to hate him, but no such luck.
Despite the whole married-to-a-really-nice-guy thing, it's not uncommon for Lucy to flirt with me, sometimes pretty outrageously. Let me think of an example. Here we go; Valentines Day last year. At the end of the day, after everyone else had buggered off home, Lucy decides to let me in on her plans for the evening. In glorious, erection-causing detail. Even lifted her skirt a little to show me the new red lingerie she's wearing for the occasion.
That's not to say I don't give as good as I get. There have been more than a few Monday lunchtimes, in the park with our packed lunches, where I've filled her in with my activities from the past weekend. She especially liked the story of the time I screwed this girl knowing full well that her flatmate was spying on us through a crack in the door. I've had to recount that one to Lucy, at her request, more than a couple of times.
'What are you doing this weekend, then?' she asks me now. 'Or should I say, who are you doing this weekend?'
'Actually, I've not got much planned at all,' I reply. 'Might head to the pub tomorrow to watch the football. See the folks on Sunday.'
'What a truly inspirational life you lead,' she replies, drily. I wonder if she's disappointed that I won't have any new smutty stories for her on Monday.
'Oh, fuck off,' I say. It's not the wittiest of comebacks, but it'll do. 'What about you, then? Scaling the north face of K2, I hope.'
'Drinks with a friend from pilates this evening. Play it by ear after that.'
'Wow, sounds great. I'll call the newspapers,' I deadpan. I give an over-exaggerated wince when she lightly punches me on the arm.
'I was going to introduce you to her, but just for that I don't think I'll bother.'
'Oh, don't be like that. What's her name?'
'Emma. She's a legal secretary, works somewhere over near Fleet Street. I would tell you that she's single and completely stunning, but I don't suppose it matters, now that you're never going to meet her.'
'Stunning? Yeah, sure. And she has nothing better to do than spend her Friday evening listening to your tales of domestic bliss?'
Lucy looks away from me, stroking her chin as if musing to herself. 'Maybe I'll have to take her home and let my Sean give her the fucking I think she really needs, since you're too rude for me to even think about introducing to her. He'll like that, I think.'
I laugh. 'Your Sean would never sleep with another woman, even with your permission. He's smart enough to know not to rock the boat, I think.'
Lucy's about to reply when her phone lights up in her hand, and she turns away to respond to the text she's just received. I'm distracted by a discussion next to me about the latest injury to Arsenal's midfield. We're deep in discussion about Martin Odegaard's ankle when I see a young black woman coming into the pub. She's not a regular -- I'd certainly know it if she was. She has long, dark hair that falls in waves past her chest and is wearing a pair of black-framed spectacles which do nothing to disguise the fact that she is at least on a par with the best-looking woman in the building (that would be Lucy). I'm not the only guy in the place to stop what he's doing and take a good long look.
'Beautiful, isn't she?' Lucy whispers in my ear, before brushing past me on her way to the door. 'Thanks for the drink. I'll see you on Monday,' she calls over her shoulder.
Fuck. That will be Emma, then.
I watch as Lucy joins her friend and gives her a brief hug. She points back at me and waves. I wave back and feel a little self-conscious when the two women giggle. Lucy motions to the door and moments later they are gone.
****
I stay for a couple more drinks, then head for home. I pick up a Chinese takeaway on the way, and by nine o'clock I'm pleasantly full and halfway through some appalling Netflix original film that seems to consist entirely of Ryan Reynolds being alternately chirpy and confused. My phone beeps; it's a message from an unrecognised number.