They say you should write about what you know. And after today, I don't think I'll ever forget.
My first day off in months. Payday still a week away so no chance of going home or on a proper holiday, but decided rather than mooching at home I'd nip into town. 'Why not' I thought, despite the pounding poverty I could still afford a few luxuries, and what better way to celebrate a day off than by doing the things I couldn't during working hours?
I got on the bus and was immediately struck dumb by how busy it was. Barely a seat to be found. And I very much didn't want to stand like a pleb. Being 6 foot 4, standing up made my head scrape the roof and, to my mind, made me stand out like the Pope at a GUM clinic. The reasons for the bus busyness quickly became apparent. Teen mums and their toddler children competed with the elderly in a 'who can be the greatest tax drain' competition while taking up as many seats as possible. Not that I'm a roaring fascist, but I do think that as the only person on who actually physically paid for their ticket, I should be entitled to a seat.
I found one at the back, sandwiching myself neatly between an old woman laden down with BHS bags and the matriarch of a clan of chavs, who asserted her authority by shouting at them because they wouldn't sit still. Luckily I had my Ipod, and the dulcet tones of Mitchell and Webb soon drowned out the noise of chav theatre. Again, I'm not some kind of fascist, but there's a world of different between the chavvy-but-good-looking-with-it girls, and the out & out chav girls for whom pregnancy was the only career available, and the postman and nearest mechanic had been drunk enough to oblige.
There were none of the first category on this bus.
I swept around the shops like a dervish, suddenly very much not in the mood to go shopping and bemoaning my decision to leave the house at all. I'm on holiday, time to do things like tv and daytime naps, the oh-so-delicious addictive liquor of my student days. Getting myself off the coach to hell was very much a good decision, as the chavs scrambled in their bags for vouchers to the Zoo and made it clear they wouldn't be getting off any time soon.
'Do you want a bag?' the hatchet-faced woman behind the counter at M&S asked. The question was polite, but the face clearly said that she'd rather be at the bingo.
'Nah I'll be fine thanks' I replied, hastily stuffing my shopping into my rucksack, my mind already en route home and accelerating.
I stood queuing for the bus, hoping it wouldn't be another journey like the first one. As I pulled my ticket from the dispenser I was taken aback by two things. Firstly, this bus was nigh on empty. And secondly, of the 6 passengers on it, 4 were good looking women. I made a beeline for the back seat, best seat in the house. From here I could have an ideal view with the added advantage that generally people were quite loathe to traipse all the way to the back, and consequently it filled up slower. Instantly I reverted to teenage male mode. I was no longer a working 25 yr old with responsibilities and blessed with a few days holiday, I was a horny 15 year old whos principal aim in life is to see a thong, or down a girls top, and sit there mentally filing the image for a wank once in a place where he wouldn't be arrested for doing so.
The bus had only gone a few stops (or a few thongs, as what my testosterone-addled mind was counting distance in) when I raised my eyes and had to do a double-take. Genuinely felt my heart skip a beat. Coming up the aisle was one of the most stunning girls I had ever seen. 5ft 8, curled and tousled dyed black hair, piercing green eyes and a sexy, confident strut. Her eyes met mine and seemed to sparkle with amusement, holding my gaze almost quizzically, as if trying to place me. I gazed back, unable to stop my eyes traveling up and down her, taking in her tight faux leather jacket and grey leggings, and knee-length black boots. I tore my eyes away from her, aware of the glowing hotness I could feel spreading up my cheeks in the beginning of a blush. But I couldn't help but look up again when I saw a pair of knee-length boots sit down opposite me at the back. She had sat down opposite me. There were plenty of other seats on the bus. But then again some people prefer to sit facing backward, bit early to read into it.